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to love you EXCLAMATION

there are parts
of me that ache
for you stop
enflamed by loneness
and brute need stop
it is all wrong
this love I have comma
this incorporeal beast
stalks my every breath
while inside the height comma
width and breadth
of obsession plays stop
I can feel comma
the edges of my mind fray stop

warm tears and milk
help me sleep
when I am spent
with love for you
stop
stop
stop
it is all wrong
this love I have comma
much like the night
a body kept alive
by the absence of light


to love you
is a struggle
but comma
everyone outside the circle
forces me to be normal
trapped in a montage ellipsis
sickly-sweet music and
cheap undertones of sanity
play on ellipsis
while my limbs stumble
through the same maze stop
and comma while I wander
no one ever stops to wonder
if a statue left asunder
has a heart within its fold
encased within cold stone
 

— kowque, Jan 02, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: ZAF

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Critiques

Kailashana

Kailashana

16 years 5 months ago

Damn, you’re good, man

Damn, you're good, man exclamation point I'm a fan period no question mark ~A Don’t let your victories go to your head, or your failures go to your heart.
Z

ziggy

16 years 5 months ago

hi

hi nice to see a new face , hi good to read your words ,good stuff ,,,ziggy
kowque

kowque

16 years 5 months ago

iv read your work too,loved

iv read your work too,loved most of it...i suck at leaving good reviews so didnt leave any comments but i wanted you to know anyway thank you for your words koki
O

Orphani

16 years 5 months ago

Your originality is evident

Your originality is evident here but I feel you are diminishing your clarity by diluting your FoCUS - FoCUS, and tiring the reader.In a poem such as this brevity is key.Note how the key words have a stronger resonance on their own;as well as the importance of placement.This is a great Rose ;dying to be released from it's prison of flowers. 1 stanza : "Parts for you ache; stop.; enflamed brute lonliness; stop. etc... I offer only my opinion. You must decide; always from the deep voice of your heart.B
kowque

kowque

16 years 5 months ago

you are probably right

i take all your words to heart,this poem does need work!this is why i love this site...thank for the direction. kokzzz
D

destiny

16 years 5 months ago

i like this poem a lot i

i like this poem a lot i feel like it releases the parts of my mind that are closed until they are touched by only good words and true meaning ii like it
Bonitaj

Bonitaj

16 years 5 months ago

I very much like

the technique you have employed here... STOP, COMMA, EXCLAMATION interwoven into the story line! Makes for interesting reading! "while inside the height comma width and breadth of obsession plays stop" Know this obsession well - so I loved the suggestive double play of "The obsession plays STOP!" when we know it never can or will ;) ANother good one kiddo! BOnita j
kowque

kowque

16 years 5 months ago

i wanted the puntuation to

i wanted the puntuation to stop the poem from flowing-to irritate the reader (just for fun haha)...while in some parts it is a part of the poem.i thought this would confuse some people plus i knew my half-hearted attempts at ryhming would irritate other people aswell(i suck at the whole rhyming thing)but i couldnt help myself from posting it anyway im glad YOU liked it though :-) kokz