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THE LAST TRIP

 

    It began in a desert, a steep of terrain
    Blows the almighty dust, no sign of the rains.

For mother she spoke, “Can we stop for a rest?”
Her daughter, I answered “I shall fill your request”
Magic was panting from the heat of the sun,
Frantically, wagging his tail for a run.
We stopped at a lonely tree to be found,
In a desert so beautiful, and oh so profound.
We rested, we waffled, together us three,
Underneath a beautiful magnolia tree
.
The winds kicked up with a mighty force,
As we stumbled back to the jeep, with no more remorse.
We needed to clear out our eyes full of dust,
And clean up dog magic, asleep in the truck.
Back to our journey, we ventured ahead,
Mother still resting her once weary head.

I spotted a far the mighty terrain,
We prayed and talked of some almighty rain..
For soon it arrived, to wash away the dust,
The misty sand, with smells of desert must.
I pulled over the jeep, for the lack of deep sleep.
Came to rest upon ourselves, and the worn out  jeep.
A slumberous sleep fell upon the three of us,
For soon, sun shall awake, to clear ot the dust.

Morning awakens with our misty brown eyes
Ahead, a sight, shining through the clear blue sky.
We started again upon our journey, many terrains still up ahead,
Traveling the desert roads, longing for that old sweet bed..
A long ardious trip through the rough terrains
The dusts have all settled from the almighty rains.

For I heard, my mothers, soft whispering sighs,
As she laid down her head, softly a tear she cried.
So beautiful, so wonderful, and oh so serene,
A sight like a beautiful fairy tale dream.
For way up ahead, a castle so stoic and bright,
It's beauty surrounded by the sun's morning light.
Mother whimpered in her still, nearly silent voice “My, what a beautiful place,”
She spoke of the love, she spoke of the faith...
She spoke of the sight in front of her loving face

The castle did stand there, my eyes shining upon it so grand
Adorned, silver and gold, raising to heaven my two hands.
I spoke to my Mother, “we're soon to be there.”
As she spoke in own words, along fell her tears.
“The love in that castle stands there so bright,
We shall thank the Lord guided us to this wondrous sight.”

When we did appear, at the end of our trip no longer the wait,
For finally we've reached, the mighty castle's glorious gate.
The family's all there to greet us, with arms open, outstretched,
Forever, all of us,  together again, in our own eternal rest..

3.28.10
mms

— magics02, Dec 31, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: USA - Florida, USA

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Critiques

R

rainbow

16 years 5 months ago

A SymphonyCradled in a

A Symphony Cradled in a mothers arms her beating heart he understands, like music to his ears. Its been that way for sometime now since he was small as a grain of sand, the rhythm of her voice, the soothing of her hand, stroking away his fears Small head on softest pillow lie and tiny fingers cling to the breast, fed and watered hear him sigh, his tears and comfort laid to rest. Dreaming, though she wonders why, so holds him close in tender fold Rocking baby bye the bye, drifting on her lullaby.
M

magics02

16 years 5 months ago

WRONG PAGE??

Hello Rainbow was these two of the same poems intended to go on this page or did they appear in error? Just wanting to know as it is pretty indeed.... happy new year to you magics02
R

rainbow

16 years 5 months ago

A SymphonyCradled in a

A Symphony Cradled in a mothers arms her beating heart he understands, like music to his ears. Its been that way for sometime now since he was small as a grain of sand, the rhythm of her voice, the soothing of her hand, stroking away his fears Small head on softest pillow lie and tiny fingers cling to the breast, fed and watered hear him sigh, his tears and comfort laid to rest. Dreaming, though she wonders why, so holds him close in tender fold Rocking baby bye the bye, drifting on her lullaby.
Ross Hamilton Hill

Ross Hamilton Hill

16 years 5 months ago

your poem

If you're going to write in metre/rhyme you need to stick to the metre or syllabul count, some variation is OK but the closer you stick to the metre the better it reads/sounds. Some of your lines completly ignore the metre. Rhyming couplets can become very corny if the subject matter is not dramatic. This poem obviously has great meaning for you but be prepared for others to be less involved.
M

magics02

16 years 5 months ago

My way...not corny ..questionable..maybe...

I appreciate your comment, however I had stuck to the subject as close as possible to enter this poem in the contest for December. As i spent alot of thought and feeling riding that jeep I however hold the story/poem close to heart that is why I did not check any boxes and there is a note underneath the poem. I wrote this how I felt and that is the only thing here that is valuable is the time and love I put into it. It is quite okay for others to be less involved on this one, I take no offense whatsoever and thank you just the same for your comments. I am quite okay with it afterall.... HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU AND YOURS Magics02
M

magics02

16 years 5 months ago

Thank you Indi

Yes it does and I put alot of thought and work into it as you see I got two poems on here from a rainbow that I think he or she meant to put on her page. See you in the cafe and Happy New Year to you and Sabrina and baby too. Magics02 aka Ms Mona x0x0x00x0
Carchuleto

Carchuleto

16 years 5 months ago

Phenominal ending!

I rarely am able to be teared up by anything poetic, but that was quite the sad yet happy ending. The peaceful journey to the Lord's gates is supposed to be quite a wonderful one, though it may be confusing. You captured just the right feeling here. What a wonderful way to end such a journey! Thanks for sharing this blessed work with us!
M

magics02

16 years 5 months ago

Thank you

Thank you Carch and I am glad you understood that write the way you did. I so appreciate your words and I also am very happy to have met you our newest member in cafe. LOL... HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU AND THE FAMILY.. Talk to you soon. magics02 xoxoxo
M

magics02

16 years 5 months ago

HAPPY NEW YEAR BEAUTIFUL ONE

Thank you lovely as you always visit and I think someday when I visit that lovely snow weathered state of New York I shall meet you for pizza!! God Bless You and you have a wonderful new year..out with the old and in with the NEW.. Thanks for the stars too.. Love, magics02 xx0x0x000xxx0x0x
Nordic cloud

Nordic cloud

16 years 5 months ago

Into the blue blue sky of your imagination

Here and there there were details of rhythm that worried me but as you do not wish any advice, all I can say is that I loved its magic fairy tale like atmosphere and the devotion to your mother, your dog and God, you wended your way across a story of golden moments that stays with us afterwards as a kind of dream, even a mirage of reality, and yet it was truly real and therefore yes, magic. You Magic lady of the south, I wish you a year with many happenings as rich and wonderful as you experienced this one, with love from Ann in the snow. xxxoooo
M

magics02

16 years 5 months ago

Snow bird

Yes Anna it is okay for you to write and share insight on this one for me..the details of rhythm that worried you so. I am okay with it as it is all a learning tool your voice and voice of others..and yes I read this to both my Mom and Dad today and as silence fell afterwards, I think Mom was speechless and Dad had said the same thing I thought afterwards, the magnolia tree in the desert..and why I picked a magnolia tree is unbeknownst to me only that I thougth the smell and the shade of it warmed me under the tree with Mom and dog Magic...Dad had said how about a cactus or palm tree, as we know on a desert there are hardly any trees but the magnolia tree and the vision shall stay there as I can not take it out for it shall still stand there shading our tired bodies...have a wonderful day whatever time it is there on your side of the world, my wonderful snowbird lady. love, Magics02 xoxoxoxox
Nordic cloud

Nordic cloud

16 years 5 months ago

Magnolia tree

Just the sound of the MAGNOLIA TREE, is enough is it not, like a magnificent magnitude of opulent letters, and the real thing is so too, we had a pink magnolia over our dark green doorway, with the brass lion door knocker and when it flowered I remember, as a 3 yr old looking at it in wonder, those big cups of pink around the right side and over the top, more beautiful than the dawn sky as they were close to me, and felt like mine, and I could dwell in the thought of them, and do now, the rest of my life; I seldom see the pink variety, but I don't have to as they have become part of my inner garden forever. So when you said magnolia tree I was seeing it in its full splendour, although yours was the most beautiful white one, you must go to a gardens, or botanical garden and see them flowering, there are several varieties but the most splendid is the usual one. None come close to moving me as much as my own pink one when I was tiny. Many many hours I have spent in my garden in England, Devon, in all weathers in my old Mack and welly's, a string round my waist, weeding and loving to see what came up and flowered for me, from no where sometimes, it seemed. There your birds were with me, close to me, singing intimate songs specially the red robin, he was almost sitting on my shoulder, his eye on the millipedes and earwigs. The idea of a magnolia tree in a desert is a strong one you hang onto that my Magnolia lady, with much love from Ann. They are closely related to the Rhododendron-like trees that flower up the walls of Country houses in Old England, I believe, as they like the warmth of the Gulf Stream sent up by you from Florida, thank you for that as without it we would indeed be in a BIG FREEZE now.
M

magics02

16 years 5 months ago

The Pink Magnolia

Good Morning Snowbird lady How I enjoyed your story of the magnolia's when you were a tiny one. Something you hold so close to your heart A beautiful day has begun with the birds singing as one A visionary picture I paint in my head Of a beautiful lady I write of instead Her story of life, her pictures she paints A feeling I share, the songbird saint... As the embers cool down from the fire we share I feel your compassion and love ever so near The colors of pinks, adorn the beautiful white tree Here together sipping our tea, just you and me. I just started writing and up appeared on my screen, a theme, a feeling, a thought of the pink and white crimson flower of the magnolia tree. and of you snowbird wonderful lady. You have a beautiful day my snowbird lady as I sip my coffee and greet to you a soothing thought. Much Love, magical magic visions..... xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
sunscreen

sunscreen

16 years 5 months ago

Very good.

Very long, but it could not have painted a better picture in less words, very good, this one amazes me, I too hope to end up somewhere like that when my life force has been exhausted.
M

magics02

16 years 5 months ago

Thank you

your comment was heaven sent and yes my imagination was really riding that jeep on that last trip to the resting place with Mom and Magic...I do not know how they got chosen for this write but away it went like the dust from the desert and the warmth from out New Year's firepit tonight..thank you so much for the comments and the sparkling stars...lol..will visit yours soon also.. love magics02 xoxoxoxo
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Miss Mona

There is so much you could do with this poem ... I loved it but there are a few lines that could be trimmed and pruned to give it a better flow ... I loved it and with an edit it could be ...... up to you its your poem dear lady if you would like some suggestions I am happy to help ... much love and hugs Jayne x x happy new yr
M

magics02

16 years 5 months ago

Please go ahead dear serene

Yes please feel free as I shall listen and share your reasoning thoughts on this one. I have changed my stance and anyone wishing to correct or suggest what it is they see to make it more heavensent please feel free to do so, I will consider all suggestions. ( Seren I did however write this one for the contest, and possibly to change it that would probably bumped me out?? Oh well I am willing contest or not to listen you your critique..thank you love) Much Love and Peace magics02
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Miss Mona I just posted my

Miss Mona I just posted my poem and I am going to relax for a bit but will have a go at this in the morning have just copied it will trim and shape it a little for you and you can take what you thinks relevent or trash whats not its after all your vision your poem but I would love to help :) love and hugs Jayne x x
M

magics02

16 years 4 months ago

Thank you my choir boy and lovely

Glad I was to revisit this one as I went for the ride with the subject that was presented into the challenge for the month and oh what a ride it was. The imagination at times speaks for its self and its words. The castle still awaits those on the trip. Love Mona
chumfin

chumfin

16 years 2 months ago

its a blessing reading this!

you have said it all with this awesome poem, its a great piece, i love every bit and piece of this good poem. thank you chumfin
M

magics02

16 years 2 months ago

Thank you Chum

This was written a while back in December I spent alot of time on it and just let it ride. I am glad you liked it. Did you read the one from this morning, I am very sad today with the passing of a good friend late last night. Love, Mona Learn to live, learn to forgive. Life is too short.
chumfin

chumfin

16 years 2 months ago

my deep condolence! magic 02

i did. i must join you share your pain for the loss, am sure the person is very close to you. God grace will help with strength to bear such irreplaceable loss. it life , you win an sometimes make losses. am sure if you had the strength to make your friend live you would have done just that. be encouraged. my love to the family. tell them from AFRICA here we feel the pain of their loss. chumfin.
M

magics02

16 years 2 months ago

So kind of you my friend

Such a lovely comment brang a tear to my allready filled eyes. Kindred spirit you have, kindred spirit and I felt it in this comment to me. Love You Magics02 xoxoxo