Breaking Waves

As the waves break tall on the western shore,
They make me feel the breath of shining life,
Beating the sands with a thunderous roar,
That takes from me all anger stress and strife,
And as their power's spent upon the beach,
I know one effortless footstep forward
Will put me well within their grasping reach
To pull me inexorably westward,
Yet in this contemplation of quick death,
I find sacred preciousness of living,
Each new moment's pause of an indrawn breath
new argument for life continuing:
For of all the powers of our bright world
Only ocean serves to waken life unfurled.

— Race_9togo, Dec 29, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Earth Vicinity (within a five light-year radius), ZZC

Favorite Poets: John Donne, T.S. Eliot, Serendipity, Emily Dickenson, Kailashana, Charles Bukowski, Kabir, Rett, Dalton, W. B. Yeats, William Blake, Rainer Maria Rilke, and many other Neopoet poets; Neopoet has heavily influenced my poetry and my ability to write it well.

Critiques

Jadelynn

16 years 5 months ago

I really enjoyed this. There

I really enjoyed this. There are many beautiful lines. "I find sacred preciousness of living Each new moment’s pause of indrawn breath" To live is both sacred and precious, something far too many (myself included) often do not appreciate for its worth. What a lovely and simple way to remind those who have forgotten. You have put into words what we often relfect in times of heartache and trial. "Yet in this contemplation of quick death". Sadly it is often too late when we are awakened to a reality where we must recognize the true beauty of life, it can be in that very contemplation of quick death that we are forced to re-evalutate our lives, what we want, and how we will choose to live in the future. Wonderful considerations and insight in this work. Well done! My one suggestion might be in the last lines, "For of all of the powers of this world Only ocean serves to waken life unfurled" It seems to not flow as well as the rest of this wonderful poem. It might work well to maybe eliminate and substitue just one or two words. Perhaps something to the effect of: "For of all the powers of this world Only ocean serves to awaken life unfullfilled" Only a suggestion, and not to take away from a work very well done. xo, Jadelynn

Race_9togo

16 years 5 months ago

Thank you

I am glad that you enjoyed this. Yes, the line "For of all" etc. does not flow so well, so I will have to edit it, but I cannot change the number of syllables because this is my first attempt at a sonnet, which is quite restrictive in its rules. I struggled with that line, and it certainly does show, I agree. I'll have to think about how to make it flow better, without changing the last line. Thanks again Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

Baz

16 years 5 months ago

Beautiful

Very beautiful lines. I can identify with its content as I have worked at sea all my life, I am also a yachtsman and lived on or near the coast all my life. If there is any criticism, it's your lack of punctuation, e.g. "As the waves break tall on the western shore They make me feel the breath of shining life" The second line is a continuation of the first, so the "They" in the second line should be lower case, there should be a stop/period after "life". Also, in the line, "Yet in this contemplation of quick death", I believe that putting a comma after, "Yet", will add to the feeling as there will be a deliberate pause after yet and it will add drama and sobriety. Yet, in this contemplation of quick death. Seasons greetings Baz

Race_9togo

16 years 5 months ago

Thanks Baz

I added some punctuation, but not at the word "yet" because I think that would break the cadence. Glad that you enjoyed this so much. Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

Seren

16 years 4 months ago

Dear Jim

Applause I loved it ... sorry I cannot fault if this was my write I wouldnt muck around with it too much more you might take away from it kind regards love Jayne x x

Race_9togo

16 years 4 months ago

LOL Hi Jayne.

Wow, I'm missing your posts a lot. Sorry bout that hun, I'm just a fool! Glad you liked this so much. I did change that line that Jadelynn mentioned ( thanks Jadelynn) because it really was quite choppy and contrived. But that's it, no more editing, I promise! Thanks again Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race