The subway

Computer screen glass image
looks back
Emptying my stare blind
the pretensive lie
In the reason your living
Jumbling the mess with pictures

The one Piece strange silence
And the other parts that scream
let who the fuck out sunshine ?
Not your stop

Be patient is a reasoning
Holding together -- a cardboard strap
Not worth a subway fare to nowhere
The chicken shit crisp lies fresh
Neatly folded money self respect
You buy nailed to the floor
like ma ma's boy out for a ride
You ain't gettin far shoeblack stepping
through the turnstyle

Your rising chorus is chanting
Nothing, nothing, nothing gives
The cadence of the subway
Stops rushing by the black cold glass
Reflected you turn away seeing yourself
Seeing their eyes

— Orphani, Dec 23, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Critiques

Geezer

16 years 5 months ago

The Subway...

This is so close to being awesome! I had to read it three or four times to make the sense reveal it'self, If it had been twice or three... No specific faults I could see, I just had to work at it a little. ~ Gee

Orphani

16 years 5 months ago

Thanks for your comments. I

Thanks for your comments. I did some revisions to give it more continuity.I think the New york school modernists have gone to far into abstraction and intellectualism in their poetry for my tastes and I am searching for a balance of what I consider best in all forms ,and venture who knows where.Thanks bird dog. Barry ...o..

Nordic cloud

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Barry

First impression, I see the wurbled windows of the subway and in them the description of your life( the poems personality!) I see the belts driving the train, hear the scream of the lines as it corners the uneaten packet of crisps and chicken bits lying on a seat, you glimpse others through the doubled double windows, and their empty stare, they are all going somewhere, yet nowhere! Am I there? Ann o' Norway. Waiting to see more about it!!

Orphani

16 years 5 months ago

Always in the front seat

Always in the front seat Snow girl . Good to hear from you on top of the glacier love. Happy holiday. Barry ...o..

Nordic cloud

16 years 5 months ago

Thank you Barry O

Yes it has snowed ALL DAY and all that one knew has changed into something else like a magic theatre of white clad ghosts the still silence of the night black sky is the audience, an awesome vacant audience. Only a few pin pricks of light show that there is anything besides the black and the white in this world of Winter. It was so cold I bought myself a sequin covered jacket and competed with the young things in my Christmas dress, yea! Not looking other than me, no lipstick or anything like that! Happy holidays, but I am always on holiday now, and celebrate the fact every day skaal! Suddenly its Saturday, oh we have free on Saturday, but we have free every day whoopeeeeeee! Some compensations for getting old then! Have fun:- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jedd2FiZTqM Love from Ann o' Norway

Orphani

16 years 5 months ago

Are your skies waxed then?

Are your skies waxed then? That subway sceen you provided would never happen in N.Y.C U.S.A.Thanks for providing it.Love Barry...o..

lyz

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Barry

I think this was a clever write actually. Read it a little faster and the content comes to life, if you know what I mean. lol. I can imagine the images flashing by in the reflections of the window and how spooky to turn and see other eyes on you. I love the way you have played with words and I find it to be an excellent write. Love Lyz. XX

Orphani

16 years 5 months ago

Welcome Elf daughter, This

Welcome Elf daughter, This ones not finished yet. You have to live the poem to make it live and this is from a stale memory. Geezer left his knife and numb-chucks while he was here and When I go to return them i'm taking the tubes.Then i'll rewrite.What must it be like to be a unicorn in your hands? Don't even think about it. B

Nordic cloud

16 years 5 months ago

Lyz has the unicorn she is

Lyz has the unicorn she is the magic woman with her lovely wonderland nature, her warmth and joy in all things connected with love, the unicorn is safe and happy there Barry. Love Ann

lyz

16 years 1 month ago

Rewrote?

You know my mind is like a sieve, but reread I have. Seems you have added and yet it still is a beauty write, and hey, you may have finally rode the subway you so vividly wrote about. Always a pleasure Bazza. love Lyz. XX