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Seren
Seren
Dec 23, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Blown away

I was taught forgiveness
from a young age,
and turn the other cheek

But,
mothers leave their babies
in a metal babysitter 
so that they roast to death,
I watch men
sent to senseless wars
and blown to bits, 
as mothers try to hold onto
one tiny piece of a memory,
then 
receiving a casket
of their deepest condolences

I am now a well of rage
fathomless without forgiveness

I am now a wraith of mourning
that steels the light that glances the cheek

I will remember every slight
every nudge,
and every single sin you commit

for my memory is as long
as the rhythms in the sea
 


— Seren, Dec 23, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Beyond the Black Stump..Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, P.K.Page, W.H.Auden, to many and various to include them all ...

More from this author

Critiques

Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Anniethanks so much for

Dear Annie thanks so much for the comment this is a true story ... I was horrified by the news last night and thought ,... no one should forget what she did ... so I wrote it love and hugs Jayne
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Your too kind lovely have a

Your too kind lovely have a very merry Christmas its already christmas eve here ... (huggles) love and hugs Jayne x x
Geezer

Geezer

16 years 5 months ago

I love to hate...

The things that are outrageously senseless. The world is so beautiful and so tragic, all in the same time. Who can understand how it all works? I can't, but I will never stop loving it. We could never find anywhere else nearly as wonderous. Love and Huggles, ~ Gee
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dearest Gee

the things that are outrageously real are the things that sicken me the most ... we couldnt find another planet but damn sometimes they make me want to move postcodes love and hugs Jayne x x
weirdelf

weirdelf

16 years 5 months ago

I saw that news item.

And almost as disturbing was the people rushing to her defense! No-one leaves a child locked in a car, not even for a moment, no amount of "baby head" or "christmas stress" can excuse or even lessen it. Yet they also defend men getting blown to bits. For every atrocity there is some fuckwit rationaliser or apologist. Sometimes vengeance feels saner. Cheers, Jess, reprehensibly irrepressible
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Jess

There is no excuse fot what that woman did ... and I hope she goes to jail ... I watched in outrage as she was tended to by onlookers ... she played the victim well and drew much attention ... but what gets me is all her friends ringing radio stations defending her ... shes seriously got a problem when xmas shopping is more important than remembering something so precious in the back seat of the car ,..how the fuck do you forget you have your child in the backseat ... my kids are nearly grown and I still worry them senseless wondering where they are ... let alone leaving them in 40 something degree heat sorry had to vent I wondered if any of the aussies would pick up on this one love and hugs Jayne x x x
wolfycat

wolfycat

16 years 5 months ago

I do, also...

still worry and pray for my rown children, and now grandchildren. I am so there right with you:(
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

I think its up to us

I think its up to us wolfycat to make sure they dont fall too hard ... sometimes the getting up can take so much longer ... thanks for the visit .. we never stop worrying about our kids ... my mother used to say it to me and its so true now i am older ... she was right kind regards Jayne
Kailashana

Kailashana

16 years 5 months ago

Ignorance, stupidity,

Ignorance, stupidity, senselessness and accident know no boundaries, sadly. Thank you for being you Jayne.. ~Mum
B

bjp

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Jayne-Chloe,

Well, aside from that, how do you feel? The thing about this poem I most like is that you are unbending. These are the lines I Iiked most, although the second stanza gives the bulk of the weight to the poem: I am now a wraith of mourning that steels the light that glances the cheek I will remember every slight every nudge, and every single sin you commit [this line is a cliché, most can be saved with some modification] for my memory is as long as the rhythms in the sea Four stars for style and one more for moxy. Brian
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Brian

This isnt the one I was working on ... this was a news report that incensed me to write of it ... and I am glad you liked those lines ... I will work on it a little more it was more an outpouring than anything ... It never fails to amaze me how bloody stupid some people can be ... and selfish thanks for reading this one ... it needed to be told love and biggest hugs Jayne
seabhac

seabhac

16 years 5 months ago

who needs world news channels!

We have world Neo with instant response from those who are alive enough in the world to express their hurt and anger in far more intimate and thought provoking ways than any journalistic rag. Thanks Jayne
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dearest Seabhac

i was working on another poem and then this news report ... sent my blood pressure into the stratosphere ... i could not believe any mother could 'forget' she had her child in the backseat of the car ... and now her friends ring radio stations defending her as a mother ... in my eyes there is no excuse for forgetting your childs strapped into the backseat ... I was enraged and so is the rest of the country your welcome huni (hugs) Jayne
C

childof21

16 years 5 months ago

wow. i love it. i have no

wow. i love it. i have no clue what to say. speechless. its raw and diffren, passionite. its darkly beautiful. i love it..
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Heya Child of 21there isnt

Heya Child of 21 there isnt much to be said about this one its ugly truth ,.. but your comment is enough thank you ... and much appreciated kind regards Jayne
G

Godweed

16 years 5 months ago

horrible story, great poem

love this: "then receiving a casket of their deepest condolences" I find this so powerful, exhibiting the emptiness of "their deepest condolences" perfectly, at least for me... but the best lines... "I am now a well of rage fathomless without forgiveness" beautifully expressed. I agree that the 3rd line of the 2nd last verse needs a bit of tweaking - it's close but doesn't seem to fit the flow of the rest of the poem. for some reason I keep thinking "every stupid slighted sin" or something like that when I read it, but that's just how my head works and isn't necessarily right, i.e. what the heck is a "slighted sin" ?? Virginia
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Virginia

I agree that line needs work and hmmmm slighted sin ... slight means light fragile delicate or snob insult or rebuff.... so that would work !!! Virginia your a Genius .... I think that maybe the fix I have been searching for thank you so much !!! Biggest Smiles I am sooooooooooo glad you came for a visit :D much love Jayne-Chloe
hugo la rosa

hugo la rosa

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Seren:

I like this poem very much. It is real and honest. It is modern poetry, and of the best kind. I love the style, your voice is valiant, as much as your feelings. I believe human beings have feelings. Not just sensations, but feelings, with a heart. It is the difference that matters most, the one difference that set humans apart. Sincerely, Hugo
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dearest Hugo

Just commented on your new work ... thanks for your read as always ... your always welcome on my pages and your insights are always illuminating I have missed them ... but your back !! wonderful :D love and hugs Jayne x x x
L

Lunegirl

16 years 5 months ago

Dear jayne,Lazy parenting is

Dear jayne, Lazy parenting is often the cause of dreadful things happening to children. I didn't know about this story and was intregued by what you meant about the metal babysitters till i read the comments. I often write about the loss of war, that is bad enough to lose people through their often ignorant (but still their own) choices. But to lose a baby /child through the negligence of the parent, where the child is so vulnerable and has to be cared for, is sickening and saddening. Well done for expressing your anger and frustration saddness so aptly. A tribute to the loss of a baby. vix
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Vix

I am a mum of four I have forgotten the nappy bag my phone my wallet my keys..but never my kids ... dont know how anyone could forget something so precious ... the baby survived and the mother blamed it all on christmas head or stress her friends rang radio stations defending her ... but the picture of the little boy half dehydrated will stay with me forever it was near to middle thirties temp wise that day and he would not have lasted much longer ... I felt pressed to write this one thanks for the comment its much appreciated Jayne-Chloe
A

AnyakoPrincess

16 years 5 months ago

I can tell this wasn’t a

I can tell this wasn't a planned poem. There is nothing artificial about. This is poetry in its rawest and truest form. I feel the emotion in it and I know that it comes from within. Lovely...
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Anyako

It wasnt planned it just flowed out your right ... thanks for your wonderful comment ... it is much appreciated you take care and welcome to Neopoet I see your new ;) Love Jayne x x
L

lyz

16 years 5 months ago

You go girl

How come I missed this. Great words. A friend broke a car window about 5 weeks ago to get a kid out, she had called the cops but she is being charged for wilful damage to the car. No mention on the news, kid back with his mum and Jen summoned to court. It has not begun yet. Go figure. Any mum who could do this is not a mum and does not deserve children. Good on you, I thank you for voicing what we most think. Love from one mum to another. Lyz. Xx
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Thank you for your wonderful

Thank you for your wonderful comment and please forgive me for being slack today ... I'm catching up on messages when I can ... just been flat out,I dont think I have left anything in the house unwashed lol ... told snake not to sit still or he was next lol ... anyway gotta go I am getting stuff sorted for tomorrow take care lovie and ill ring you when i get five minutes probably in the afternoon tomorrow .... before i go to my appointment love and hugs Jayne x x