Living in the Fairy Tales

Lil sister, lil sister, what have you done? written an amazing poem, that's what! Just a few touch ups: Silent ballerina dressed dark, lingers in shadows and (just put a comma here, don't really need "and) twirls in the shade, in her own dark world away from everything,(you used the word "dark" really close together...another word to describe her world maybe? dolorous, shrouded, etc. thesaurus.com, kiddo.) No one can judge her,here tucked away in nothing. (that comma makes the line read awkwardly.. "No one can judge her when she's tucked away in nothing" ? I'll let you work it out.) She gorgeous in her dreams, (She's) But very dramatic, beautiful, sad and just amazing. Definitely your best, girl!!!!!!!!! She lives in her fairy tales away from all space and time dreaming of perfect places where she can be alone, away from all those people who’ve done nothing but whine. Family is gone too. She cant hear their screaming here. My favourite part. And your title is awesome too, so fitting but not repeated in the poem. Peace~~~~~~

Cousin, great job on this one. Along with Morgana's suggestions, aesthetically I'd like to see it more along these lines. Silent ballerina dressed dark, lingers in shadows and twirls in the shade, in her own dark world away from everything, black rose petals on the ground not one sound from all around. She still feels watched, never alone in her mind, still she twirls around all the time No one can judge her, here tucked away in nothing. She lives in fairy tales away from all space and time dreaming of perfect places where she can be alone, away from those people who’ve done nothing but whine. Family is gone too. She cant hear their screaming here. She gorgeous in her dreams, long black hair and silver-blue eyes. but nothing can hide what she feels inside, even in your own dreams and joy, fear and sorrow seem to hide. Always feeling watched, never alone. One eye away others watching her sway. Her abroad world swirling out of rule Always watched, even in her own world where the black roses bloom in paved streets. Respectfully, Rett: “Anyone who sacrifices liberty for security deserves neither.” Benjamin Franklin

I love it Adri Bella p.s- i got my phone turned off yesterday FYI p.s.s- Merry Christmas

The begginings of a growing talent, that shows great promise. Well done work of artistry. Barry ...o..

I really liked this poem. I think you are very talented. I look forward to reading more from you. -Let your imagination soar ~Midnight~ Shay

Morganas suggestions and Rett's re-formatting are excellent. Now do the changes that work for you and let us see this poem grow. Cheers, Jess, reprehensibly irrepressible

I no longer regard you as a child poet, you are a serious poet and deserve real critical feedback. Cheers, Jess, reprehensibly irrepressible