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O
Orphani
Dec 22, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Anger at Big Bills

Anger
Slits the dark throat of night
Day bleeds light
Into morning windows
Begging bones shafting through the dirty glass
Scrapping sky onto  sidewalks of   Street traffic
Searching into even
The garbage can lids Essent dislocation

Hiding shadows beneath a shining disinfectant
A woman’s body washes off
The draining water filth with
College money


Pristine illuminated office
100 floors up the skyline heaven
Christian – Dior rich god
Sits still on a toilet seat
Manhattan above the plumbing fixtures

 
A precision of silent, sleepless clockwork
Cold relentless calculation
In its gathering mouth
The  wheat  priced out from the walled streets below
Up against there  shit


Tattoo shell game of law – clean shirt tie covered
Rateing  interests
Mobility at the speed of foreclosure
Rattling  bars till Big Bills liqueur store opens
And hands me another bag of endings

— Orphani, Dec 22, 2009

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Critiques

jove

jove

16 years 5 months ago

I can almost hear Bruce

I can almost hear Bruce Cockburn Singing these lyrics in concert. Very well done. "Shit" ? Street walls is still "Wall Street" in case you were trying to get around that . Otherwise, very vivid imagery, "begging it's bone" I like it , written by a person who lives in the middle of its' point of view, one would gather! lol You have a tallented pencil there my friend, now sharpen it just a wee bit and put it to work writing a book ! By Jove !
O

Orphani

16 years 5 months ago

Thanks Jove. I have to check

Thanks Jove. I have to check out some of Bruces stuff. I'm about 60 miles outside of Manhatten N.Y across the bay.I use the imagery of a highly capitalist creation to make the point of dislocation in sociaty. Just started working on this particular style of modernist freestyle.Any crit.you can give is much appreciated. Barry ...o..
B

bjp

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Barry

Inordinantly graphic poem. Here the hatred muscles really flex. There are so many great lines. Anger Slits the dark throat Of day Light bleeds Into morning windows Begging it’s bone thru the dirty glass of street traffic Seeking even the garbage can lids ... Hiding shadows beneath a shining disinfectant A woman’s body washes off The draining water of filth ...office 100 floors up skyline heaven christian – Dior rich fag Manhattan above the plumbing fixtures still sits on a toilet The sleepless clock precise, cold ,calculated ,relentless In it’s gathering The wheat is priced out of the mouth – street walls Shit is up again... The whole poem actually. This is a great poem! Brian
O

Orphani

16 years 5 months ago

Thanks for the encouraging

Thanks for the encouraging feed.I am striving to learn the modernist style of poetry to get a better feel for it's language and structure. I hope eventually to blend all the elements of my poetic understanding into one style as much as possible and incorporate what is best of each, at least into my understanding, and to become proficient in blending them and achieve a hybrid.Thanks again Brian. Barry ...o..
O

Orphani

16 years 5 months ago

I generally post my poetry

I generally post my poetry in its raw form and then begin the editing I find that way easyer if I think the basic poem has a little merit. Thanks Theo. Barry ...o..
B

bjp

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Barry,

I have added this poem to my great poetry series (#48). If you would prefer not to be included in the series please let me know. Again, a wonderful poem. Brian
O

Orphani

16 years 5 months ago

That’s alright with me.

That's alright with me. What formula do you use to determine ones greatness by. I always thought i'd be long dead by then. Barry...o..
B

bjp

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Barry,

How did you get here? Congratulations on the spotlight! Brian
Kailashana

Kailashana

16 years 5 months ago

Well done Barry! You know

Well done Barry! You know how much I love it when poets shine the light on shit. Thank you. ~A Don’t let your victories go to your head, or your failures go to your heart.
O

Orphani

16 years 5 months ago

I want to approach my work

I want to approach my work from a more raw and realistic point of view to increase the impact in it's voice. Please point out any areas of conjecture. Barry ... o..
Z

ziggy

16 years 5 months ago

anger

hi there barry some great imagery here in this write different from some of your others and many great lines , happy xmas chat soon ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,ziggy
O

Orphani

16 years 5 months ago

I love you Irishman. Thanks

I love you Irishman. Thanks for stopping by.If you read the above comments you will get a feel for what I am trying to do. I like elements of modernist poetry but I feel it has shifted to much into abstaction and intellectualism for my tastes. But I like the basic elements and the freedom of it.I want a common voice and appeal in my work that avoids over intelectuallizing poetry.The use of grandiose words that no one ever uses except when they want to flaunt their pedigree.Not that presise words aren't acceptable- they are. In fact there very important. It's just when there shoved in, and don't add to the thrust of what the poem is trying to say .But are mere window dressing.I'm coming over to review some of your work soon Zig. Thanks for stopping.Barry ...o..
ID

Ink Dragon

16 years 5 months ago

Hi Barry,

loved the poem. Raw and stark. Please change it's to its, I have an issue with this sort of thing, and believe me, an angry dragon isn't a pretty sight ;) Congrats on the great poetry entry! Yours, ~Nina
O

Orphani

16 years 5 months ago

Thanks Nina. Any help you

Thanks Nina. Any help you can give in regard to grammar structure or content are very deeply appreciated. I am weak in spelling and grammar particularly.Yes I am striving for more realissm in my work. Thanks again for your visit. Barry ...o..
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Barry

Mum always said to me better late then never ... lol ... Hatred blindly red ... thats what I can see and these are my favourite lines... congrates on the great poetry entry Hiding shadows beneath a shining disinfectant A woman’s body washes off The draining water of filth kind regards love Jayne
O

Orphani

16 years 5 months ago

I am always humbled by your

I am always humbled by your visits to my work. I guess I shouldn't mention that I am in love with you and your poetry, but then again so is everybody else.Let us know when your poems get published so we can trouble you for an autographed copy.Love as rich as rain always. Barry ...o..
C

chrisbyrne

16 years 5 months ago

Good and dark!

Both of your poems have a darkly lyrical quality to them, I like the way that "Anger at big bills" seems to jerk and buck you around, as unpredictable as the world it discribes. Good work!