The mourning after

Really a brilliantly revealing poem. Thank you. ~A Don’t let your victories go to your head, or your failures go to your heart.

Hello There, I hope this small crit does not offend. Catchy opening lines. I like! Although, as to the broken thorns , are they thorns from roses and are they broken in representation to a lost love or loved one ? "ail" ? hmmm Threw me there, I'm not sure why, maybe "tears told tale" might fit better for me as I read it. Your words are fine just me! I like the switched mirrored ending yet I wish it were not . OH The ending that is , I wish it would have went on a little longer. I gather what's going on just wish I was a little more in the" know ". Besides I like the style. By Jove !

Great first post. You have a voice I would like to hear more of. I loved the simplicity of this but its depth held me. Two places I faltered timbre, pitch and tears soothe ail I read the (ail) as all in the first reading and only the comment above drew my attention to it. When I read the final lines many mourned, slipped away the grey that guides again holds sway I feel a comma the grey that guides(,)again holds sway is needed to as it throws the balance off to read to again and then holds again. These are only suggestions. I really like this poem Best Wishes Seabhac

Brilliant .. I love equivocal poems .. and yours was really good. I also loved the fact that it was short and sweet. Because sometimes poems can just drag on and on. But yeah brilliant work =)

Welcome to neopoet I look forward to your next if this is just a taste of whats to come one thing ... I got caught on ail as well ... why not ails :) ? would have better flow in my opinion but just a suggestion Or 'timber, pitch and tears smite ails' or 'timber, pitch and tears paint pales all just suggestions but I really loved this write .. kind regards love Jayne

Just read your comment to Jove how about bones instead of thorns lol ??? just an idea thrown into the pot lol kind regards Jayne x