Hoarfrost and Love

Hoarfrost and Love

Love for you stood still
Outside your windowsill
Waited for that moment when
You would let me in

My heart leaped at the moon
Crested on your lips so smooth
Skipped a beat at stars so bright
Cascaded in your eyes

Harmonics filled my ear
Your voice so bold I hear
Traveled through my eardrums
Spiraled pass your tongue

A warm gentle caress
Lingered in my flesh
Waited on a ledge
For love that was untested

We never found each other
Or broke the ice between us
As a glacier relentless thrust
Could not break our hoarfrost

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— Barbara Writes, Dec 16, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Billy Collins, Shakespeare, , Emily Dickinson, , , Whitman, Jess Tapper

Critiques

Race_9togo

16 years 5 months ago

This is really good

Pace, imagery, evocation, this really rocks. Should this line.... "Lingered in my flesh" be "Lingered on my flesh" ? I like it the first way just fine though, it kind of shocks a bit! Nice one Barb Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

Barbara Writes

16 years 5 months ago

Thanks Jim

lingered on my flesh sounds just as good as the original. I'll change it. thanks for reading and commenting. ~~~~~~~~~ Be whoever you are At all times, and Remember that Because of this, people will Always Respect, and Admire you ©2008Leonard Respectfully Yours, Barbara

weirdelf

16 years 5 months ago

Beg to differ

I like the deep intimacy of "in my flesh" This is awesome Barbara. By god your writing has grown and improved so much, from little things like spelling and grammar through imagery, wordcrafting and emotional connection. It gives me tingles and pride to have watched your journey and participated a little. You know I am not generally fond of rhyming couplets but you handle them here with grace and elegance, the half-rhymes and non-rhymes helping to soften the often rigid pattern of couplets. My only problem is that I feel the last stanza stumbles a little. Tell me what you mean by the last 2 lines, perhaps I can help. glaziers glaciers Write on, sister, affectionately, Jess, whose nature is irrepressible

Barbara Writes

16 years 5 months ago

Thanks Jess

I really appreciate your opinion. I am glad you think "in the flesh" is better because deep intimacy is exactly what I wanted to convey. On the flesh, though it is okay, did not. I'm not big on rhyming either, but decided to rhyme this one after I started writing it. I am glad it came out so well. I am glad for all the help you gave me I know I am better because of you. All I did before coming here was write my feelings and thoughts. I didn't even like reading other poems. Because of your encouragement I now read and can understand other people poems a little better. The last two line was suppose to convey the idea of melting ice breaking away and falling into the sea, but instead of melting further it only freezes harder. Glacier a matter of spelling. I thought a beat the spelling pest this time. thanks I will correct it. Raw rhymes with hoarfrost. I could not come up with a better word that would rhyme. ~~~~~~~~~ Be whoever you are At all times, and Remember that Because of this, people will Always Respect, and Admire you ©2008Leonard Respectfully Yours, Barbara

weirdelf

16 years 5 months ago

Just some thoughts

Cause melted glaciers in the raw Had a better chance at hoarfrost a continental iceberg lost freezes no more than hoarfrost a glaciers relentless thrust cannot break our hoarfrost Cheers, Jess, reprehensibly irrepressible

Barbara Writes

16 years 5 months ago

Jess

Thanks for the suggestions. It sounds much better. The rhyming changes at the end from two to three. I think its good that way. ~~~~~~~~~ Be whoever you are At all times, and Remember that Because of this, people will Always Respect, and Admire you ©2008Leonard Respectfully Yours, Barbara

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Barbara

This is just wonderful I loved it .. brilliantly writen and I can say I too like the 'in my flesh' I would leave it as is ... but its your baby you carry it whichever way you please :) love and hugs Jayne

Barbara Writes

16 years 5 months ago

Thanks Jayne

I like "in the flesh" better too. It gives the poem a warm fuzzy feeling I think. I'm really grateful for your comments. ~~~~~~~~~ Be whoever you are At all times, and Remember that Because of this, people will Always Respect, and Admire you ©2008Leonard Respectfully Yours, Barbara