Neopoet

Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

loved
loved
Dec 15, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Look into your eyes

Look into your eyes

 

All that I know about eyes

Are those eyes doing lie.

If a person wears goggles

All the time

He can’t be ever

Speaking the truth

 

If you can't look

Into my eyes and speak

Then you must be hiding

Or else lying or laying

With some one else too

 

Note, eyes speak for themselves

 

Pigments and inter- racial

Cross insemination

Can’t be held responsible

For cheating and lying

That has become

Grotesquely rampant

No one can be relied upon

That clearly I can say

 

— loved, Dec 15, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: ROU

More from this author

Critiques

Bonitaj

Bonitaj

16 years 5 months ago

Hello Loved!

It is I to once again stop by and do some grammatical corrections. Loved your poem - seeped in the cynicism of a lover betrayed. ok.. now the work: 2nd line THOSE EYES DO LIE (not lieing - incorrect tense) HE CAN'T BE EVER SPEAKING THE TRUTH (He can't speak the truth)The existing version sounds like a direct translation from Fasi or Urdu - but it's not close enough to the spoken word. THAT CLEARLY I CAN SAY ( that I can honestly say) Brave write - english a little convoluted - but that's why we post here - to have it corrected! Keep up the inspirational work! Bonita j ps Shouldn't it be LOOK INTO MY EYES... to make sense of the text?
loved

loved

16 years 5 months ago

thanks

grateful thanks to you for your consideration of my abstract non- conventional poem as a real poem