Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

The war of courage and cowardice

The stars shouted down at their dimly glinting reflections upon  the sea    ''In truth I am a little frustrated at you for lacking courage''
The shout rebounded off the mountains and became a roar.
At this the sea grew angry building a black rage.

Thinking that the roar came from the mountains the sea hurled its self at their majestic gleaming towers.
In a torrent of froth and spit it smashed itself upon the mountains again and again.
The mountains quick to retaliate began to tremble and quake
They rose and shook so violently that the sea beds split and cracked

This caused the sea to roll so unsteadily the mountains began to move and slide
The earth became unsteady rapidly beginning to unravel
And so began the war of water and solid caused by the stars’ accusation?
Or caused by misunderstanding and circumstance?

Seeing the ensuing chaos the stars began to wonder,
was all this upheaval worth it?
Surely if their reflections lacked courage it was their own problem?
If patience and thought had not already lent strength would ever anything?

Was it the stars loss or the reflections if they had no care for fight of something rare?
Were they even worth it if they would so easily give up a seeming precious thing?
Whispering gently this time the stars said to their reflections
”As your lack of courage grows so does now my disinterest in this matter”

This time the statement was delivered in a cooling breeze upon the rolling waves
Which then rebounded gently over the mountains leaving them to sigh in wariness.
The seas frothing waves became once again calm,
The mountains trembling ceased as quickly as it started.

And though the scars were upon the moved mountains and open seabed
in time they would heal and become forgotten reminders.
As the stars closed their minds to this small thing
A beautiful cloud passed over blocking the reflections from their sight and memory.

 

About This Poem

About the Author

More from this author

Comments

professor

professor

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Vicki

Once again there is much here to admire although your poem does not use structure and flow to its full advantage and there are perhaps too many superfluous words. There is really an opportunity to use the structure of this poem to complement the landscape imagery. I will try to give you an example of what I mean using the first part of the poem. By the way the spelling is "Cowardice": Stars cried down reflections on the sea ”i'm frustrated at your lack of courage’ Their shout rebounded off mountains, became a roar, as the sea grew angry tossed into a rage. Thinking that the mountains roared sea lashed their magestic gleaming towers, again and again in torrented froth and spit. They, quick to retalliate, trembled and quaked, rising and shaking so violently, sea beds split and cracked until waves rolled unsteady and mountains sheared and slid unraveling fractured earth. As always these are just suggestions but hopefully you can see what effect removing a number of "thes" and "thats" and using short lines for emphasis can do to create the more stormy atmosphere your words describe. with my best wishes Keith
L

Lunegirl

16 years 5 months ago

Thankyou for your comment, I

Thankyou for your comment, I like the way you have rewritten the beginning, The thing is the stars arn't talking about themselves in this poem. They are talking to their love, who is depicted as their reflection. i know i haven't convayed this well at all so will think on how to rewrite better, thes and thats, much agreed thanks again vicki
professor

professor

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Vicki

Perhaps then you could start with: "The stars shouted down their love in dimmly glinting reflections upon the sea". If I may be so bold as to offer some more advice to you at this stage it is to shorten your lines. Apart from deliberate prose poems which have no line structure at all, you will rarely see any good poetry which uses very long lines because they then cease to have any major role in helping to structure the rhythm and flow of the words....they simply become points at which to take another breath. This is one of the things I have been trying to show you with my editing suggestions. with my best wishes Keith