The risk of broken i love you

Cradle me in your arms once again
for in their warm i shall glow
seek not the tame of a love
for the safe
but the roar of
risk
that does come wearing passion

For a fool
does not follow hearts but heads
in the secret dark of night
it is a lonely place
the unbrave reside
even in the net of the known

To feel over fear
fulfilled you should be
for even if only in a small instant
to know a love like that
lived in the ghost of a memory
tempted with a whisper of the past
that lives on in the vacated full heart

Is to know a life experienced
in the moment of clarity
better one day of intensity that brings tears
than a life time of muted pretence.

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Comments

professor

16 years 5 months ago

Ah yes Vickie

better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. You have clearly located a spell checker lol. This poem is better structurally too although I'm not sure "risk" needs to be on a separate line. Possibly your emotive first verse (for me the best part) could be tweaked a little in the middle and end to give it even more flow and emphasis Cradle me in your arms once again, for in their warm i shall glow. Seek not hollow safety in a tame love but the roar of risk that comes wearing ("shouting" or "biting" perhaps to compliment "roar") passion. I would have preferred more illustrative imagery to be honest than you have used here...it is very much a poem that "tells" how it is rather than "shows". with best wishes Keith

Lunegirl

16 years 5 months ago

I Have so much to learn,

I Have so much to learn, I've asked some one to mentor me on here and they have been really helpful, I think i need indeed to work on, showing and seducing the reader rather than telling. Thankyou for the helpful comments, i will look at what my mentor has suggested with this poem and what you have and see if i will revise for a better read thankyou vicki

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Vix

I agree with all of Keiths suggestions lol take of his advice what you need hes helped me be better writer ... another great poem I am looking forward to watching you grow, we all fall on our faces I still stuff up on a regular basis lol ... its when you fall and get up again that makes the writer ... and your a writer ;) love and hugs Jayne x x