Threshold OfTime

Threshold of Time

The year does not yet end

As we still have

To Christmas spend

The year still stands

When the year 2009 does end

I shall stand by you

My dear friend

Till then

Let the year pass peacefully

As they then did say

‘The Ides of March had come,

But not yet gone away.’

So let’s await the finality

Let’s not advance an end

That does yet await humanity

Then it shall again not end

As it moves over

Yet another year

Also will carry us over

— loved, Dec 05, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: ROU

Critiques

Morgana Tragic…

16 years 5 months ago

I think I got a vague

I think I got a vague message from this, but it does need some work. I'll give you a few suggestions to start out. For starters, you don't always need capital letters at the beginning of a new line. It almost makes the flow as you read sound like each line is one sentence, when sometimes one sentence takes up two or three lines of a poem. Secondly, don't be afraid to use punctuation as you normally use it, periods at the end of sentences and commas where appropriate, etc. makes it a smoother read. So for example: So let’s await the finality, let’s not advance an end that does yet await humanity. Then it shall again not end. And one more thing: The year does not yet end As we still have To Christmas spend (these two lines don't really make sense to me, should it maybe be "As we still have/Christmas to spend"?) The year still stands When the year 2009 does end (and you use "does" a lot...maybe ease up on how many times you use it and try other words or avoid it completely, gets repetitive.) I shall stand by you My dear friend I think you have a good start here, with a little work this could be a great poem. Hope I was some help. Peace~~~~

loved

16 years 5 months ago

great

thanks for the education will keep a note of it but some sites want first letter to always start with a capital lets see thanks again ur comments i do appreciate

Morgana Tragic…

16 years 5 months ago

Ahh ok I never knew that

Ahh ok I never knew that about other sites. Neopoet doesn't require that, I always capitilized letters at the beginning of lines too just because that's what I was taught, but it was here at Neo I was told you don't have to. Hope you're enjoying the site. Peace~~~~

loved

16 years 5 months ago

thanks

u exchange views well good pl do keep up the trend