Seductress

I am the Growing desire
The smoke in the middle
of the night
The heat that taunts and rages

I am your wrong intentions
Heavy breathing
Piercing screams
The ravaging fingers
on sweat-slicked flesh

I am pillaging hunger and insatiable greed,
sinning my way through poetic silence.
Unspoken lusts
Secret glances
I am Pulsing fire

Damned what stands in the way
I am unnatural disaster
An explosion of sparks and metal
I ignite the world until it burns
Feel me!!

I am Temptation.

— violet, Dec 05, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

Critiques

Kailashana

16 years 6 months ago

Now THIS IS A POEM!

Now THIS IS A POEM! Brilliant! Love it! Brava! Temptation, caught in the act of creation/destruction. ~A a suggestion: that births, or birthing its (residue-rather than using "it") "...when it agrees with reason and it will benefit one and all, then accept it and live by it." ~ Buddha

professor

16 years 6 months ago

Hi Violet,

As Anna says, this one definitely is a poem and an effective and evocative one at that. For me the only verse that you might want to look at is the second one. I think the repeat of "I am" in this case isn't that necessary and interrupts the flow rather. Splitting sweat-soaked across two lines is a little uncomfrotable as well. Like Anna I had a little trouble with "birthing it". How about: "I am your wrong intentions Heavy breathing, Piercing screams. The ravaging fingers on sweat-slicked flesh giving it birth." with my best wishes Keith

violet

16 years 6 months ago

thankyou

i appreciate your suggestions.. very helpful indeed!.. during writing, i had a great deal of trouble deciding how to write the 'birthing' part. i think it is a little better without it?.. what do you think? :) thankyou again for your advice, i appreciate it x

professor

16 years 6 months ago

Dear Violet

yes i do agree the verse is better without the birthing line. All the best Keith

Seren

16 years 6 months ago

Dear Violet

The above says it all Brava ... well written and executed ... I now wait for your next ... kind regards love Jayne x x x