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themoonman
themoonman
Dec 04, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Crowded Rooms

I wanna ride the elephant
that no-one sees

shadow into obscurity

but I'm here
flawed and noticed
and most certainly alive

I know it
because I'm miserable

with my own reasons for sadness
undeniably so
and hating the feeling

wallowing in the stink
of personalized bullshit

but I'm not clever enough
to explain the whys
I just know
I wanna saddle that elephant
— themoonman, Dec 04, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

More from this author

Critiques

themoonman

themoonman

16 years 6 months ago

Hi Annie...

No, I sure don't want to fall off that elephant, I'll break a hip (lol) thanks for reading Richard
themoonman

themoonman

16 years 6 months ago

Sweet Annie...

thank you so much, and when I need to unload, I'm coming for ya, and remember, you asked for it (lol)... love to ya Annie!
Geezer

Geezer

16 years 6 months ago

Crowded Rooms...

I am not sure if I should encourage you to ride that #*&% ing elephant or not, it sounds like it might get you in trouble. LOL I love the line "wallowing in the stink of personalized bullshit". At any rate, it made me think, and I guess that is what it is all about! ~ Gee
themoonman

themoonman

16 years 6 months ago

Thanks Gee...

always a pleasure to see your responses to my crazy writings. appreciate it very much Richard
Kailashana

Kailashana

16 years 6 months ago

I can only smile, my Beloved

I can only smile, my Beloved moonman. Hugs of Love. ~A p.s. sadness "...when it agrees with reason and it will benefit one and all, then accept it and live by it." ~ Buddha
themoonman

themoonman

16 years 6 months ago

Anna...

thanks for the hugs, and I'm sending em double back... thanks for the spelling... my spell-check seems to be on the blink, along with my spelling. Richard
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

16 years 6 months ago

Richard

Maybe the pure soul of the Elephant can carry you down the road a ways, and get you out of the funk of your personalized bullsh!t. Giving you the gift of clarity from a distance. Always, Cat but please don't follow that shadow into obscurity.
themoonman

themoonman

16 years 6 months ago

Hey Cat...

thanks, I'll try not to fall into the shadows, but sometimes it seems the best thing to do... in those crowded rooms where everyone is judging you for the way you look or for what they know about you... I toyed with the title being "family reunion", because that is how I've felt at those from time to time. thanks Richard
L

Lonnie

16 years 6 months ago

A true gem, Richard!

I haven't seen much of your work, but I can say for a fact that I love this one! It's full of wit, wisdom, and a substantial dose of your personality! Great job, my friend!
themoonman

themoonman

16 years 6 months ago

Hi Lonnie...

thanks man, glad you liked it... hope all is going good for you and yours.
Heading South

Heading South

16 years 6 months ago

Dear Richard

I really like this...it is very raw and direct. I am sure most people with any kind of poetic sensibility have had the contradictory experience of feeling lonely and out of place in a crowded room...of wanting to slide into obscurity...of being acutely aware of an elephant that no one else seems to see. Great poem! Daniel
themoonman

themoonman

16 years 6 months ago

Hi Daniel...

first of all let me thank you for sharing your name, it is the name I gave my oldest son so I'm partial to it anyway. Raw, yes I tend to write in a way that can make some not want to read, bad words and all (lol), but it is part of my nature. Glad you could see into the write... Thank you! Richard
Kailashana

Kailashana

16 years 6 months ago

p.s. No one ever talks about

p.s. No one ever talks about the elephant in the living room, it's just not an *appropriate* subject matter. Perhaps someone riding the elephant would be. ;-) ~A "...when it agrees with reason and it will benefit one and all, then accept it and live by it." ~ Buddha
themoonman

themoonman

16 years 6 months ago

Anna...

what a great comment... no-one does mention the elephant but they are all aware it's there, they dance around it and mingle with small talk about everyone else... and you're right, even if you could saddle the beast, it would give them something to talk about for sure... and there goes my shadows (lol) thanks for understanding so well
jetz

jetz

16 years 6 months ago

Hi Richard, It’s been a

Hi Richard, It's been a while since I have read any of your poems. What a wonderful one to read after my absence. I certainly identified on a number of the images you gave us in this piece. In reading other responses, I am not alone. Two questions for you though. What are you smoking, and do you have any more ? Great write, Richard, elephant and all. smiles, Sue
themoonman

themoonman

16 years 5 months ago

Hi Sue...

I thank you for your great comments, and... I can't tell ya what I'm smokin, but if you come by.... (lol) big smiles Richard
Race_9togo

Race_9togo

16 years 6 months ago

LOL

This is really good. Flow's perfect, the imagery is great. Just do me a favor; make that elephant trample some of that damned misery, will you? Heehee. Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race
themoonman

themoonman

16 years 5 months ago

Jim...

thank you sir, and if I can ever get on the beasts back, I'll try to trample some of everyone's misery out. Richard
deelilah

deelilah

16 years 6 months ago

Hello Richard

Long time no talk to. Another one to think about and wonder what it's really about. I just know it's always fun to read your work and wonder. I do hope you're not really too sad. And about this: 'I just know I wanna saddle that elephant' me too. Always, Deelilah
themoonman

themoonman

16 years 5 months ago

Hi Dee...

No, I'm not usually sad, but like everyone else I have my moments. thanks, I hope you and your husband are keeping it between the ditches. Richard
weirdelf

weirdelf

16 years 5 months ago

IwannahelfontooIwannahelfontooIwannahelfontooIwannahelfontoo!!!!

[stamps his feet and holds his breath till he turns blue] Elegant and touching, you got the craft man. You will seldom hear this from me, maybe take a seat, I think this could do with some rhyming, to counterpoint the imagery with the emotional content. Cheers, Jess, reprehensibly irrepressible
themoonman

themoonman

16 years 5 months ago

Jess...

So glad you stopped in to read my little write, and it's a good thing I was sitting already... more rhyming... damn, but you know what, that is excellent feedback... I'll have to take another look! thanks Jess Richard
W

W.C.Wampler

16 years 5 months ago

Crowded rooms...poem...comment

Moon.,As poets, we recognize what makes us know we're alive. We always think about it. Sometimes we write about it. Other times we try to write stuff that helps us forget about it. You're good at all of the above. Another excellent poem, sir...wcw
themoonman

themoonman

16 years 2 months ago

W.C.W....

we recognize what makes us know we're alive... great line there! Richard
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Richard

May the elephant walk you out of shadows ... I know this feeling of sadness all too well ... brilliant write and i agree with Jess's suggestion love and hugs Jayne
themoonman

themoonman

16 years 2 months ago

Hi Jayne...

sorry about so long on getting back here, I just may change this one a bit... Richard
L

lyz

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Richard

This is a very well written poem and to me the first step. I empathize for you and yes this feeling is known. Hard to understand but in this poem you have addressed it. You are not alone when you share and there will always be someone here, there to listen. I am grateful to see you have not let it get the better of you and as for that elephant, well, I am like Dark, dont fall off. Love and best wishes dear man. Love Lyz. XX
themoonman

themoonman

16 years 2 months ago

Hi Lyz...

thanks, I'm glad you understood the feeling and yet sorry that you do. For me, poetry is like that... Sad knowing that so many can understand the need to go unnoticed. thank you Lyz, I hope all is well with you and yours! Richard
L

lyz

16 years 2 months ago

All is well

as I hope it is your end. I will be back haunting all soon and until then, I will just keep my finger in the pie occasionally. I miss you all. I sometimes have to rely on Jayne or Ann to fill me in. And you, my dear friend, will just have to put up with me, lol. You take extra care and you are in my thoughts often dear heart. Love to you and yours from me and mine. Lyz. XX
NM

Nicole Michaels

16 years 2 months ago

CRIT

Awesome opening: Are you ready to revise this one? Been awhile since you posted. Maybe it's worth a visit.
NM

Nicole Michaels

16 years 2 months ago

One way to go

Couple options. 1) Freewrite on the opening stanza 2)Cluster on a couple of key words or images. By cluster I mean write a word down then start writing down words that come up, like spikes on a wheel, build out from there, until you have a lot of words on the page 3) Google elephants and another image. See where the facts take you 4) Rewrite the poem in a form 5) Take the poem, select a dozen or so random words from the dictionary, and I mean random. Work the new words into the old poem, see what surfaces. Gives new life to old work; can be very refreshing and surprising.
themoonman

themoonman

16 years 2 months ago

Nicole...

that is great advice, I actually have recently been using the random wording thingy... I called it "jumbles", and it has taken me in very interesting directions. I will try out your ideas, thank you for being here and I hope more poets will read your suggestions and try them out. thanks Richard
M

magics02

16 years 2 months ago

I loved this one moonman

Great job here and how did I miss that elephant in the room again. Love Mona xoxoxox Learn to live, learn to forgive. Life is too short.
themoonman

themoonman

16 years 2 months ago

Thanks Mona,

that elephant has been hiding in corners for a long time... we all miss it!
W

W.C.Wampler

16 years 2 months ago

crowded rooms poem

Moon, Great poetry as usual. This strikes me as very Bukowski-ish, and even believable as a down moment. wcw
Esker

Esker

16 years 1 month ago

Mastedon's Away

wouldnt that be cool! the glacial views the grasses of their world Awesome poem!!