Nordic cloud

Dec 04, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Life's walk

I walked and walked

and walked

into the snow of Winter's years

my hair,

though slow

turned white,

the way,

the way just like today

was warm,

the way I've trod

since I was born,

but now

see how its contours disappear

its shapes familiar

are not there to see

no more cries

of memories,

joys to see.

I walk,

and walk

as long as I can muster strength

at length

the track is whisked right out

with winds of fortune

Summer's drought

and now

I'm here

where walking shakily

I fear

I am about to disappear,

all clothed in snow's white gown

go on and on

no steps to see

no dark form,

no shape to follow

on into oblivion's white curtained

emptiness

of nothing

no thing

no tangibility

no staff

no tree

no bird

for all is white,

and now

I'm out of sight.

— Nordic cloud, Dec 04, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Oslo and Flatdal, Norway., NOR

Favorite Poets: Too daunting this.

Critiques

Arrow

16 years 6 months ago

My, there are some good poems up this morning

This piece has great rhythm and you've made great use of repetition, esp. in the last stanza. The rhyme is unobtrusive and keeps the piece pushing along nicely. The poem, while heavy in content is light in touch, which seems to be the essence of your delightful style. Your transition from nothing to no thing to listing various things works very, very well as does the whole metaphor. Just a couple of thoughts: *I hear the first few lines a little differently, like: I walked and walked and walked into the snow of Winter’s years To me, this seems to better emphasize the length of the journey. *I find the last line a little deflating. I think this may be a cultural issue. It triggers the catchprase "Outta sight!" in my mind, which detracts from the dignity of the poem. Great!

Nordic cloud

16 years 6 months ago

Beautiful Azalea tree, is it?

Your Arrow struck home i too had wondered just there where you point out the improvement so I follow your advice; but as regards the end, to me it is just disappearing me, how else do you propose I finish it then? I am more than open to any suggestions you might come with, to make it read well entirely. Thank you for your prompt comment and for enjoying it so much, that is always a great pleasure to hear, thank you. Ann of Norway.

Arrow

16 years 6 months ago

If that line didn't bring to my mind caricatured hippies

it would be perfect in its double meaning. You can't been seen by others and you can no longer see. It's a rich, subtly nuanced line and depends on what you want to express. *To keep the same meaning, maybe: "I'm lost from sight." *If you're trying to express a transcendence, maybe: "I've passed through sight." *If you're trying to express just your disappearance, maybe: "I'm gone from sight." Or maybe you should leave it as is. We all have idiosyncratic irritants and this is mine. I'll be interested to see what others think. P.S. It was a burning bush. They are everywhere here during fall.

Nordic cloud

16 years 6 months ago

Wow was Moses there too?

Burning bush, that's the ONLY burning bush I know of when its somehow made into a PROPER name!!! Now you've got me idiowing! Is it the leaves then? Wonderful waterfall of colour it reminds me of Azaleas in Scotland and England, those to be found in the gardens of country houses allowed to become waterfalls too. Here you can almost hear the sound of the colour, Scriabin style maybe, as I see you like him? My father was at a concert of his music, maybe it was even the master himself(!) Am I way out here in time! Anyway it was the piece, (bringing this to the poetry a little as regards endings), where the pianist plays very very quietly at the beginning, Bolero -style and works the whole thing up to a most fantastic climax,my fathers description OF it remains the most moving performance I have heard!!!! Daddy Roland (1898-1970) You are indeed a thorough comment maker here and I thank you, as you say shall we see if we cause a stir? Maybe only a whimper? We shall see what we shall see!!! Yours with a great accord, Ann of Norway P.S. I was thinking of "out of sight out of mind" when I wrote the last line, no other came into my head to disturb my thought. John Heywood's Woorkes. A dialogue conteynyng prouerbes and epigrammes, 1562, as reprinted by the Spenser Society, 1867: "Out of sight out of minde."

Seren

16 years 6 months ago

Dearest Ann,I have to say I

Dearest Ann, I have to say I felt despair at the end of the write ... but I wouldnt change a thing its a powerful piece thats got substance as it sits ... bravo my northern sister ... love and hugs Jayne x x

Nordic cloud

16 years 6 months ago

You are there, you wizard of time and space.

Dearest Jayne, We wonder how you are, we two, and wish you always well. Thank you my southern magic kangeroo, you jump so high into the sky we almost get a glimpse of you, I'd love to too! Okay! Ann + with much love and a good long hug.

Kailashana

16 years 6 months ago

Perhaps a translation from

Perhaps a translation from "gate gate parasamgate". and now I'm gone, gone gone beyond Love. ~Anna p.s. I love Arrow's suggestion for the first few lines.. "...when it agrees with reason and it will benefit one and all, then accept it and live by it." ~ Buddha

bjp

16 years 6 months ago

Dear Margaret Ann,

Pretty damn good! Here you are in the poet voice of your letters. Congradulations!! Brian

Worldwide Freeride

16 years 6 months ago

Hi Ann!

You seem on a long trek of life here with fading time ... yet you include the cycle and changing of seasons... under that white membrane the world maybe but are you looking through a frost glazed window too? One that mirrors your being and reflects the wonton white in full glory? Looks like you wiped your glasses and can see again now though! A great write and I love the way you have formatted the text as it adds to the feel of time passing by and the way you survey your surroundings in this is top notch. Dale :)

Nordic cloud

16 years 6 months ago

Dear Dale of GB

I come partly from the Derbyshire dales where the snow is equally blank on those wonderful stone wall decorated undulating hills, the woods tucked in the little deep valleys between; from such places my childhood eyes watched nature, and as I see you too love nature, a vague word for all that is outside and free, it is my inspirator and friend. I think your comment to be a good one, flattering to myself, ha! But you have worded it so well that i feel I must have woken a thread of recognition and perhaps inspired you to make more poetry on this theme? You are right , this is no self portrait as I am far from wandering into oblivion as yet, at least one always hopes that is the case?? Its just the mood one finds oneself in sometimes, when the snow comes and quietens all, Oslo is like a village in the wilds of the Jotunheim mountains (Dwelling of the Giants), when all sounds are muffled and the whiteness hides all wrongs and darker sides of life, the calm that ensues gives life a gliding effect gliding on and on and on like a river to the end, what end, where, we know not. That theme fascinates us all. You have inspired ME to look at your poetry, I have taken into my computer a whole mass of poems to comment on, whew where is the time to address all of them? All in good time I hope. Thank you again and love to you in good old England, from Ann in Norway.

paparazii

16 years 5 months ago

Vonderful

Nice and lovely flowing, like a river undisturbed, i loved your repetition of words which gives the piece a rhythm that's to its own reflection a mirror displaying a vision and by words everyone is enraptured through the ride. Best regards Ann Ephraim

Nordic cloud

16 years 5 months ago

So glad to dance with your thoughts into the snow,

So glad to dance with your thoughts into the snow, I am not very old, well not in spirit anyway!! So it was not a self portrait, but this was exactly the feeling it gave me walking into the white that danced all around me slowly obliterating everything in sight, and I thought of continuing the walk to the end of life and disappearing likewise. Its a magic quiet too, that descends on all with the coming of snow, very particular and full of fascination for me. Happy that you were caught into the feeling of it too Ephy, love from Ann

lyz

16 years 5 months ago

All I can say is

Bloody beautiful and indepth. Love it and you. Lyz. XX

magics02

16 years 5 months ago

Wonderment

Good Morning Ann This is such a lovely wonderful piece of write and I hope you have a wonderful day today. As I read the poem I felt it and it flowed oh so sweet. Blessings love magics02 xoxoxox

Nordic cloud

16 years 5 months ago

You made my day Magic

It is your comment that has given this day its glitter as the snowflakes fall in -7%C here, that wistful atmosphere of quiet sinks down on all and the birds flutter about, hundreds of feildfares among the trees eating the last berries on the row of hornbeams just below the flat, and they perch high, like pot statues of birds their puffed out feathers making them almost round, in the resident birch tree making such a beautiful decorative Christmas tree for me, and then your nice comment set them off into the air again to do their acrobatics on the wing before the blue sets in and tints the twilight, and we dream ourselves into the blue, that wondrous blue of Yuletide full of carols and beautiful music, heavenly peace be your shadow, and all the poets here I wish it so. Ann in Norway, with love. As many kisses as there are birds to you all.( more than hundreds!!!)

magics02

16 years 5 months ago

Wonderful of birds in flight.....

Here I sit again to read your write back and I can see those birds around you and you know it is a beautiful picture I have in my head. Your words have very beautiful imagery to me and oh how I can relate to the birds as I see them gracefully flying besides me atop me and around me. The bird so sweet, innocent and tender, For the eagle shall soon come and render... Anna the all the beautiful cardinals encircle my home and I just look at the amazing beauty and wonder of a bird... so gracefully flying to a safe place.... how I love to see the birds of the seasons, the baby birds with momma with her nest chirping all night near my bedroom...do not disturb the babies..be so ever tender towards them as momma bird is protecting their loved chirps with all her power she can muster. Dont shake the nest for the momma will fly away...and baby birds shall chirp all day... My dear Anna friend my neighborhood and my home is listed under "Ravenswood"...humm...maybe I need to write something on that. I suppose my friend from Norway the birds are little messages circling and flying around us as they carry their special message to us....that is just me how I feel and think on birds....and butterflies and a whole lot of other beautiful natural things..... Sun, moon and those bright shiny stars, Oh, why do they seem so very afar? Sense their light, their beauty within Feel their warmth..let it shine in. Sun, moon and stars of light. They shine on you and for all this night. Blessings Anna friend Magics02

Nordic cloud

16 years 5 months ago

"The song of the cardinal"

Do you know that book, a little wishy-washy for some, but you would love it I know, the little brown miss cardinal waiting and hoping for a mate hidden in the bushes,etc... Forgotten the author, the book is in Telemark in the mountains, my house is there too, but am in Oslo in a flat with a view. Birds I love them, they were the charity my mother supported specially, she wrote poems about them, I can look one out and send it, later. Love to you and to your nice comment it makes one feel happy and almost able to fly, when one finds people who give one that feeling sensitivity of thoughts. Much love to you and a very healthy happy Christmas to you dear magic lady. Ann of Norway

magics02

16 years 5 months ago

Cardinals

Yes I do hope you send me some things by your Mother I would love to read it and yes I like that story about the cardinal and next time I do see that beautiful red bird I shall ask where is my mate is he hidden around my house or yard. LOL thank you my love and yes I love the birds as your Mother has also. I can not wait to get that poem from you. Have a great day my lady,,,, and then some more, love Magics02 also known as (Ms Mona)

Nordic cloud

16 years 5 months ago

My mother's bird table poem Magics02

MAISIE: “ BIRDS” July 2nd 1931 written at Purley. Thinking of Downs and Mrs. Morley’s bird bath. I have heard in the early morn The woodlands filled with the blackbird’s song And the skylark up to the blue sky born Praising his maker loud and long. Shadowy wings in the purple even I hope that birds will sing in Heaven. Seagulls float upon the air Before the wind and above the storm Like thistledown now sinking where The rocks make a haven, sheltered and warm. Shadowy wings in the purple even I hope that birds will fly in Heaven. Away in the hills by crystal pool The wagtail and the swallow fly Enjoying the water in the cool Unwrinkled mirror of the sky Shadowy wings of the purple even I hope that birds will drink in Heaven. In mossy woods of sunlit trees The wren and tits and lovely jay And birds unnumbered amongst these Make wondrous homes with moss and hay Shadowy wings of the purple even I hope that birds will build in Heaven. Once in a garden near a path And by a bush of lavender blue Stood undisturbed, a stone bird bath Where happy birds splashed in and flew Shadowy wings of the purple even I hope there are bird baths in Heaven. Long past St. Francis, monk of old Amongst his feathered friends did dwell And of them many legends told That to our children we should tell Shadowy wings of the purple even I hope those tales are told in Heaven. When Jesus Christ was a little boy He made him birdies out of clay He thought they were a precious toy Some thought those birds had worn away. Shadowy wings of the purple even I think those birds have flown to Heaven. There is that one of hers that I meant. Love to you Ms Mona from Ann of Norway.

magics02

16 years 5 months ago

Beauty

I have to tell you this is so wonderful to me. I love it and I seen it as I read it. Thank you so much for sharing this with me, you are a very nice woman. And we love the birds magics02 xoxooxox