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untitled* (adult content)


I beg of you permission... I am helpless
I want you, I want you to take me...
I can no longer stand this.. You being over there..
Not giving my body the attention it needs.....
Do you not understand? I need you!
I need to feel your skin against mine. .....
I want to hear you moaning my name
as I ravish your body like delectable treat,
licking my lips afterwards like a satisfied animal.
I want you to have me!
I am helpless over the locks that hold my chains.
My decency has been devoured

please.....

Do you not understand? i need you...
to have me every way you need...
Can't you feel my body burn for you?
I am in need to be satisfied. Do you understand now?
I am tortured by the sight of your body
I am helpless over the locks that hold my chains
I beg of you permission
... To do everything that you command....

— violet, Dec 03, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

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Critiques

themoonman

themoonman

16 years 6 months ago

Violet...

Welcome to the site... what a wonderful story your pen has instilled in me this morning... moving me into trying to keep from crying... loved your descriptive voice and the closeness as I felt to be witnessing from sitting beside the man. welcome again Richard
Seren

Seren

16 years 6 months ago

Dear Violet

You have the heart of a premier storyteller ... I now look forward to your next ... Welcome to Neopoet ... bravo what a wonderful first post kind regards love Jayne
violet

violet

16 years 6 months ago

wow

thankyou so much to you both for your kind words. This is the first time i have posted any of my work so i was a little nervous.. eeep :) kindest thanks xx
professor

professor

16 years 6 months ago

Dear Violet

you surely have a way with words and this was as the others have said a well crafted story. For me it does not really come across as a poem although there are poetic interludes and rich imagery. So how would you make it more poetic? For me a poem does not spell eveything out in the way prose does and so you create gaps for the reader to fill in and use the structure and cadence of the lines to create rhythm in a way that prose cannot do. Here is a suggestion for you to consider (just the first part), although I must emphasise that as a piece of prose what you have written is beautiful: "His face spoke days of haunted time ghosts.. Kind eyes and silver black hair loose quiff swept back.. brow held in grimace, body aching, pained by years of ageing, stiffened joints. Bench seated by the lake ritual feeding passing swans. An ancient faded by mist-swirled time. muttering with trembled voice.. “you would have liked her” she'd died just weeks before.. ”i'm an old, old man my life spent loving just one woman…” with best wishes Keith
violet

violet

16 years 6 months ago

hey :)

thankyou so much for your words and advice :) i am new here and think i may have put my two pieces the wrong way around hehe.. i meant to put this as a story and the other as a poem! (silly me hehe) i do appreciate very much your advice and i will take a good note of it :) i really love what you have done with it.. it gives it a new perspective, tells it in a different way.. :) thankyou very much x kindest regards xx