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TV
The Voice
Nov 28, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Dark Orb

Dark orb of the universe
your citizens in pain
tarish thick darkness
shroud over all our shame

We're creatures of the night
nocturnal unknown
we breathe but of undead
with no life of our own

Lost children of earth
where will you take step?
with wounds on your souls
what strength hast thou left?

Why cut through your skin?
are you searching for life?
to find that you still live
you find refuge in a knife?

Dark orb of the universe
wilst thou find who you are?
much more than a planet
in truth, you're a star.
— The Voice, Nov 28, 2009

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Country/Region: USA

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Critiques

weirdelf

weirdelf

16 years 5 months ago

You ask a lot of questions

what does the line we breathe but of undead mean? I like the gothic atmosphere you create but it feels a bit contrived. I haven't checked out you other work yet, mostly because I follow comments to find interesting poets and I haven't seen any of your comments. sorry if I sound a bit negative, I like the poem and see a lot of potential. Cheers, Jess, reprehensibly irrepressible
TV

The Voice

16 years 5 months ago

Undead

Not really living, but not really dead. Therefore, "undead". So "we breathe but of undead, with no life of our own" refers to the fact that so many walk through life lifeless, as if breathing no longer brings with it life but is merely a chore we must do. And since we're being brutally honest, yes...you do come across as negative. Perhaps that's your charm, but I advise you to get a new one. Regardless, thank you for reading. The Voice