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Bonitaj
Bonitaj
Nov 26, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

LOVE SHOULD BE TAKEN KNEELING?

I exalted you on high immaculately idealized,my god!you could all but flywhile I - denigratedgrovelledonly inches high,cringing for a morselof  love aborted: a genesis passed by   stilli sought solemnlyto suckle from Time.Your shouldernow hardened,brow high -i  atrophied,a heart shrivelled a love died. 

And yetfears of abandonmenthold me captiveall the while...    BjR  26 November '09
— Bonitaj, Nov 26, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Tip of Southern Africa, ZAF

Favorite Poets: Too many to narrow down, but briefly :, AUDEN, T.S. ELIOT, DICKENSON, RILKE, THOREAU, RUMI ... the list is endless. Am inspired by many, especially those that live lives of "quiet desperation, and go to the grave with a song still in them" (THoreau)

More from this author

Critiques

L

lyz

16 years 6 months ago

Dear Boni

What a wonderful read, and I was curious of the title, lol, good one. Fears of abandonment, sad reality those words. I think this poem is written well and I like how you have set it out. Enjoyed the read, a little sad but enjoyed. Love Lyz. XX
O

Orphani

16 years 6 months ago

Powerful and stark in it’s

Powerful and stark in it's emotional realism ,as to an understanding of the spiritual question. Two thumbs up.Exellent in it's touching; brash use of metaphor. Barry...........o...
Bonitaj

Bonitaj

16 years 6 months ago

Thanks Barry!

I did find this somewhat emotionally excoriating! Cheers Boni
H

hushush8

16 years 6 months ago

re this

is there any particular reason you wrote double spaced then single spaced lines in this poem? just curious is all peter
H

hushush8

16 years 6 months ago

hushush8 mini critque

this is a very passionate write without a doubt but I would have perhaps extended the srongest angst in the poem which is contained within the 2nd stanza to the point of discarding the tone of the poems last lines. they seem to me to be unnecessarily plaid on the acoustical retinal level of / Im sorry but some company arrived & we ended up in lively dead end conversatins before two of them left me alone with angie. Ill have to get back to this at a later date. apologies, peterlord
Bonitaj

Bonitaj

16 years 6 months ago

Thanks Peter

me Lord ;) Nice to make your acquaintance... Couple of things I need to clarify and/or thank you for! - the layout was purely coincidental - a computer quirk. When I looked at it again I began to like it since it suggested the compression/shrinking inferred in the text.. do you see that now? - Thank you too for an overt disapproval of the last few lines. also had concerns about those - so time to take 'em out! ;0 We certainly seemed to have been on the same page! Thanks again! Bonita j
ID

Ink Dragon

16 years 6 months ago

Boni,

another awesome poem - I can find almost nothing to "construct" ;) But I have a question: Is the layout (double spacing in stanza 1, then abandoned in stanza 2) intentional? Yours, ~Nina
Bonitaj

Bonitaj

16 years 6 months ago

Thanks Nina!

Delighted to see you again! No intentionality in the second stanza spacing. Worm in the machine! ;( Take care Boni
ID

Ink Dragon

16 years 6 months ago

Did you change something in stanza 2?

In my experience, double spacing occurs when copying from word, while editing and typing in the "body" field results in "normal" spacing. If you would like to change it, Boni, you can try deleting all the text, then either copying a version from word (which will result in double spacing) or type the whole poem into the "body" field again. Yours, ~Nina
Seren

Seren

16 years 6 months ago

Dear Boni

Another wonderful write from your pen I cannot see anything to fault ... sorry I missed it till now love Jayne x x
B

bjp

16 years 6 months ago

Dear Bonita,

Superb topic. The poem slip streams down the topic. Some of the words are a bit heavily dramatic for a topic that is inherently dramatic (such as denigrated, atrophied). With such a strong topic, to show the emotion best you may find a more astere vocabulary serves you better. There is a bit of conflict between the death of love and still "held captive". It is the love/hate of a kidnapped person: the Stockholm syndrome. Brian
Bonitaj

Bonitaj

16 years 6 months ago

Thanks Brian!

Hadn't thought of the STOCKHOLM SYNDROME in this context - but it makes sense now.... ;) Disagree about the over dramatization with certain words. THey are just so apt for the description needed.... can't even come close to suitable substitutes! Thanks for the critique! Always a pleasure to have you stop by! CHeers Boni
ID

Ink Dragon

16 years 6 months ago

Ah, Boni,

I see you got rid of the double spacing. The poem is easier on the eyes now. Glad you decided to edit. Yours, ~Nina
Bonitaj

Bonitaj

16 years 6 months ago

No!

It's all THANKS TO YOU NINA! Especially the comment about the spacing which I would've let pass! Danke Boni
Michael Anthony

Michael Anthony

16 years 6 months ago

Hi Boni!

Really liked this one. The fear of change, or loss, in a relationship has held me captive beyond my better judgment on more than one occasion. Good write! Best Mike
Bonitaj

Bonitaj

16 years 6 months ago

MICHAEL ANTHONY!

How nice to have you stop by! Perhaps you'll revisit to award me my stars please ;) Appreciate your critique as always! Boni