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Lady Assassin (Searsha)- Revised Version

Wrapped in the curtains of night
On swift, quiet feet
She reaches her destination

A cat like creature
Scaling building walls
Black spandex suit
With nine inch heels
Breaks through window's seal

Fire-haired goddess by day
Grim's messenger at night
Flashbacks fill her mind
Memories that made her this kind

Mother's disappointment
Daddy's little girl
Gone astray
How she has lived for this day

Pulling the mask
Over her angel face
Silencer in place
Bitterly, she reaches for her piece

She has one chance
One shot
This has to count
As a silver bullet
Enters his brain

Man hater by circumstance
Unremorseful bitch by choice
He thought he had the final word
But she had the final say

After watching him fall
Pieces of his skull
Fresh on the wall
She slips back down the hall
Never a footprint
Nor trace
Could be found in her place
As the sirens start to blare


— hardcorechick28, Nov 25, 2009

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Geezer

Geezer

16 years 6 months ago

Lady Assassin...

On swift, stellant? feet. I like the theme but, it could use a few tweaks. She is going to shoot someone, so I don't think she reaches for her piece softly. Maybe calmly, or "with hardened heart" Use [And] instead of [as] for the line: And a silver bullet pierces what's left of his brain. Now you can use [As] in the line: As her victim falls. I like the way you are branching out and trying new things. Nice work! ~ Gee
Geezer

Geezer

16 years 6 months ago

Lady Assassin...

Your rewrite certainly made this better. I don't know if [bitterly] is the right word either. but it is better than softly. Nice job on the tweaks, I like it lots! I think she could certainly leave her mark! ~ Gee
H

hardcorechick28

16 years 6 months ago

i was

happy with the revisions as well....first one was rough, done without a rough draft on paper and i was sleepy. I think this one could still use a few tweaks but we will see...i definitely like her character....the side of me that wishes for revenge. poetry is so much fun the respect that we can let out the different sides of our true selves in different characters. glad you liked her.
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

16 years 6 months ago

hello Carrie

Lady assassin? I LOVE IT! Very well written. This poem took me on a breathless ride all the way to the end. Great fantasy, one that I am guilty of indulging in myself! Always, Cat
H

hardcorechick28

16 years 6 months ago

she is

the side of me that is seeking revenge...i am guilty of being a man hater from time to time based on past experiences and have not forgotten those who have done me wrong. Writing is my greatest form of release....glad you enjoyed.