Race_9togo

Nov 24, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Beatnik Moments Of Clarity In Night City

walking on Rush
back in Night City after midnight
bars muffled by cold and traffic
hunched clots of shoulders bowing in the wind
freezing off the lake
I slid by a canyon alley narrow between scrapers
and glimsped

dark beauty, round curves tight
swelling breasts and full lips
wide hips
oval face lit by orange
sodium light
in pit of night
flushed hard with business
and boredom
gaze turned away from grunting john
to me

her bangles beating time to thrust
clicking time in darkness
ticking time for
someone else's lust

Our eyes connected for
a briefest moment
we came together
at the center
of the instance and
I knew

fragility masked by hardened need
loneliness shrouded by fake desire
desperation fed by endless want
and hatred for a stranger's paying touch

before the mask slipped back
and I was looking at
just another grasping whore
face sunk with too much anonymity
mouth hard
eyes and eyebrows
asking if I wanted to be next

and she was gone
my footsteps ringing
taking me back into the welcome
dark again

— Race_9togo, Nov 24, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Earth Vicinity (within a five light-year radius), ZZC

Favorite Poets: John Donne, T.S. Eliot, Serendipity, Emily Dickenson, Kailashana, Charles Bukowski, Kabir, Rett, Dalton, W. B. Yeats, William Blake, Rainer Maria Rilke, and many other Neopoet poets; Neopoet has heavily influenced my poetry and my ability to write it well.

Critiques

themoonman

16 years 6 months ago

Jim...

this is real poetry, touching the real world... I loved it! the only part that slowed me down on the read is the first sentence... walking on Rush... is rush capped because it is a street name, if not, that is how I read it, but at first I was trying to change it in my slow mind to "walking in a rush" until deciding you knew what you were doing and it must be a street... anyway, I loved the look between you two, I've felt it many times, not in the same situation but the same sort of connection and ability to see... the clarity sometimes will break me in half for a time and I wonder if everyone suffers from its affliction. Richard

Race_9togo

16 years 6 months ago

Richard

Rush Street is famous in Chicago for its bars and nightclubs and nightlife. And it used to be famous for its hookers too, although I don't know if it still is. Glad you enjoyed this one. Suffering from the "affliction" of clarity is a nice poetic idea! lol But I'm not sure clarity IS an affliction, for painful clarity almost always teaches...unless the rest of the rats persecute you for it like the one-eyed man in the country of the blind! Heehee. Glad you enjoyed my effort, Richard. Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

Poetree

16 years 6 months ago

Brilliant!!!

I love this poem, well done, I found it absolutely brilliant, with a great flow!! I totally agree with Richard - This is real poetry capturing real life!! I especially love the way you described the connection between you and her "Our eyes connected and for a briefest point of time our souls met at the center" Well done and thank you for providing me with such a great read for the start of my day!!! Joel

Race_9togo

16 years 6 months ago

You're welcome.

Good to know I have that effect with my poetry. Thanks. Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

Seren

16 years 6 months ago

Dearest Jim

Another great poem ... and btw RUSH is a drug here in aussie its called amile nitrate and they sniff it they give it to people with angina my mother was a nurse thats how I know lol ... so capping it could work either way ... but I loved this dark moody walk ... and this is real life poetry with a face of the streets ... love and hugs Jayne x x

Race_9togo

16 years 6 months ago

Hi Jayne

Yeah I know AM from times past (heehee) but Rush is a street in Chicago, lol. This was in fact a real instant of time, and I still sometimes see her in other faces on dark streets. Glad you enjoyed it. Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

Lunegirl

16 years 6 months ago

This is a wicked read, i

This is a wicked read, i liked the constant flow like story way you told it, keeping pace from start to end with the language a constant hook for continued interest. a little brief delve into the dark wildside vix

Race_9togo

16 years 6 months ago

Thanks vix

Yeah, I like stories. If you read my other stuff you'll see that stories seem to be my bent when it comes to poetry. As for whatever skill with words that I might possess, I attribute almost all of it to Neopoet, and those who took the time and effort (you know who you are, and how much I love you!) to make my doggerel better! LOL Glad that you enjoyed this. Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

Race_9togo

16 years 6 months ago

Thanks Kalig

Yes yes and yes... NOW I know I was successful in my effort; being fraught with compassion and humanity is exactly what I was trying to convey. Too many times we see not what is, but what we THINK is, and we turn away from what can be a depth of truth. Although I never saw her again, this moment that we shared changed the way I see "ladies of the street" completely and forever. They became human, to me. Thanks for reading and understanding. And I will watch for the story. Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

bjp

16 years 6 months ago

Dear Jim,

There are lots of wonderful contusions of words in your poem. My favourite is, "hunched clots of shoulders bowing in the wind". Then there is: her bangles beating time to thrust clicking time in darkness ticking time for someone else’s lust And, "stranger’s paying touch". You are growing and growing. Five stars for that growth. Brian

Race_9togo

16 years 6 months ago

Brian

Thank you, once again, for your criticism. It is greatly appreciated. Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

Benjamin1987

16 years 6 months ago

This is one of the best

This is one of the best poems I have ever read. I love how it flows and how in my head I can just see what is going on. The use of language is very good. This is a great theme. I love the fact that you used something from your life. I like how the beginning and the end just go together and how they tell the story. The internal logic is consistent. I especially like the nature comparisons to things that are a round you at the time, such as "hunched clots of shoulders bowing in the wind freezing off the lake I slid by a canyon alley narrow between scrapers and glimpsed". I also like how you describe her and the moment. Benjamin

Race_9togo

16 years 6 months ago

Thank you Ben

I write this after saying simple thanks, having found some time to think in this insane month! I was touched by your kind words. It doesn't happen very often that someone says "this is one of the best I've read". When it does, it means a great deal, justified or not. This is in my opinion one of the great aspects of Neopoet: direct feedback from one's audience, both good AND bad, lol. The level of my supposed expertise is due entirely to this site. Neopoet is simply amazing, for those who truly desire to become better poets. I urge you to check out some of the more prolific writers here, because all of them are wonderful and unique. And many of the newer ones have great potential, and its real fun to watch them grow. Thanks again for reading and enjoying so much Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

Cloudthings

16 years 6 months ago

you have dissected the tragic condition with detached compassion

Hi Jim, another impressive set of images from the hard hitting realist. I wonder how many seconds you have frozen so cleverly into a slow motion exploration into the degradation of another persons life, those poignant few moments of connection. There were some moments here that I was compelled to read again imediately in admiration. fragility masked by hardened need face sunk with too much anonymity mouth hard eyes and eyebrows asking if I wanted to be next We are so often unwitting voyeurs, here you have dissected the tragic condition with detached compassion ... great writing. & nice to see you here again. Cheers Anni~ "When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace". H.H. the Dalai Lama

Race_9togo

16 years 6 months ago

Anni!

Its been awhile, hasn't it? I'm around, I just don't do too much this time of year cuz things're so busy. I've had to make an exception with this poem, though, as everyone seems to like it a lot, and my ego just refuses to keep silent! lol Thank you for reading and enjoying. This one I got some help with, and it shows, doesn't it? Those lines you mention, lol I like those as well. I'm always surprised when I come up with some lines, write them down, read them, and then say "wow, I wrote this?" But I suppose I shouldn't be, given all the help and encouragement everyone's given me. Its good to hear from you again, Oz Woman Of The Clouds! Don't be a stranger, OK? Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

lyz

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Jim

All has been said with the above comments, so all I can add is that I enjoy your poetry and this is as high caliber as the rest. You have flair and can get the point across and what a talent you are. All the best for 2010. Lyz. Xx

Race_9togo

16 years 5 months ago

Thanks Lyz,

Sounds like I got another fan. Heehee. You caught NOW ;) May your New Year be glorious with joy. Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

Esker

16 years 1 month ago

to lovelies

nothing like interest sparked then the glamour glint of eye or love Or hello that attention from souls deep and interesting or bursting with the fire of life great poem Race.. Esker~

Race_9togo

16 years 1 month ago

Hey Org

Thanks man, its good to hear from you, glad you enjoyed this. Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race