Craig Norris

Nov 20, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

drowning

I have slept dreamt and woken
found myself alone,
washed in memories receding
faded echoes from the phone.

Lost in longing for the feeling
on this day to have your skin,
hands seeking for the memory
lips trusting to begin.

To kiss in all those places
that the sun has seldom seen,
where winds would wish to wander
boldly brazen as a breeze.

Fingers longing for to linger
down your alabaster glide,
as my senses drown in screaming
at you lying by my side.

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: AUS

Comments

Baz

16 years 5 months ago

Hi Craig

A very beautiful poem which conveys your message well. One small point: Your second and last lines rhyme except in verse 3. May I make a suggestion? You could use the word CAREEN, which is to meander; to lurch; to crisscross. You could say something like, " To boldly meander and careen". Best Baz

Craig Norris

16 years 5 months ago

thanks Baz

for your comments, for me I am not too precious in this poem about the rhyming, but what I was kinda focusing on was the rhythm and syllable count. As to the use of the words bold and brazen like a breeze and the line before, where the winds would wish to wander, I was really enjoying the alliteration there, as well as the personal affection I seem to have with the word brazen, so I would hate to loose it. But thanks very much I like your suggestion. cheers Craig

lyz

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Craig

A masterful write indeed. I found no probs with the rhyming. I like difference. Flowed well when read. Love Lyz. XX

Craig Norris

16 years 5 months ago

Hi Lyz

glad you enjoyed this, I could have and perhaps should have made a little more effort in regards to punctuation etc, so am happy you found it flowed. cheers Craig

Kailashana

16 years 5 months ago

Don’t know if Aussie is a

Don't know if Aussie is a bit different. But the first line for me would be: I sleep. I dream. I awaken I find myself alone washed in memories receding fading echoes of the phone. ~A Do love your erotic poetry. "...when it agrees with reason and it will benefit one and all, then accept it and live by it." ~ Buddha

Craig Norris

16 years 5 months ago

my apologies

for being so tardy with my responses, thanks Anna for your comments, and you can rest assured that yes, Aussie is a bit different in more ways than one. I like the opening line because it runs straight into the theme, as if there is no time to be wasting on anything other than being together. Your suggestion I like, but it separates the three, the sleeping and dreaming and waking, whereas I was trying to convey the sense that the three are the same, just a distraction. Thanks and cheers, Craig

Bonitaj

16 years 5 months ago

boy Craig!

You Aussie blokes have a way with women - oops! I meant words... he, he! Nice little seductive write! Bonita j

Craig Norris

16 years 5 months ago

Bonita

glad you enjoyed this, thank you for the comment, sorry it took so long getting back. Craig

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Craig

its all been said before me Craig ... brilliantly sensual ... one of my new favourites of yours love and hugs Jayne x x

Craig Norris

16 years 5 months ago

Jayne

love and hugs back, thanks for your appreciation, apologies as well. Craig

odd molly

16 years 5 months ago

Dearest Craig,You write

Dearest Craig, You write incredibly beautiful and sensual. She must be the most happy and fortunate woman to have you. May the angels send you days and nights of a never ending love . yes and yes.. it sings beautifully.. will come back to read again and again. love. O molly

Craig Norris

16 years 5 months ago

sweet Molly

I have not been here for quite some time, love your new pic, so happy you like this one, I couldn't resist tweaking it a little today, it's been weeks since I read it and a couple of things called out to me, a bit of punctuation being one of them. I'm so conventional sometimes. pussar Craig