Cloudthings

Nov 16, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

A soft repair

An empty room in black and white
Where shadows will defy the light
They sinuously slip their base
and loom and menace every face
that dares to enter and to pause
to wonder at the shaded cause

I wept for shadows such as yours
that stick and stay or cling with claws
that carry gloom within their shade
and seem to make the soul just fade
that suck the brilliance from a space
and slow escape to treacle pace

The only answer, love, compassion?
Adopting thus a greater passion
And focus on a lucid plan
More practical, with open hand
A heart that sings with sunny skies
White fluffy clouds and butterflies

Still, empty rooms can offer peace
I sometimes need such calm release
Such ever outward pouring forth
I’m driven to, to feel my worth
An early wake, some downtime here
I need the choice to disappear

In gentle pockets of repose
When hearts still willing to expose
Can don the courage to be known
In light of truth and good deeds sewn
I’ll meet you there in warm embrace
The genuine and single face

— Cloudthings, Nov 16, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Australia, regional Victoria, AUS

Favorite Poets: So many... Rumi, Spike Milligan, Keats. Many of the Neopoet clan, past & present. A myriad of song writers, Dylan, Jackson Browne, Lior, & I must add the poetic influence of painters, sculptors & creators across the world... Life really, especially the sky.

Critiques

Cloudthings

16 years 6 months ago

I love your response, it made me giggle... yes, peas... escapeas

Dear Kal (better than Theo?) I love your response, it made me giggle... yes, peas.... escapeas I hope, I am one I think as well! I am so impatient with time, I have lived life so fast & full (no wonder I have hit a sudden stop... my lord how I'd love to talk health food with you my lad!!!), I knew too much loss at too young an age, so I find waiting for healing excruciating... I want it to be right now!!!! I want peace & peas under knees puddling if it please... or crossing rough of seas... yes but action I need, waiting is a hard lesson though I know critical. I lost my love in a plane crash, there were too many things I had not said/done/apologised for encouraged... I do it everywhere now, every day... & am as instant (with all of those things) as I can be... & must turn away if it doesn't work it hurts too. Yes, I know, I divulge too much, but if it makes just one person think deeper with more compassion or any good thing, then why not, I have lost nothing worth keeping. Cheers Anni~ "When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace". H.H. the Dalai Lama

SLS

16 years 6 months ago

I like the narrative, but am

I like the narrative, but am somewhat dumbstruck by the relentless rhythm of the rhyme. rhyme is good, and the soul of music, but it has to breathe.

Cloudthings

16 years 6 months ago

I thought it was time to do a tighter rhyming scheme... I will c

This is a fair comment & I'm sure you have a point... If you read any other of my work you will find that usually I do break up the rhythm (sometime I wonder if that is best, but I am in the habit because my writing began predominantly as songs... so included chorus or bridges & I often think in tangents), or no rhyme at all... in this case, I thought it was time to do a tighter rhyming scheme... I will come back to it after a breather & look with your comment in mind. Cheers Anni~ "When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace". H.H. the Dalai Lama

Kailashana

16 years 6 months ago

Peas pass the mirror.Lovely

Peas pass the mirror. Lovely girl. She's a singer, SLS, she can't help but carry the melody. ~A "...when it agrees with reason and it will benefit one and all, then accept it and live by it." ~ Buddha

SLS

16 years 6 months ago

les petit pois passent le miroir?

when young I thought rhyme passé, obsolete. I now seek it back as part of the music of poetry. perhaps song would open a soft repair. perhaps I did not recognize the melody.

Cloudthings

16 years 6 months ago

your opinion is as valid as any... & appreciated

Hello again SLS, perhaps you might go look at one or 2 of my other works (didn't think of it until someone asked below), it might give you more perspective on why I sat with close rhyme here... Not that it matters, your opinion is as valid as any... & appreciated, as I have said, that's why we put this stuff here, we WANT to know how others feel about it... Perhap I should sing this for you one day... I would have to find the melody as I go I think... You still may not recognize it though, hope you are smiling. Oh, & could you say that in Spanish I'd be more able to catch the subtleties!... Enjoy Cheers Anni~ "When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace". H.H. the Dalai Lama

Cloudthings

16 years 6 months ago

& the mirror, knowing you, would certainly be A-peas-ed

& the mirror, knowing you, would certainly be A-peas-ed (oh dear, punning is a curse sometimes). Finding you reflected anywhere is a pleasure & an honour dear Anna... that goes well, doesn't it - honour & Anna, a nice match, a sweet mirror.. I do love the fun we can have here in wordy interplay. I am not perturbed at SLS comment, though it is a valid expression & after all, what are we hare for except to see how our scribbles fall on ears/eyes other than our own, these are good things to know, keeping in mind we all have such differing taste & influence... I felt it was ages since I did a tight rhyme & here it is... just because it fell out that way really... it could do with a fiddling though I know on many levels. Anyway, thank you for your sweetness dear Anna.. Please be my mirror any time, I see you as graceful, beautiful & ever so talented, if I may have even a shadow of it I would be glowing with joy. Cheers & love Anni~ "When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace". H.H. the Dalai Lama

seabhac

16 years 6 months ago

Within the shadow of a

Within the shadow of a darker place the light of life shines and the shadow shortens and becomes a regconisable shape..nothing to fear in the light of love. I liked the change of rhythm. Seabhac

Cloudthings

16 years 6 months ago

pleasure to have you here on my page & ta for the stars.

Dear Seabhac, I have not been around for a while during the time of your settling in here, but all I've read of you & your comments are so honourable & shows you to have a wonderful mind & good heart... this comment is in keeping with that & I think you, it's a pleasure to have you here on my page & ta for the stars. I completely agree with what you say here, most wise... I think it was about 20 years ago I read a line from Shakti Gowane, about the light of love shining the shadows away... she put it more deftly but that concept has always stayed with me & mirrors (there's that connection again) your comment in such sweet harmony. Ta for your visit & wise words Cheers Anni~ "When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace". H.H. the Dalai Lama

aeron

16 years 6 months ago

beautifully written, cloudthings

you are a worcrafter. But, this is my own sad, cynical opinion, I found it a bit cloying. Can you recommend me to some of your work with more substance? always, Aeron

Cloudthings

16 years 6 months ago

I can really understand why you would make that comment

Hi Aeron, I can really understand why you would make that comment, after posting that poem I considered adding a comment about how I seem to have inherrited a streak of my mothers awful martyrdom (I have worked to rid myself of it believe me!), it seemed to me after posting that, I was giving myself a dose of that sometimes destructive, victim causing "turn the other cheek" that Christianity has occasionally suggested (to the detriment to many a human being)... I can see it's worth in certain circumstances, but I think often we struggle to feel we are worthy of giving ourselves the kind of care we really aught & that "God" will reward us if we deny ourselves & give it all to others... I spent most of my life in that state & am grateful that I am working further & further away from it. I have waffled... but yes, I don't always write with such belly up sentiment & let me think, if you are serious about your request, I would suggest maybe "My saddest shard, my feather, my shell" or "Your bijou jewelled paragraphs" an ode to bjp, it's hard to suggest, I think these are not my best, but they give an idea of how my writing varies. I like "My lover's hands" if I were to choose, if you like love poems. If you want depth & passion "Rivermouth, ocean stolen", it's a lot darker. Anyway, ta for your compliment - well I HOPE you meant "wordcraft" not "warcraft", chuckle that would be awful... I must make time to visit your writing, I am wondering now with your discerning eye how I will be met... Cheers & thanks again, hope to read from you soon. Cheers Anni~ "When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace". H.H. the Dalai Lama

aeron

16 years 6 months ago

Wow! I did not expect such an intelligent, well thought respons.

I was mostly afraid to cause offense, but my integrity kicks shit out of my wisdom every time. I will definitely read your other work and would value your opinion of mine. Are you also an Aussie? Seren is my guide, how many other antipodeans are here? always, Aeron

Cloudthings

16 years 6 months ago

I'll be back when I can, but You are first on my list to read

I'm being naughty returning this late on the same day... I look forward to reading your work, though am ready to sleep now, my curfew is well up.... Wow, Seren has roped in lots more Ausies, good on her, she is a generous supporter.. I am not sure but there are probably about a dozen of us here now... I think I am the only one from the South East (rural Victoria) little tourist town, I love it of course, be awful to live somewhere you didn't love, I don't take it for granted. I'll be back when I can, but You are first on my list to read. Cheers Anni~ "When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace". H.H. the Dalai Lama

Seren

16 years 6 months ago

Dearest Anni

I understand the rhyme and have writen one similiar rhythm ... but I have one suggestion Still empty rooms can offer peace I sometimes need such calm release The ever outward pouring forth I’m driven to to feel my worth --- I'm driven to find my (full) worth At times I steal some downtime here And must choose the times I disappear Other than that ... I know this relentless rhyme I have been this, and sometimes the music doesnt breath either eh lovie ? lol ;) love and hugs Jayne x

Cloudthings

16 years 6 months ago

yes, it's the rhyming stuff we both probably cut our teeth on

Hi Jayne, it's very sweet of you to visit, yes, it's the rhyming stuff we both probably cut our teeth on, nice to revisit sometimes though, it rolls out of you doesn't it. I try to avoid doing it all the time, I know people get sick of it, I do myself if I do too much... As I said above, it is the idea of being here though, to see how other's respond to it, so it's all good. I can really get your point & thank you for the suggestion... as is my want I will have to sit with it, because it is more complex than it seems at first glimpse... if you can bare with me... you see it has to do with reality versus our sense of how things are... & I am fully aware that I am driven to outpour because I felt I had no purpose in life except to do that, I am also aware that the actual truth is - I have worth regardless of how much I put out, so to change to your phrasing would buy into that (I know it sounds pedantic, but at the moment I am becoming ever more aware that what we say, we become, words have such a powerful effect on our psyche) so to say "I am driven to do something in order to feel I am worthy" (I’m driven to to feel my worth) is acknowledging a tendency & not a truth, whereas your (admittedly far more pleasing) phrasing actually says a different thing, "I’m driven to find my (full) worth", I like it, but it speaks of a separate desire (which is also a truth for me), but it leaves the point I was making unfinished, the expression that I need the space of emptiness/solitude because I am often so driven to output around others... I chuckle to myself at this point since I suspect you are probably worse than me in that regard (I mean that in the nicest way, you are immensely generous with your time & energy), so I'm sure you might understand... Anyway, I like your line, I just need to think about how to work with it & come out with the concept I was trying to express, though I know the double "to" is a clumsy look. Ta... Sorry for long response... Take good care Oh & yes... heh heh, the song... & life itself, often does rollick along without a rest, we both know the way of it. PS I have been away so much, but I caught snippets of your recent work & feel it is extraordinary, you are just powering forth into such beautiful places, as soon as I can I hope to come visit & read them as they should be read, with care & focus. I have been ordered to limit computer time though, so I hope you can forgive me if it is a week or so between visits, it is always hard to keep up here. Cheers Anni~ "When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace". H.H. the Dalai Lama