Possession no.2

Oh, my God, Barry... your poem shall ever possess me. How do you do that? ~A

Beautifully done ... what can I say ... possess us all you like ... its something rare and precious you have love and hugs Jayne x x

and rather wish I'd written it. Some thoughts: ---------------------------------- Some hold up a bottle And say *I have the sky (I'd be inclined to use a more possessive word here, maybe "own") Some touch your hand meeting your eyes And say…….. I love you I love you *I think these last two stanzas would work better with the same structure as the previous ones, helping to highlight the (sometimes, oftentimes, possessive nature of perceived love). Maybe: Some hold your hand/grasp your hand/hold your gaze And say I love you

I like the theme, and most of the structure. I don't think repeating "I Love You" is necessary.It is a beautiful, gentle poem, and I'm glad I was fortunate enough to read it. Always, Cat

This is just what children say and looking so innocently at one one feels they mean it and it is a kind of ' I love you' too. But this used in such an innocent manner in a poem of love is quiet beautiful, bringing the poignancy and directness of the simple objects in our world and putting them up to see the light through them, feel their weight smell the perfumes of the sea, touch the hand oh how could anyone not help falling in love with this. Oh Barry you magician of words so beautiful. Ann. P.S. Its a bit like when I sent a present to my nephew, I sent him a cushion.-like globe of the world, and i said "I give you the world" He was too little perhaps to have any understanding as to what the world was, but it was a similar sentiment I think? I do however agree with Cat the one I love you is best, enough.

So I put a shorter well done here Ann

You are indeed the man of the moment - and every girl wishes someone would write of her/for her like this! Excellent piece for all the write reasons! lol One I LOVE YOU is more than enough! poor girl! Overwhelm her you will! ;) Cheers Bonita j

To say I love you once. To say I love you twice--whether or not in poem form or real life--could it ever be too often? Just my 2 cents. ~Anna "...when it agrees with reason and it will benefit one and all, then accept it and live by it." ~ Buddha

I found this to be an ironic poem. Clearly, others do not. You have written an inkblot.

You know what Anna's DEAD RIGHT ,!!!! It can't, and I think it should BE THREE TIMES, or more!!!!.- I love you, I love you, I love you. Barry from Ann It also is three, three, three lines and aesthetically symmetries the lines in the poem, no? Oh my aren't we sensitive, all of us, when it comes to THOSE three words, we all sit up and feel something:- Jeg elsker deg, io te amo je t'aime ect.

well, then, I suppose once is enough. however, I would then: If I make a picture of the sun and moon and stars and say this is your face Will you be mine, Possessing your light If I touch your hand and ask Will you be mine Embracing all that we are Three little words: I love you. Don't know if you want to keep the ing's, Barry. Just my 2 cents. p.s. I love you. "...when it agrees with reason and it will benefit one and all, then accept it and live by it." ~ Buddha

"if i fill (a} my hands with sand" hi there i just had to ask is the (a) in tat line i picked out a typo might also need some punctuation and after that i think you have a good write,,,ziggy

This is quite romantic and written as you say, in pleading with the extra I love you. But as is or changed this is still a brilliant poem. I think any woman would love the romance from a gentleman like you. And one day, kaboom, she will be right there. Excellent poem. Love from Lyz. XX

1Aha! A very romantic heart! Beautiful poem, I am sure the intended has been wooed by such beautiful words..

Ooooh... love how you ended the poem Barry. Yes! I offer yet another thought.... The fifth line of every stanza, I would separate from the other 4. It makes for a 2nd poem within the poem. hug, Anna "...when it agrees with reason and it will benefit one and all, then accept it and live by it." ~ Buddha

Skiing hasn't begun, there was snow and that was in 1,1%C but during the nought the temperature swung up to +9%C beat that, our bodies are not accustomed to such sudden changes and we don't like it much, so suddenly HOT!!! But it will come, perhaps after Christmas the most snow falls, the poor skiers in the mountain competition were skiing in the RAIN; poor things. So the climate is different these years. About the poem with the one I love you, we leave the end of the verses just before it and flying through the air the eyes fall on that set of words sometimes so loaded with meaning that they are almost just a whisper, and we read them with our breath held, then the repetition is unnecessary. But if it is said with gusto and fervour, as also happens then there should be more, they each have their value, but its up to the writer to decide the right atmosphere and rhythm of it all in the end. If I Hold up a bottle And say
 I have the sky
 Will you be mine Reaching the birds freedom 
                                                    If I fill my hands with sand and say
 The earth is there
 Will you be mine on the peak of the mountain if I fill a glass and say
 It contains the sea
 Will you be mine Sailing with the wind If I make a picture of the sun and moon and stars and say
 this is your face 
Will you be mine Possessing the light If i touch your hand and say
 Will you be mine
 Embracing your whole ......(all that we are ) And say the little words I 
Love 
you I love you 'mi 'scusi! Love to you from Ann O.

All one should have said to this was "I will be thine." Don't you think so everyone? Such devotion is expressed in this. I blow you a kiss on the wind, a poetic one of friendship here. Ann