Bound and Gagged

I cannot believe how you have evolved. You are truly growing as a poet and to do that you have to grow as a person. the quality of your work is outstanding.But now be prepared for some serious critisism .To prune the bush is to increase the fruit. I am proud of you girl, and will tear it apart later, but with one gentle hand.Yours with deep admiration.And ..........o the orphan boy.

"and everything and the canyon grew to swallow all that was good." Just one of many outstanding lines. You are becoming a formidable force to be reckoned with. Praise. Btw "Rabbit Proof Fence" was a killer. I had no idea of this sort of *segregation*... What an awful race-mind history we humans share. Love, Mom p.s. The revision is outstanding! Hadn't even noticed any need, I was so consumed! "...when it agrees with reason and it will benefit one and all, then accept it and live by it." ~ Buddha

hi there jayne , this looks like a extremly good write on first read good good gotto fly ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,zigs

Your poem made me feel the same way I always feel when I argue with someone I love. These lines are my favorites: once we touched once I was a chalice smelt in the fire of your palms, once I sampled the essence of you, and was thus consumed and addicted to the drug of you, and felt completion, once Love, Cat

once we touched/once I was a chalice/smelt in the fire of your palms, once I sampled the essence of you,and was thus consumed and addicted to the drug of you, and felt completion, once.. JAYNE! There is an expression in German which roughly translated says: "Once only is nothing" to me moderation is a concept I don't fully understand so once is never enough! lol How clearly you made that desire for more spring forth!! ;) Brilliant piece! Boni

The writing in all your work is beautiful, no matter the content. You have written something here that may be a laying to rest but in the way you have written this, there is a calm, no rush or hate, just a matter of fact, it, may be at rest now. I found this poem brilliant, so now I will get on with my reading and speak to you very soon. Love from Nan. XX

You are really beginning to master blank verse although just occasionally you lose the tightness of your chosen form and the poem stutters a little. As usual it is easier for me just to illustrate with a suggested re-write.....only a very little in this case. I also lost the sense in a few places but that might be just me. Love and hugs Keith I am watching you glide into apathy’s arms, and collapse listless and wondering in awe of emptiness. As your hands lay open mine are bound, our words of hate hang from barbed wire, strung out, fluttering, like the miles of fur on a rabbit proof fence, separating us forever. We passed into other lives now as strangers, and when meeting, our smiles freeze, sharing the memory of what our destruction wrought. In this spectrum (sprectra is plural) of now, we share nothing, and everything, but the canyon grows to swallow all that was good. Once we touched, and I was a chalice forged in your flaming palms. Once I sampled the essence of you, consumed by, and addicted to, the drug of you. And....once, I felt completion with you. Look at you now! Remembering, and wishing my hands unbound. I see you sneak glances from the emptiness, always knowing... Pride will win

I have to agree with the professor and not of course for obvious reasons but because he has added a few words that give the essence of this poem its meaning and i think you had left out these words in favor of the poem but in fact the poem needed them and this is such a good poem i have to comment ,take into consideration these suggestions for they are good ones and from a readers standpoint only it does read better, All my love to you darling, Lacy Where power corrupts,poetry cleanses.

this poem contains probably my favourite stanza ever As your hands lay open mine are bound, our words of hate hang from barbed wire, string out, fluttering, like the miles of fur on a rabbit proof fence, separating us forever. best. <3 ♣