Murder In The Night

hey cat you writing songs now lol its a surprise to say the least i was not expecting this at all have you done this before or are you getting the HS bug lol, mmmmmmmmm,,,,,,ziggy i`ll hold back a star till i know what the story is i hate being the first to comment on any piece ,,,,,,,,,,ziggy

Where do I start? Firstly this is a great song, first and foremost it is the subject matter that is the hook. What it has is the ability to be read on different levels...I bet if you asked 100 people what it was about you'll get 100 different answers. Now I like that style, especially as a song because it will grab a lot of people for different reasons and they'll all get something out of it. Structurally it is fine, either 6 verses of four lines or 3 verses of 8 lines and of course the required chorus. Personally I prefer 6 verses of four lines as it will give an opportunity to build in a middle eighth to break up the verse chorus, verse chorus format. I will if I may, take this away and play with it a little. mainly because if you read it to a tempo, no matter how fast or slow, you'll find some lines may need lengthening or shortening, simply to fit better. I feel the chorus might need a tweak, not because the words are wrong or they aren't good enough, but simply because when singing/pacing them they are difficult to keep them in line. When you were writing or afterwards did you read it to a tempo?...I find I often write without a tempo, but when I go back to it with a tempo/beat in mind, I find sometimes, what were perfectly good words, just don't fit anymore. Would you mind if I played with the song a little. I don't want to step above my station, because this is very good indeed and I don't want you thinking otherwise. With Ziggy on guitar, your lyrics and our combined voices, we can be 'The Witch and the Baldy Blokes'! Let me know if you want me to tinker with it. I can't give you anything else than 5 stars, because this is structured, formatted, and a bloody good write with all the right ingredients. Nice work indeed. kindest regards, HS ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth and yet nobody sees me".

Damn woman. Do you rope & brand cattle too? ~A "...when it agrees with reason and it will benefit one and all, then accept it and live by it." ~ Buddha

Cat you asked for suggestions and these are mine ... but I like what HS did with his ...but I was leaving it more in the format you choose I have done just a few small tweaks ... nothing major but my bets been thrown in the pot lol love and biggest hugs of love Jayne x x “Murder in the night” she used to be someone glad to be alive now she is wasted she barely survives you can see her in the shadows in the wee hours of the night running from her demons hiding from the light (chorus:) *She’s a broken-hearted lover crying in the night sad dark-eyed beauty---- lady to beauty losing her will to fight don’t you know there’s murder in the night and little that can save you---- change there to and ? from the darkness of the night* I see traces of her ghost in the fading afternoon like a phantom woman Drifting in the gloom ---- living to drifting she used to be so natural then he came along seducing her in--- luring to seducing pretending to be strong (chorus:) *She’s a broken-hearted lover crying in the night sad dark-eyed beauty losing her will to fight don’t you know there’s murder in the night and little that can save you from the darkness of the night* and she used to be someone who knew wrong from right but now that’s all over she no longer belongs her life is not her own she cannot understand why she’s out of control how things got so out of hand (chorus:) *She’s a broken-hearted lover crying in the night sad dark-eyed beauty losing her will to fight don’t you know there’s murder in the night and little that can save you from the darkness of the night*

An excellent song write. You are a woman of many talents. I will leave the suggestions to the music masters above. Wonderful title and content. Well done. Love Lyz. XX

Stranglers in the night, two lonely stranglers in the night... what were the chances? <<>> ~A "...when it agrees with reason and it will benefit one and all, then accept it and live by it." ~ Buddha

FANTASTIC!!!!!! The girl in the song reminds me much of myself. Great job.....