Dawn

A couple of things. There is some good imagery in this piece but I am struggling not so much with an inconsistent structure but rather an inconsistent presentation. Without changing anything but punctuation and capitalization let me show you what I mean. All I will do is give the reader more clues about pacing and subject. In your mind you know how it flows but as you've included partial punctuation I must struggle through trying to assemble the piece as best as I might and I feel I am spending more time thinking about word order and not enough thinking about the image you are trying to create. So you job would be to review my modifications for accuracy and worth. Take the ones you like, discard those you do not, and modify anything that seems like a good idea but not the fit you want. This is how I approach critique, not an instruction of "do it this way" but a "have you fully considered . . ." Unfortunately some people consider any critique a persona slight and emotional attack and I admit that I do not mix well with those people. ----------------------- Mud gods. We awaken, howling, like creatures of the moon. The Dead sleep between this world and that, harsh, the master. Minarets, swirl into galaxies; lay buried between our teeth. We are blind, touching skin feeling form, the guiding hand; a Holy Braille Lift one another to ecstasy; Dawn. ----------------------------- --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)

The works been done before I got here ... but I have to say .. Minarets, swirl into galaxies; lay buried between our teeth. this verse made me think of the old story about the giant and the universe ... We are blind, touching skin feeling form, the guiding hand; a Holy Braille and this one made me think of day walking into light with a white cane beautifully done .. Brava love and biggest hugs Jayne x x

Are you talking of Pagan Idols in your: "Mud Gods we awaken Howling like creatures of the moon" I too am useless at punctuating my compositions. What I love in your works is you can really feel the earth beneath the fingernails. It leaves a taste in the throat. What more can I say. Love Dalton.

An excellent piece. Visual, and just like the dawn, once again you have rose with a wonderful poem. Hope Dalton likes your version. Great imagery. Love all, Lyz. XX