Barbara Writes

Nov 08, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

She Tap Dance On my Bladder

She Tap Dance On my Bladder

Precious little girl
Tap-danced on my bladder
Made me leak water
Headed for the ladies room

I lay upon my bed
Swollen like a beach ball
She kicked me in my back
Elbowed me in my ribs

Baby girl boogied on my kidneys
Crowned on my pelvis
Put stretch marks on my belly
Impatient to be born

Mama’s little girl
Tired of being pregnant
Dilated two centimeters
Only eight remain

— Barbara Writes, Nov 08, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Billy Collins, Shakespeare, , Emily Dickinson, , , Whitman, Jess Tapper

Critiques

bjp

16 years 7 months ago

Dear Barbara Writes,

I do think you have a very interesting theme and an attractive style. Yet the tapdancing suggests an impatience to be born rather than a "waiting". Is "remainds" the intended last word? I think you are exceedingly close to a wonderful poem. Brian

Barbara Writes

16 years 7 months ago

thanks Brian

Thanks you are right. I changed waited to impatient and remains was misspelled Thanks for commenting. Glad you like it. It was a spur of the moment write. ~~~~~~~~~ Be whoever you are At all times, and Remember that Because of this, people will Always Respect, and Admire you ©2008Leonard Respectfully Yours, Barbara

professor

16 years 7 months ago

I really enjoyed this one Barbara

your excellent use of words and the dancing imagery and tone you have chosen are beautifully complementary. I agree that "impatient" is better than waiting. My only small additional comment is that "remains" implies singular whereas eight implies many and therefore it should perhaps be "remain". my best wishes Keith

Barbara Writes

16 years 7 months ago

Thanks Keith

I agree with your suggestion. I wasn't sure which one was better. Thanks for sharing such eloquent critique. Glad you like it. ~~~~~~~~~ Be whoever you are At all times, and Remember that Because of this, people will Always Respect, and Admire you ©2008Leonard Respectfully Yours, Barbara

Millage

16 years 7 months ago

Barbara

I thought this was great. Really enjoyed the read. I think the title is superb. Much love Millage x P.S Sincere best to your daughter. Hope all goes well. ;-)

Barbara Writes

16 years 7 months ago

Millage

Glad you like it. Thanks for reading and giving your comment. ~~~~~~~~~ Be whoever you are At all times, and Remember that Because of this, people will Always Respect, and Admire you ©2008Leonard Respectfully Yours, Barbara

Seren

16 years 7 months ago

Dear Barbara

I loved this one ... I think its just precious and I am such a softy ... its a really good poem ... and I agree with the above suggestions ... very sound advice ... love and biggest hugs Jayne x x

Barbara Writes

16 years 7 months ago

Jayne

Glad you like it. thanks for sharing and commenting ~~~~~~~~~ Be whoever you are At all times, and Remember that Because of this, people will Always Respect, and Admire you ©2008Leonard Respectfully Yours, Barbara

Kailashana

16 years 7 months ago

Hi about-to-be-grandma. I

Hi about-to-be-grandma. I love poetry that pushes the....er envelope. *she tap dance on my bladder* is extraordinarily so. Love it Barb. All women have thought that bladder thingy, no one but you have written a poem about it. Well-done! ~A

Barbara Writes

16 years 7 months ago

A

Thanks for sharing. I have a 13 month old grandson, two grand girls on the way and a third we don't know the sex yet. ~~~~~~~~~ Be whoever you are At all times, and Remember that Because of this, people will Always Respect, and Admire you ©2008Leonard Respectfully Yours, Barbara

lyz

16 years 6 months ago

First and foremost

Congratulations. How lovely and so is this poem. Oh the joy of labor, lol. Worth it though. Love to you and yours. Love Lyz. XX

Barbara Writes

16 years 6 months ago

Lyz

Yeah thanks. My youngest son have two on the way two girls fighting for his attention. That's a poem waiting to be written one day. ~~~~~~~~~ Be whoever you are At all times, and Remember that Because of this, people will Always Respect, and Admire you ©2008Leonard Respectfully Yours, Barbara

lyz

16 years 6 months ago

Dear Barb

You are a lovely woman and I can hear the joy in your heart with the above comment you wrote. Congratulations and best wishes to all your babes. Love to all, Lyz. XX

ngaioBeck

16 years 6 months ago

She Danced

If I have ever read anything more cleverly descriptive I'm not aware. Amazing!

Barbara Writes

16 years 6 months ago

ngaio c beck

Thanks for commenting. I needed a change from writing negs this was right on time and fun. ~~~~~~~~~ Be whoever you are At all times, and Remember that Because of this, people will Always Respect, and Admire you ©2008Leonard Respectfully Yours, Barbara

whitetea

16 years 3 months ago

this is a beautiful

this is a beautiful connection here, pregnancy is such a strange and interesting occurance and the bond is something that some can't always explain. i love this!

magics02

16 years 3 months ago

Lovely

SHe taps on the bladder oh how I loved this one and I did not know and I am so happy for you. Keep me up to date maybe baby born on my birthday 2-18-10. Take care of the little tapper. LOL Love, Magics02

magics02

16 years 3 months ago

OOps my bad

See now if I only read all the above comments before I commented I would of known it was not your baby tapping. LOL see I do not read other comments until after I have made my observation and feedback of the read. still wonderful by all means!! magics02

Nicole Michaels

16 years 3 months ago

Birth

of a nice honest write. No crits.

Barbara Writes

16 years 3 months ago

Nicole

don't think we meet before now welcome to neopoet. thanks for commenting glad you like ~~~~~~~~~ If you don't like it, can't talk about it, then write about it. Respectfully Yours, Barbara