Barbara Writes

Nov 07, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Why I Feel Bad

Why I Feel Bad

I'm trying to stay focused on reality
Facing feelings of worthlessness
Knocking at my door

The loneliness in my heart
Seeps into my bones as I push away
Disquieting thoughts

The confusion like dark clouds
Lingered in my mind as clarity
Gets thrust aside

It’s not world war one or two
Nevertheless, this fight is just as hard
As fighting in Iraq

The sun will come out again and
Dry this wet blanket that's
Putting a damper on my fighting spirit

— Barbara Writes, Nov 07, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Billy Collins, Shakespeare, , Emily Dickinson, , , Whitman, Jess Tapper

Critiques

Kailashana

16 years 7 months ago

What you think Barbara?Why I

What you think Barbara? Why I Feel Bad(ly) I try to stay focused in reality Facing feelings of worthlessness Knocking at my door The loneliness in my heart Seeps into my bones I push away Disquieting thoughts Confusion lingers like dark clouds in my mind as clarity is thrust aside It’s not world war one or two Nevertheless, my fight is no less bloody than the war in Iraq The sun will shine again, Dry this wet blanket There's no putting a damper on my spirit. I fight with all I am. ~A "...when it agrees with reason and it will benefit one and all, then accept it and live by it." ~ Buddha

Barbara Writes

16 years 7 months ago

A

Thanks for the suggestion, I really appreciate the thought, but I thinks it reads better this way. I do like the way you rewrote stanza 3 though. The fourth stanza with the word bloody is not the feel I wanted to convey. The intensity of the fighting is what I was going for. "Confusion lingers like dark clouds in my mind as clarity is thrust aside ~~~~~~~~~ Be whoever you are At all times, and Remember that Because of this, people will Always Respect, and Admire you ©2008Leonard Respectfully Yours, Barbara

marygibson

16 years 7 months ago

Hi, Barbara

Great write, showing your refusal to give up. Sorry I have been gone so long. Illness, and other things have kept me busy. I had to sign up with new name and e mail, as neopoet did not recognize my old information. This is Linda Moses, now writing in my great-grandmothers name, Mary Gibson, A name I had long condsidered using for my writing

Barbara Writes

16 years 7 months ago

Hey Linda

Long time no read, glad to see you back. Sorry to hear about your sickness. Not doing so good over here either. Glad you like the poem. ~~~~~~~~~ Be whoever you are At all times, and Remember that Because of this, people will Always Respect, and Admire you ©2008Leonard Respectfully Yours, Barbara

Nordic cloud

16 years 7 months ago

That’s putting a damper on my fighting spirit

Dear sweet Barabara, That's the spirit! This is a lovely little poem and you have put it so nicely. Just these very small errors:- "I try to stay focus on reality"..............focused Get thrust aside............................gets Love to you from Ann I liked the way Anna put it too. The title too is just slightly difficult to understand, I feel bad-Anna added ly I think it shoud have a new title. When I feel down, or lonely or?  

Barbara Writes

16 years 7 months ago

Thanks Ann

I appreciate as always you input and suggestions. I hope to write this in the present tense rather than the passed tense because I was stressing terrible about a bad moment in my day and could not complete my assignment. I reread it and think "why I'm feeling bad" may be less confusing. I appreciate all the suggestions and look forward to improving my work ~~~~~~~~~ Be whoever you are At all times, and Remember that Because of this, people will Always Respect, and Admire you ©2008Leonard Respectfully Yours, Barbara

Seren

16 years 7 months ago

Dear Barbara

I really loved this write ... but felt the first line really needs a tweak I tried to stay focus on reality I tried to stay focused on reality --- has more flow for me or if you want to keep Focus ??? I endeavor to focus on reality I strive to focus on reality just throwing a few ideas at you huni ... but I really liked this one love and hugs Jayne x x x

Barbara Writes

16 years 7 months ago

thanks Jayne

I appreciate your help. For some reason my mine is stuck on focus staying the same. I think its because I was so upset at the time that focusing on anything, but that moment was extremely hard taking my breath away. How does it flow now. I hope its better. I like the original title, but I am looking at the title more closely to see why its confusing. I've been thinking maybe because the title holds the details of why I feel bad hidden while the poem itself express the reaction to the the troublesome moment. Putting your own exceptionally hard day in the title and then focusing on how it made you feel might help clear up the confusion. Thanks for all the suggestion. I'm completely grateful for the help. Would that make it flow better now? ~~~~~~~~~ Be whoever you are At all times, and Remember that Because of this, people will Always Respect, and Admire you ©2008Leonard Respectfully Yours, Barbara

Seren

16 years 7 months ago

Dear Barbara

I’m trying to stay (focus on reality) its those bracketed words I am having trouble with and I totally here what you saying about the focus ... but in the moment you would be focused ? not just focus ... see this could be a dialect thing,and at the end of the day its your poem ... just the flow is impeaded for me in those last three words ... hope I explained it better ... but I still loved the theme and the rest of it rocks ... so its just that tiny bit I have a hitch on lol And the title ... how about 'reasoning :-why I'm feeling bad' love and hugs Jayne x x x

Nordic cloud

16 years 7 months ago

“I’m trying to stay

"I’m trying to stay focus on reality" .....I am trying to stay, focus. On reality. Face... Just a thought to keep your focus strong, a full stop after it and after reality. Juat Ann

Seren

16 years 7 months ago

That would work good job Ann

That would work good job Ann ... I have to go finish dinner be back in a little while, see even I just learnt something from this ... we all winners LOL love and hugs Jayne x x x

Nordic cloud

16 years 7 months ago

Good morning dear Jayne, yes

Good morning dear Jayne, yes one wishes to keep as close to the original, after all its Babara's poem and not ours isn't it? Me too must get on, have written three letters this morning!!!!, will write one to you later have a happy day both you and B. Ann

lyz

16 years 6 months ago

Dear Barb

Well written and well done with the not giving up. Love ya dear heart and I am glad to see you you back into it. Never give up the fight. This poem shows you haven't. Love Lyz. XX