Pugilist

Nov 04, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

A Breath of Wind Brought Me Your Name

A Breath of Wind Brought Me Your Name

The rumours of you are lacking.
For they speak merely of beauty
And only a fool quests for beauty
And misses the import of life.

Though your visage can light a heart
And your smile define a dawn
And your eyes kindle a tired soul
All this is naught but reflection

Of a spirit that heals the world
One secluded life at a time
And finally I understand
Why your name is whispered with awe.

-----------------------------------------------------------

I am most comfortable with structured verse and I do not, as a rule, care for love poetry because the shelf life is around 3.8 seconds.

As a cast member of the PA Ren Faire (my weekend vacation from August 8 - November 1 from my corporate job) one of the bits I developed was passion rather than love poetry. Passion poetry is for public consumption and nearly anyone will respond to it and it will not get you slapped nor in court for a Breach of Contract suit.

It's not a new concept, of course, just my take on what Shakespeare and others have done before but this time in tetrameter as it is the meter with which I am most comfortable.

This is something I wrote approximately a month ago and let sit. I have other examples meant to fill the space of 15 or so seconds because at times that is all you will have with people.

This does not mean I am reconciled with love poetry, just that I'm willing to fail at it.

— Pugilist, Nov 04, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Jacksonville area, FL, USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Keats, Kipling, Carroll, Yeats, Tolkien, Shakespeare

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Critiques

lyz

16 years 7 months ago

Hi again

This is written very well and yes, romantic. It is beautiful. Love to you and yours, Lyz. XX

Jonathan Moore

16 years 7 months ago

Thanks

Thanks for the kind words. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)

Janice Pearce

16 years 7 months ago

A Breath of Wind

I feel this is a beautiful piece, I loved the last line! ____________________________________________________ Income-tax forms should be more realistic by allowing the taxpayer to list "Uncle Sam" as a dependent Anonymous

Jonathan Moore

16 years 7 months ago

Janice

Thanks for the review and thoughts. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)

Pamela A. Lamppa

16 years 7 months ago

held for 16 seconds

A lovely thought provoking piece written in blank verse. I enjoyed the light carriage your poem holds, yet when the words are held for 16 seconds (smile) there is a bit more to be found, perhaps similar to the subject of your piece whose beauty is what radiates from within and is more than simple reflection. I enjoyed this very much. ~Pamela

Jonathan Moore

16 years 7 months ago

Thanks for the review Pamela

And I appreciate your insight and comments. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)

theladyblue

16 years 7 months ago

Jonathan

First let me say that I think you may be a poet... This piece for me never failed...until I read the final line in your blurb at the end. While I understand and am glad to have some back story, with that last bit of information your words lost the beautifully breathless illusion they held before. Like I said before, I understand your reasoning behind the blurb but please do not replace the magic of mystery for the ease of understanding. So with this, your words have come here to die behind a wall of reasoning. <3 Emarie P.S. On another note: I, being pron to as much superficiality as the next, could have loved you once for such words crafted. Yes, I have loved many and will continue my voyage...I'm just not too proud to deny my proclivity for it. Style, structure, and content are all absolutely stunning yet simple... _________________________________________________________________________________ "i read you and see…that between the pen, paper and you…there is little room for me…" ~ heart breaker~ Go Live & Get Rewarded!!! Check us out at http://www.neopoet.com/forum/20761 & the Community Calender!!!

Jonathan Moore

16 years 7 months ago

Emarie

I put the final "willing to fail" note because, as an incurable but no longer stupid romantic, I am always awed by effective love poetry. The biggest issue I have is that most love poetry lives in a second between two people and all the outsiders can do is witness it at the moment with a smile or remember it later as uncomfortable. My attempts at love poetry are meant to capture that passion that lifts the day, not mere lust that stirs the blood. Don't get me wrong, I am all for lust between consenting adults, but it's not something I invite friends and family to watch with me. But passion? that smile that passes between two people, that hand on the arm, that soft look of contentment, passion I want everyone to see. So I will try to capture that and I know that I may not be successful at times and will fail. I'll keep trying, however, because I believe the goal is worth the attempt and pain that comes from failing. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)

theladyblue

16 years 7 months ago

Understood...

I do know why you said that...and agree with everything you have just said. Its just that when I read poetry, I read it as the subject for the most part. In this I swooned and spiraled down into that moment. Then was harshly reminded of my husbands ability to ruin the most romantic of moments at the end...it was a hard fall...thus my reaction. Im sure you could understand. :) In any case, it was effective and quite lovely. <3 Emarie __________________________________________________________________________________ "i read you and see…that between the pen, paper and you…there is little room for me…" ~ heart breaker~ Go Live & Get Rewarded!!! Check us out at http://www.neopoet.com/forum/20761 & the Community Calender!!!

Tam the Chanter

16 years 7 months ago

lovely, soppy stuff

Surprising write from my fellow cave-troll. Tender is the write. One thing, might it be "a dawn" rather than "the dawn" to chime in with the lines before and after? I enjoyed it . Kindest Regards Ian T

Jonathan Moore

16 years 7 months ago

I like the suggestion

And the way it smooths out the stanza. Thanks. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)