DawningDaytripper

Nov 03, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Blood pools

A chill worked under his collar.

Eyes leveled,

but he never saw her.

Hold, wait.

No time to holler.

Like a cat she launches in a snap.

Slaughtering man,

in this nights trap.

Filet him open,

use his own strap.

Lost now within blood lust.

Unable to comprehend the just.

Compelled,

yet beyond.

She must.

Deep she sinks her fangs and claws.

Bend him,

shape him,

f**k the laws.

Rage released from a bitch’s paws.

Pools of his blood ripple red.

She backs away from deaths bed.

Nothing now left,

for the demon has fed.

— DawningDaytripper, Nov 03, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Robe valley, WA, USA

Favorite Poets: All of them, for differant reasons. Neopoet poets have influenced me the most over the last 2 plus years. Great teachers. Edgar Allen Poe, Dickens, way to many to list...

Critiques

Geezer

16 years 7 months ago

Bloody Pools!

O.K. - Launches within Unable yet beyond. [lose the comma] Now, scary! You have gotten the effect, but will need to expand and open it up a little to impress Killer. LOL~ More gore! ~ Gee P.S. Ain't it a bitch when your comp. misbehaves?

DawningDaytripper

16 years 7 months ago

Thanks Gee, I am almost

Thanks Gee, I am almost hopeless with my spelling... I do try. I have to unlearn some bad habits. I will keep working on scary Gee, but I doubt it will be as easy. It takes time and talent to approach the killers skills. LOL. And I named my computers Bitch. He-he. Thanks for the read Gee, Julie D.D.

Geezer

16 years 7 months ago

Blood Pools...

You are definitely getting it! I love the way you are learning to make the flow. As to being bloody and chilling, I reconsider. You know not every Killer is like mine. Even He is becoming someone else! If you insist on being scarier, you have to be colder and more dispassionate. I think that is the key. I think mindless violence is scarier than what Killer is doing now. Just think of things that are really disgusting, and try to write them with no feeling. Almost as if you were a coroner discribing the wounds of a victim lying on your table. I'm sure you have seen CSI or NCIS or some such. You are an apt pupil, and I'm sure if that is what you want, you will achieve it. I think we all need someone like Killer to rid ourselves of the aggression and help to think clearer. Once the fog of anger is gone, I see things clearer somehow. I see that you need a 'Killer' Don't forget that you control him/her and can let them regress to the mindless violence, or plan ahead for asassination. Keep Killing! ~ Gee P.S. I don't mind helping out with the spelling. And although not eaxctly an original name for something that vexes you, naming your computer 'Bitch' seems appropriate.

DawningDaytripper

16 years 7 months ago

Bitch, Fucking bitch, stupid

Bitch, Fucking bitch, stupid piece of worthless shit. It doesn't even DESERVE A NAME. {the computer} Or I could of answered you days ago Gee!! And I love CSI and NCIS and all the A&E crimeshow reruns. But I think what I have learned from them is that there really is very few spontanous, rage driven killer moments. Their is almost always some lowly human reasoning behind being in that space. I try to scare and I just am completly lacking. That's proably why I keep trying. But my killer is so stunted that it communicates poorly. BUT That doesn't mean I don't know how to get in the game and have a little fun. Thanks for the Support Gee. And I promise to try to progress on my spelling. I know I can, because I am already way better. But what I still lack is the same mistakes over and over again. I found reading comprhension so easy in school. I never actually learned writing. All the rules. I aced all my work and test. All except sentance structure spelling and penmanship. And only 2 flaw's is obvious on line. Lucky me. But now as an adult I see how I shorted myself. I now understand why spelling and sentance structure is so important. But I no longer find it all as easy as it was then, LOL. Forever I used spellcheck. BUT I finally figured out that if I have a hope to learn it, I would have to do it the hard way. So now 95% of what people read, DID NOT see spell check. And Although that does make for mistakes and is slightly irratating to all the proper structure types. It is evidence that one day, just maybe. I might get it. Thanks again Gee. Julie

Geezer

16 years 7 months ago

Learning by doing...

I find that is the best way for me. If I have a problem with doing something, I try to have someone that knows how to do it, tell me, and I write it down, then I follow the directions and do it myself! It doesn't always work, but I have more success this way. You do have the potential for a Killer performance! Like I said, you have to invision the injuries you are inflicting, then sort of narrate them, like one of those coroners. English is one of the hardest languages in the world to learn properly. Speaking it, is not too bad, because of the latin roots. But learning context and syntext, is harder. Spelling is hard because we have extra letters, that are sometimes silent,or enhance the sounds we hear. The rules of 'Tense' Are sometimes the hardest of all for some. Anyways, yes, you have improved immensely, since I first saw your work. Keep it up! ~ Gee

Seren

16 years 7 months ago

Dearest Julie

I dont know about anyone else but I loved this one .. its always nice to see us getting our own back ... I know I am a evil wench :) lmao love and biggest hugs Jayne x x btw my emails to you keep coming back :S

weirdelf-test

16 years 6 months ago

DD this is fucking awesome!

There should be more revenge in the world. I only don't know why you use the shy "f**k" we all know you mean fuck, even the kids. kind regards, Jean, meow, bite, purr, yowl and perfect body language express all

DawningDaytripper

16 years 5 months ago

Thanks Meow, And I am Mom.

Thanks Meow, And I am Mom. Habit to curb the fuck's. I think them, but try not to use them much. 4,7,and 12 year old girls mouths sound so foul when you here them say profanity. And I Advise if offensive language is in the content for my buddys who don't like to be offended. Most wouldn't, just a courtsey. And I did not want a content advisory, so used my ** instead. Sorry I always have the complicated and long answer. Thanks for reading. I appreaciate the time and review. And yes a womans revenge can be so sweet... Thanks agian, sorry I am not here as much lately to have responded sooner. I will make sure to check your page out and some of your stuff soon. Julie D.D.