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Him

I can't find the words to explain,
This feeling so strong,
It's almost pain.
A poweful burning desire,
For him,
Burning,
Like a fire,
Burning and eating at my heart,
And it won't stop.

Infected by Cupid's dart,
It's all over, all in me,
In my mind,
Affecting my thinking,
In my legs,
I feel them shaking,
For him,
When I see him.

He doesn't know what he's doing to me,
I feel like I'm going crazy,
For him.

I think he knows something,
By the way I look at him,
Stunned by him.
But he'll never know my true feelings,
Powerful and overwhelming,
And it's sad,
Really sad,
Makes me sad.

And I'm forever left longing,
Hoping,
Pining,
Praying,

For him.
— Poetree, Oct 28, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

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Critiques

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

16 years 7 months ago

hello

I can really relate to this piece. I think most girls/women can. There will always be that one special guy who never noticed us, or thought of us as a good friend. In this line: He doesn’t even know what he’s doing to me, I think that you could leave the word "even" out, and it would have more impact. Just a suggestion. Always, Cat
P

Poetree

16 years 7 months ago

Hi Cat,Thank you so much for

Hi Cat, Thank you so much for the comment, I am really pleased that you can relate to it! I have changed the line as to how you suggested, you were devinately right about that, so thank you. Joel x
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

16 years 7 months ago

=0)

here is your fifth star! Always, Cat
P

Poetree

16 years 7 months ago

Thank you

Thank you, what changed your mind? x
themoonman

themoonman

16 years 7 months ago

Poetree...

This is definitely good poetry... some repetitions could be altered for more powerful statements... some unneeded commas, some changes in sentence structure and do get rid of some of those capitol letters in the future... but, damn, this really shows talent... enjoyed the read! Richard
P

Poetree

16 years 7 months ago

Hi

Hi Richard, Thank you very much for your comment, I am really pleased that you enjoyed it. I will definately take on board what you have said and will keep this in mind when publishing a finished article. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment, it is so refreshing to hear positive feedback and criticism. Once again, Thank you. Joel