HOLLOW GAIN

the first stanza is by far my most favorite you have such an awesome flow, are you a musician by any chance? I really like how you pull down the rhyming word into the next stanza, I have never seen that before, very unique. I would love to try writing that way but I would never manage it as skillfully as you do, so I probably won't even bother trying. the poems name-giver is also a great way to end the poem. it is, all in all, well rounded. but there's one thing that bothered me, the third stanza. that one seems incomplete somehow, like there should be more of it there, you know? would you mind revisiting that stanza and adding on to it? then you'll get 5 out of 5 stars. what? me? bribe you? sheesh, seriously, Ziggy... :) your Proprietress

now the third stanza may even be my favorite! you have given it the same original flow as the rest of the piece here's your additional star, for being such a good boy :) (Proprietress pats Ziggy on the head lovingly) honestly, it's wonderful now and deserving of the stars. what do you think? yours is the most important opinion here.

This one is great. I really enjoyed the read and I did not see it before it was edited so whatever you did it worked. Well done on this beauty. Love to you and yours. Lyz. XX

Deeply profound. I'm going through a bit of this with my sister, it would seem that nothing I do is ever good enough, because I am the know- nothing little sister. I loved these lines: Without interruption i have watched you fail try again breakdown and wail, slipped through my fingers fell through your hand how will i ever find chance through countless days so bland You still treat me with disdain all for what, your hollow gain. Always, Cat

There is no hollow gain nor disdain with this poem, because it's really well done. I see you're a master of the English language. Nice work! Thanks for sharing! Sincerely, Hugo

A reread and it is still a great Piece. Well done mate. Love Lyz. Xx

just like Lyz I also came back to this great write (couldn't resist) I am still so amazed at the meldoy of the first stanza the jump my mind does right after the alliteration, from the second to the third stanza is just so refreshing and it doesn't lose its charm. I misread the fourth line this time, you know how your mind sometimes inserts words that differ from the ones your eyes are reading? well I read it like this: Good enough to be considered but on the torn the talent withered, words of praise echo through your hollow vessel. I don't know if I like it better or not because it does change the flow somewhat but I did want to let you know about that. sometimes the thoughts we are quick to dismiss turn out to be important but only sometimes, so there you go, just in case ;) your Proprietress

I agree with all the above Ladies and gentlemen ... wonderful cadence in that first verse ... really well done ... love and hugs Jayne x x

Oh this has hidden depths not yet plumbed ! Your Hallooween flavoured stare in tatty shoes and slippery fingers, can't you make them stick? The picture of someone's hollow gain is for me surrealistic, in fact the whole thing could be made so perhaps it would be exciting. What do you think? Yours Ann of Norway

Okay Zig, what is your meaning on this wee one, as I am asking, lol. Well you said no one asked. Love Lyz. XX

Have to let me know who. Lol. I need some good gos. Anyway it is good to get things of ones chest at times, I do it at home on paper, and I have to laugh when I find them later and think, What the f..k. Lol. And thanks for answering about your meaning on this great write. lol. Good one and I have just posted with no drama and now to read a few before I get back to the housework, yuk. Hopefully, with no Drama. Love Lyz. XX