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doorman
doorman
Oct 23, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Magnetic


Afar from the stony reach

A city on poles, wild 

dogs walk along its' beach

Foam, 

shelled stilts

The moon reels in 

ocean's teeth


The time is now


You're mine to

erase all past's 

footprints


— doorman, Oct 23, 2009

About This Poem

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Country/Region: NOR

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Critiques

Bonitaj

Bonitaj

16 years 7 months ago

Wow!

and wow! again! Espen!! This one gave me goosebumps!! The layout, the brevity that so succinctly captures that very special moment of intent! How rapturous it indeed is - even for the empty handed, voyeuristic on-looker! Well done! Bonita j
doorman

doorman

16 years 7 months ago

Dear Boni

Thanks for peering at this one, Bonita. Glad it gave you goose-bumps! Yours, Espen.
Seren

Seren

16 years 7 months ago

Dear Espen

This is simply superb ... but I have one suggestion if I may Afar from the stony reach A city on poles, wild dogs walk along its’ beach Foam, shelled stilts --- moving that down would give it added emphesis ... The moon reels in ocean’s teeth The time is now You’re mine to erase all past’s footprints beautiful work my friend I loved this one Love and hugs Jayne x x
doorman

doorman

16 years 7 months ago

Thanks, Jayne

I'm fairly happy with this one, and a bit reluctant to disrupt the symmetry, but I think I see your point here. I'll work with it and see what comes out. I'm very thankful for the input, Jayne. Yours, Espen.
L

lyz

16 years 7 months ago

Dear Espen

What can I say, this is a beautiful write. I felt the sea breeze, smelt the salty air and those waves crashing against those poles and sand. Wow, I love it. Last stanza, gave me goosebumps as well. Love Lyz, XX
doorman

doorman

16 years 7 months ago

Lyz

Thank you for reading, Lyz. Originally a lot of adjectives in this one. Stripped them all away, and there it was. A little concerned with being too cryptic again, so I'm very glad for your reply. Yours, Espen.
Kailashana

Kailashana

16 years 7 months ago

I opened the door to the

I opened the door to the beach where infinity meets wet sand, and there you are. ;-) You know I am a loyal fan of yours, yes? ~A There are no strangers in Paradise.