The speechless poet

this strong felt write. What a sad thing to happen to any one, but your explanation of writers block put my mind to rest, if this is fashioned from writers block, I must say, HUH?, too good for that reason. Bloody brilliant and it held me. Well done. Lyz. XX

Nice to see another writing from you. This piece is quite different, as are most that come out of writer's block. I think the repetitions add a flowing rhythm to it, and the fact that you didn't use the same word at the beginning of every stanza, you alternated, I think that helped. helpless, deprived even of the privacy of a toilet That's the only line I found awkward to read in the first stanza. Something about the use of two "of"s in one line but yet it's hard to think of another way to word this. "Privacy deprived for even a toilet"? "Privacy of a toilet deprived"? Or maybe switch some stuff around: As the new day dawns, he lies in his excrement helpless, the air pervaded by the stench of urine he stares at the unfamiliar walls that loom around him yearning the privacy of even a toilet As for the second stanza... speechless his tongue burns from the (can take "the" out) powerful words that perch on its tip he struggles to articulate, elaborate, but cannot make them fly and a few more suggestions: not under his breath, for even breathing is too hard now (you can take out "now", you've already established the present tense.) inside his head, there lies a world of stories, poems (Don't really need "there", it seems to just add one more word to the line.) speechless, deprived even of dignity (and the same in this line with "even"). Now that my comment is WAY too long, well done for writer's block. I hate writer's block. But this is good stuff, hope you overcome it soon! Peace n love Katie

Dearest Nina God woman you have left me speechless nearly ... lol ... not quite I agree with Katie on the alternating helped with the repitition of those words and I did feel that same problem with the same line ... how about helpless, deprived even of the privacy of a toilet Helpless,even the solitude of abolutions gone Hey its just an idea of another way to go ... I dont know who or what this was writen about but you put me in mind a someone with some sort of motor neurone disease when everything shuts down ... my Mother was a pallative care nurse so I have seen first hand the devestation these diseases leave in their wave ... its a tragedy Love and higgest bugs Jayne x x

Dearest Nina God woman you have left me speechless nearly ... not quite I agree with Katie on the alternating helped with the repitition of those words and I did feel that same problem with the same line ... how about helpless, deprived even of the privacy of a toilet Helpless,even the solitude of abolutions gone Hey its just an idea of another way to go ... I dont know who or what this was writen about but you put me in mind a someone with some sort of motor neurone disease when everything shuts down ... my Mother was a pallative care nurse so I have seen first hand the devestation these diseases leave in their wave ... its a tragedy Love and higgest bugs Jayne x x

I love it now Nina it's perfect dont touch it !! LOL hugs and love Jayne x x x

A great write from play. The repetation of the words helpless and speechless gave a strong message but for me I thought they presented the perfect opportunity to use other words also and maybe repeat these words first and last. One thing that strikes me is that the line deprived even of privacy , the sound and feel of the words are too similiar especially when you use the word deprived again in the last stanza, it looses it strength. Possibly 'stripped of privacy'which gives a double image. Seabhac

I recently had a similar experience, where I couldn't put words together to describe what was happening to me. The harder I tried, the more panicked and scared I got. This lasted for twenty minutes. My hubby took me to the emergency room and they kept me for 24 hours observation. They said it was a TIA. Your poem reminded me of this. While I was in the hospital, I lay there thinking, what if I can never write another poem? Always, Cat

If I could be so bold as to suggest a slight tinkering with near perfection. Perhaps try the piece without the repetition, using other descriptives such as "useless" "worthless" "friendless" etc. and even ending with "mute". It's only an opinion, rather than a critique,as the piece is very powerful and stands well on its own without alteration. You should be proud to have written this - I know I would be. Kindest Regards Ian T

That it is nice to log into a poetry site and find such caliber of poetry. While I agree that this is still somewhat raw and in need of consolidation I was captivated by the comatose image as well as the implied metaphor. I was a little distracted by the multiple repetitions of speechless and helpless but feel any correction will be ultimately superficial; this is a very accessible piece of poetry. ken

I still love it, edited or not. Love Lyz. XX

~Nina, Before I read any comments, I read the poem. I thought it was great! A poet, dead, in some way, either literally, mentally, or figuratively. Kaput. It made me want you to read my "Broken Jars" poem, which for me, is about the writer's block I was trying to get out of, yet still thinking that it wouldn't matter anyway, until I was long dead. I've liked most of your work, and it's easy to imagine you penning poems effortlessly, but I am a poet, so I understand the block, and the breakage. Don't correct this one to death. Live in it.wcw

Nina, i thought this was great, i love it how it is, i haven't read the edits, ill have a look later. Its a depthful peice and i thought of writers block. I had it the whole time i was pregnant!! Being on this site has helped me to create new differnet things i may not have written befoe love vix xx