doorman

Oct 18, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Amaranth

I see you have a watch there, clever counting

to tick the tact of the tune in your mind

Familiar goose bump bridge, and you smile

I can't hear you, eyes closed, you're dead now

First dance, you were five, some birthday party

Backyard balloons and confetti spread round

I was humored by the cacophony of wishes

in complete disregard for time,- You have grown,

becoming more to my form, I figure you a marvel,

though scars and file to bone, you are perfect now,

flattering me grim and disheartened

— doorman, Oct 18, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: NOR

Critiques

Seren

16 years 7 months ago

Woah Espen ….. Just

Woah Espen ..... Just leaving my mark till a more appropriate comment comes to mind ... there is layers here and they need to be pealed and studied before I can leave a complete comment lol I love how your words make me want to read in between the lines and I always enjoy them ... Love and higgest bugs Jayne x x

doorman

16 years 7 months ago

Dear Jayne

Thanks for coming by. Should you glean something underneath, I'd love to hear it. Yours, Espen.

Seren

16 years 7 months ago

Is this about a now grown up

Is this about a now grown up woman and her five yr old self is gone and now somehow shes out of your reach ... you got my mind in a twist with this one and I think I may have to get help LOL just joking but its doing my head in ... I hate unsolved puzzles LOL the curous creature is always me love and hugs Jayne x x

doorman

16 years 7 months ago

You’re half way there,

You're half way there, Jayne. I could give you a hint, but where's the fun in that, eh? I'll let it rest a little and see what comes out. Honored that you're taking your time with this. Yours, Espen.

Seren

16 years 7 months ago

Dear Espen ….that line

Dear Espen .... that line more to YOUR form someone hasnt had a sex change have they ? seee I cannot let it go, if it gets in my head I have to make sense of it lol I know I am crazy but then so does everyone else ;) LOL haha love and hugs jayne x x x

doorman

16 years 7 months ago

A slip?

The Freudian angle pulls out some very scary rabbits of this one, Jayne! You can just steamroll an analysis from here on, can't you? If you do, I'll retreat to some temple in Tibet, drink fog and eat air till I reincarnate as a mountain goat unfazed by the intricacies of human shame. All yours, Espen.

Kailashana

16 years 7 months ago

when we were five the world

when we were five the world was not yet a puzzle to be solved and now behind your breast is a beat I seek (to touch as if we were graced in form?) and though I am grim I am not yet disheartened. ~A There are no strangers in Paradise.

doorman

16 years 7 months ago

Dear Anna

Thank you. Yours, Espen.

Idlemindwondering

16 years 7 months ago

I like this

That it is to self is evident; yet I am intrigued by your answer "half way there" but nothing comes to mind that seems to fits. So I shall ponder this a while too. I do like your style and will reread it a few times ken

doorman

16 years 7 months ago

Thanks

Thanks, ken. Think you should follow your intuition on this one. I don't think I can satisfy you with an answer, as the write has taken on amusing and perplexing forms. Happy you liked it though. Regards, Espen.

lyz

16 years 7 months ago

Dear Espen

Did it again, but I feel you are at your sons birthday and looking back at your 5th and seeing that the past is gone and you now live for your boy, along those lines I enjoyed this and it seems from the way I have read, a parents point. Last line though, I could say that we dont want them to face the same as we had over the years yet you can see so much of you in them. Well, may not be right but this is what I would take from this poem. Wonderful. Love Lyz. XX, dont forget, let us know.

doorman

16 years 7 months ago

Dear Lyz

If that is what works for you, Lyz, then that is how it should be. Your read contains most all things I was after. My initial idea had a little twist, but it got lost in vagueness. I think I tried too hard, or not hard enough. I'll try again later. Thank you very much for sharing your view, and that you got something out of it. Yours, Espen.