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Bonitaj
Bonitaj
Oct 18, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

THESE FRAGMENTS

THESE FRAGMENTS
"These fragments have I shored against my Ruins"  The Wasteland - Eliot: line 430
 There is a nascent knowingof  New Life.A stirring which stresses:enough with excessesthrow off the mantel        of strife. A newly formed carapace prolongs existence.

Time,  to make sense,of the inexorable attempts to extinguish 'de la Meurte          the Light.  A lucid instruction: Cease to fuel the destruction. 

  fathom the darkest days 

conquer not just the nadir -

but the nemesis
           of Life..." 




BjR   18 October, '09







— Bonitaj, Oct 18, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Tip of Southern Africa, ZAF

Favorite Poets: Too many to narrow down, but briefly :, AUDEN, T.S. ELIOT, DICKENSON, RILKE, THOREAU, RUMI ... the list is endless. Am inspired by many, especially those that live lives of "quiet desperation, and go to the grave with a song still in them" (THoreau)

More from this author

Critiques

Seren

Seren

16 years 7 months ago

Holy WOW Boni … I am

Holy WOW Boni ... I am speachless .... wonderful fragments ...cuts the bone for me you know ? but its a stunning write and I feel honoured to have read it love and hugz Jayne x x x
Bonitaj

Bonitaj

16 years 7 months ago

Hello Jayne!

where in the midst of your other reveries do you ever find the time? Thank you for recognising "where I come from" - hell and back! lol Boni
Seren

Seren

16 years 7 months ago

LOL reading you guys is my

LOL reading you guys is my reveries and relaxation ... thanks though this is really a stunning write love and hugs Jayne x x
ID

Ink Dragon

16 years 7 months ago

Boni,

Eliot's wasteland... I love this quote! Why don't you move it up, thus allowing it to set the tone for your piece? I am wondering whether the "of New Life" in your first stanza is really needed there, but cannot make up my mind right now. On the one hand, it feels as if it enhances the "nascent" from l.1, on the other, it may just be made redundant by your final "of Life". The second stanza works perfectly for me, I love it. (esp. "inexorable attempts/ to extinguish the Glory/ of Light"). In stanza 3, I stumbled a little in l.2: "Cease to fuel the destruction" seemed a tad off for me, either it is me, or there is a superfluous syllable in there, you might want to try without the "the". But this is really a minor point, as you have that beautiful line about "the nadir and nemesis" there. Yours, ~Nina
Bonitaj

Bonitaj

16 years 7 months ago

Thank you Nina!

Delighted with your suggestion to move up the Eliot quotation. Makes sense indeed. Couple of added 'insights' around your other suggestions. -New Life is indeed a follow on from nascent in the sense that it has been stirred into being and it is the KNOWING which is nascent... in other words - an intuitive realization that a new life is beginning. - So glad you liked the second stanza as it made sense to me - but would anybody else understand it? - Finally, last verse... Cease to fuel "The" destruction stays, in that it is a specific negating force aimed at self - not a pure and simple, overall desire to destroy. Hope that makes sense... Thank you immensely for your sifted out interpretations and insights. They are indeed more meaningful to me than stars - especially coming from you! Tschuess Boni
Bonitaj

Bonitaj

16 years 7 months ago

ah Kaligantsaros!

Such dedication... so appreciate your astuteness when it comes to critiquing a poem. Just to clarify my stance on the last stanza. I stand to lose my crowning star - but stand by it I must. My sense in those words had nothing to do with grammatical "correctness", alliteration or otherwise! It was just to highlight the paradox that you need to stay alive "don't snuff out the breath" in order to experience nay "embrace" the extreme lows (nadir)and the metering out of justice(nemesis) in life! ;) Hope that resonates and makes more sense to you now! Thanks so much for your valuable input! Boni
ID

Ink Dragon

16 years 7 months ago

Boni,

I agree, it does read better. I still feel a minor stumbling point in the destruction line, I think the flow is a tad off there, but it is not a biggie. One last thing, I think it should be muerte instead of meurte, do check on this, please. Yours, ~Nina