made to reign

Em, you astound me each and every time. I love the oceanic imagery in this, the pirate references, just everything. Even the deeper message of having emptiness unfulfilled...wow. I don't even know what else to say. just astounding. ((hugs)) Peace n love Katie

This poem shows a change. The first stanza is brilliant. The remainder of the poem has a general consistency of ideas but not the same brilliance as the first. After the first stanza, I liked these best: and they ask, ‘why are you not satisfied?’ we answer a resounding, ‘you have left me an empty vessel; left me with the means to go out and fill myself and I have failed…’ Heaven is in the backyard but sister can’t quit diggin’ that damned hole… There are a few clichés, such as, "testing the Gods", for which I recommend you search for alternatives. And I don't know for sure if you meant soles or souls, but, again, I recommend searching for alternatives either way. You have capacity and curiosity. Please continue. Regards, Brian

To hell with the cliches, leave them in, they work well with this wonderful piece of poetry. I love the way the stanzas feed into one another, so that their meanings are interchangeable on different levels across them. I enjoy this style of poetic structure, and you do it well, although it took me another read to see angels as trees of wisdom, lol. Just me, not your poem, the image is awesome, it's just been a LONG day and my mind is asleep at the wheel! Excellent poetry. Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

I started reading the poem as allotted on the page, then looked at its author, smiled, knowing the rest of it would be delicious. I was right, of course, indeed, a fine write as usual, dear heart. ~A There are no strangers in Paradise.

your writing and its pace wording is most descriptive and elevated in thought the comments in addition help view the poem immediately upon reading while the synapse is fresh Like lightening and then the thunder followed by the rains After reading many auto/biographies of poets it is clear that the sensitivity of these individuals was great and coupled with the right-brain creative drive made and make for some of the most dramatic and thought provoking poetry I follow the world of professionals those succeeding in discipline of separating the personal from procedure so easy it is when one does not have the partition either through genetic cause or history or pre dated teachings to become overwhelmned to me these are great assets and yet as a poet I am drawn in by all things shiny and or dark This poetry is no fluff but solid treasure so many configured thoughts too that they failed when in reality their works were marvelous sucess's that inspire still today and yet I so true know the feeling of this "failure" in this poem however In my poetic eyes this poem is a sucess !! thank you Emarie

do you still dig holes? I used to build sandcastles as a child, and having my own children now is the perfect excuse for taking it up again ;) But seriously, this poem shows a joy in simple things that, while not being the answer to the big questions, can give us the strength to bear our luggage. It is also one huge metapor: the girl digging a hole, searching for a treasure chest maybe, but finding the real treasure is the act of digging - a meditation. On the testing the gods thing, my spontaneous thought would be something like wrestling with gods, but that is up to you. I agree with you that sometimes a cliche can enrich a piece - there's a time and a place for everything. Yours, ~Nina

" trees of wisdom
 made from the soles 
of men and ghosts"..........oo what noble trunks of thoughts stride on the page here. "stealing the salt 
to temper our palettes 
turn the nectar to rum 
taste the rainbow"............no not water to wine but nectar to rum, this is terrific as is the rest. You found a most strangely evocative hole to open, the depths of the vessel were not empty they had this wealth of words stuck to its sides like a papier-mâché pot, revealing poems and words so real and interesting. Good stuff this My blue lady, with love from Ann of Norway.

As promised, finally, I am offering a critique of you work. I believe the setup and delivery, the potential and the reality, work fairly well and for the most part the imagery is clear, yet with this piece I find myself having to stop and reset my pacing due to what may be stylistic preferences on you part. Also, I understand poetry with no punctuation, I understand poetry with full punctuation, where I stumble is poetry with partial or inconsistent punctuation because I have difficulty understanding if the affect is intentional or accidental and I go from defining my own path and pacing to being led through. This kills momentum for me and removes me from the work. To me this is a piece with a lot of potential and deserves being revisited and revised. I'm going to restructure the poem below without changing anything other than line order and punctuation. Additional comments are included in [brackets] and are done so as a result of previous comments. If you find it of any value, let me know and we can go from there. taste the pain on back of tongue, swallow it down as if it were light from a distant star. we write these phrases building up our islands, shores of crashing sound waves wearing these swaying bodies disguised as white haired angels. trees of wisdom made from the soles [souls?] of men and ghosts. sands of memory strewn about from shore to shore. we pirates play in wicked games testing the Gods; [dicing with demons, baiting the gods;] stealing the salt to temper our palettes; turn the nectar to rum taste the rainbow. [feast on the prism's bounty] and they ask, ‘why are you not satisfied?’ we answer a resounding, ‘you have left me an empty vessel; left me with the means to go out and fill myself and I have failed…’ Heaven is in the backyard but sister can’t quit diggin’ that damned hole… --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)

...and then do check out the (absent) punctuation in Bukowski's poem that Brian posted in his continuing series. (#23) I sometimes have issues with it. For me the less the better. But there are times like Jonathan's recent review of *Dawn* I was already questioning alternatives. And some poetry lends itself to that. BTW, You know I am a fan of yours. It's passionate, provocative and always takes a few good turns. ~A "...when it agrees with reason and it will benefit one and all, then accept it and live by it." ~ Buddha

Hey another nice write Ladyblue... I loved the last stanza on how heaven is RIGHT THERE but she doesnt see it...kind of like the movie "what dreams may come" with Robin Williams... I wrote a poem about Adam once...its an interesting read and a bit comical i guess....I say that because Eve keeps coming to mind in the two poems I have read of yours. Best regards Stu :-)