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L
Layune
Oct 14, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

An Unknown Light

And the string unravels
Within the barricaded shadows

The drums dance
Intoxicated with wine

The breech is seen
With its inter-twined teeth

The smile sprouts
With its intangible doubts

All is lost in the mysterious veil
Allowing a hidden life to prevail
— Layune, Oct 14, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: California, United Sates, USA

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Critiques

D

Dalton

16 years 7 months ago

Dalton to Layune

Lovely poem with the simplicity of Zen observation in a freeform style. Flowed well. A delight. Only uncertainty in the line: "with its inter-wind teeth" is the line inter-twined or something else. Otherwise a fine piece of work. Love and respects Dalton.
L

Layune

16 years 7 months ago

Thanks

Thanks for the comment Yeah you are right i did mean to write inter-twined teeth Thanks for the correction I"ll be sure to change it