Calm of Darkness

Here we stand

Souls lost in the calm of darkness

Strangers to ourselves been thrust together entwined by the hands of fate

Suffocated by a society that does not want us

Here we stand

Souls lost in the calm of darkness

Held together embraced by the night as the day never could

Born to be different

Judged by a dying earth begging to be saved

Here we stand

Souls lost in the calm of darkness

Called into the light

Needed by a society that does not want us

Here to give a voice to those that cannot speak, and to give ears to those who refuse to hear

Here we stand

Souls lost in the calm of darkness

Take my hand let me lead you back

Together we can change the world.

— Natural_Mystic, Oct 13, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Kimberley/Northern Cape/South Africa, ZAF

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, Kahlil Gibran and Maya Angelou

Critiques

Race_9togo

16 years 7 months ago

I like this a lot

"Here we stand souls lost in calm of darkness" This refrain is beautiful, but try making it two lines instead of one... "Here we stand souls lost in calm of darkness" ...and separate it from the stanzas with spaces before and after, you may find it has more impact. I would split some of the longer lines into shorter ones as well, but that's just me. I often see poems as songs, and that's how your poem reads, to me. Your imagery is wonderful, as is your sense of rhythm, but you may want to edit some more, and consider removing one or two words. The word "been" in the second line, for instance. The depth of meaning and emotion here is really good. I don't know why, but I am reminded of itinerant gold miners when I read this...not wanted but so necessary. Respectfully, Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

Natural_Mystic

16 years 7 months ago

Suggestions

Thanks bud for the advice it didnt feel quite right to me either il try sum of you suggestions