A Wretch Like Me

Standing near the kitchen sink, the life I was existing in played on the screen in my head
God had been whispering to me for days, he had been beckoning me to attend church
Sending me signs that could not be ignored
There were songs on the radio about not being alone, articles in the paper about the “Unity of Community” and my fear of being a part of something bigger was losing its perspective         
A fear so real and raw it pressed the air from my lungs
Wrapping its cold appendages around my waist and pulling
Forcing me toward the ground with the weight of the world bound to me like shackles
My scalp began itching, my nerves began twitching causing my chin to quiver
It knotted my bowels, numbed my hands and hunched my shoulders in defeat
“Who has time to go to church each week? God can hear me from here!” I angrily asked aloud.
Just then the television, which had been idle, blared God’s newest  resounding  message
“How can you be in and of this world if you are refusing to participate in it?”crowed the pastor. I went to church this morning with no clear evidence that my journey was well received, but I was aware that I was not the only soul living in the gift of that moment and that brought me peace.

God never leaves me wondering if it is his will, just dumbfounded that he has time enough to spend on a wretch like  me.