Two have loved

I am sorry tonight I cannot give you the response you need my friend this is just wonderful ... but touched a raw nerve in me ... in other words you did your job ... with kudos dear liz Love and higgest bugs Jayne x x

Seabhac, I know what you are saying, and so do you; perhaps if you look at it with today's eyes, you'll see the thread that needs to be unraveled. Love, Anna

A poem of loss, but also a poem of wisdom, a reality poem. You strike the cord of most of us with your surprising poems. Sometimes we think we have discovered a particular slant of your personality, and next time you surprise us taking a different detour. But that's what is all about in these our particular poetry worlds. Nice poem, very profound! Sincerely, Hugo

I have to agree with Hugo on every point he makes. There is much wisdom here. Very deep. I like these lines, as they feel, to me, to be the heart beat of the poem: Still in view But surrounded by different terrains Contact was broken Perspective changed Now each with different microcosms, A world apart Always, Cat

A love lost, sad. I agree with Hugo as well, He is a great thinker that man, me, I love that it gave to me that you have moved on, even though you still love, like ,it just has to be. I loved the read and I think you have written a great poem. Love Lyz. XX

*but wish you'd made it more strongly, i.e., We, as boulders, (We were boulders Raced with too much speed (racing with too much speed) *The hill slopped (sloped?) down *I find the end leaves me a little flat, the question a little weak. I wonder how some reorganization would work because there are some stronger lines earlier on. These two strike me as powerful ending lines, esp. since a change in perspective seems to be the core of this poem. Contact was broken Perspective changed I enjoyed this.

This poem and the commentaries are what Neopoet is all about! And your wonderful responses Liz should be documented and taught in "responding to comments school" Everyone here has made their own valid points, it is up to you as the author to discern what works for you... and I have no doubt that you will. I enjoyed the poem and the comments received... but most especially the way you handle yourself... Richard

Profound indeed, dear Liz! First write that I am reading of your work and honestly, Liz, it deeply touched me. I really loved how you compared the pain of seperation or loss with the rolling boulders, the hill being your world that collapsed! Pianful image but a great production of your thoughts and words! Enjoyed the rest of the poem too. As Hugo said a reality poem! My fav lines "Across from one another Still in view But surrounded by different terrains Contact was broken Perspective changed" Looking forward to reading more of your work... Sincerely, Wafi "Culture, location and beliefs; All vanish with love!" ~Afzal Shauq~

Interesting how your title and the word play on it, drew me in to read more! Magnificient piece Liz! Strikes to the very heart of all who have been through a life changing "love-loss" experience! Well done! Bonita j

So glad we are all different I love this as it is but then Im different as mentioned above I love boulders and as a young person would tip them down hills through the woods on my walks Now I leave them be and being this age that I am Forty five with the mid-life stuff going on even for me and my eccentric path I value this poem I love the whole way its put down simple and full of its action and reserve in rest like a musical peice (how I loved the subway with its jazz or cello classical players and voice) I had to go re read this again Im not tired rested and fed focused Its beautiful to me in my wide range of experience in life and disorder and as an artist poet I so relate to its wisdom Thank You

You are doing a great jop reducing the occasion of pronouns. And the general look of your poetry is improving. Still, there remains good reason for writers to hate editors. Today, I will focus on redundancy, cliché and ackwardness. We could have touched the sky Together you and I ["together" + "you and I" = redundancy] But the downward hill On which we journeyed ["on which" = redundancy] As erratic boulders [good] Speeded our decline [good] So we rolled [redundant but good] Each to seperate verge [good] In view, but focused [good] On different microcosms ["microcosms" = awkward] A world apart ["world apart" = cliché] Your needs now different to mine [the line smacks of cliché] Desire put on hold What is there to learn Within that pain of denial Loving doesn’t end with the loosing [good new spin and well said] Life doesn’t end with loss Overall, the improvements get the stars. Brian

Liz, I like the beginning of your original version, apolgize for being too tired to print them out to put them side by side, including Brian's critique. I do have faith, that you, however, will. Love. ~A