Wafi

Oct 09, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Love's Prisoner

My words are too small...
My promises-- too weak...
Trust not any of them!

Cage me...

Cage me
In the cage of your arms...

Enslave me!

Tie my heart
With the threads
Of your breaths...

Bitter my mouth
With the acid
Of your tongue!

Let it erode
My body's every cell--
Nourished by
Other's love!

Imprison me
In your bosom...

Make me yours!

Peek into my heart
Through
The windows of my eyes...

Behold!

There cries my love
In the cradle of my heart
Longing for you...
Like a hungry baby
Crying for food

Feed my love
Feed it and nourish it
Let it grow stronger

Lest, it,
Like my small words
And weak promises,
Die...

About This Poem

About the Author

Comments

kaligantsaros

16 years 7 months ago

Well Wafi my friend..

This one I enjoyed until the simile turned me the reader into an infant. Sorry old boy but I love like a man and only with a man's heart. Women aren't my mother. So four stars for the urgency and the unfolding simile and metaphor but deduct one star for the ridiculous Freudian bad taste.

Wafi

16 years 7 months ago

Thank A Lot Kali,

Thanks a lot Kali, my friend, for reading and commenting. Lol, sorry for the bad taste and turning you into an infant. I am trying to say that my love for her is not fully grown,(that is an infant, not me). And the more she loves me, the more it grows stronger and vice-versa... Thanks again for sharing your thoughts about it with me. Between, my friends, to whom I read this poem, were laughing at the last lines ;)May think to play with it, though. Sincerely, Wafi "Culture, location and beliefs; All vanish with love!" ~Afzal Shauq~

kaligantsaros

16 years 7 months ago

We all have this problem..

The internet has brought all our localised bad taste , double meanings and local tasteless expressions into each others living rooms. How you express one thing is not the way I do etc. As a result until we work out a cyber -language all of its own we will be prey to inflicted someone somewhere with a rotten simile , a tired metaphor or a tasteless accidental double meaning. Unfortunately we are well away from this as yet so my English will not be your English and my Pashtoon will definitely not be your Pashtoon As we have seen over the past three weeks or so quite a few sexual innuendos and suggestions have made them onto poems here and it has caused much mirth and sniggering when explained but another aspect is the vast cultural differences between us all , so when for example you state as a above your desires in such terms , I read them through years of education and behind the palm British bad taste!!!. Glad you laughed though i am in a bit of a mood with the world. Cheers old boy. #Kali

Candlewitch

16 years 7 months ago

Wafi Dear

I think the poem is brilliant and beautiful. I love the metaphors, after all, love does imprison us, mostly in a gentle way. I'm sorry but I cannot pick favorite lines, as they are all wonderful (except for the last line. You could lose that line and it is my opinion that it would make a stronger ending without it.) I like your title but think a better one could be found, Maybe "Love's Prisoner." I enjoyed the structure and language usage. I liked the pacing. And the theme... I like love, love poems (shhhh! don't tell anyone!) but only ones shown in a new light, and I like yours. Always, Cat

Wafi

16 years 7 months ago

Thanks A Lot Cat

Thanks a lot Cat, for reading and commenting. Really appreciate your thoughts. So glad you liked it. Have made some changes, hope it's fine now? Sincerely, Wafi "Culture, location and beliefs; All vanish with love!" ~Afzal Shauq~

Seren

16 years 7 months ago

Dearest Wafi

I loved this freudian slip lol its wonderful to have a young flourishing love ... and where is it said ? that love has to be one thing to all people ... love is all things to everyone ... well done :) LOL I look forward to see what you come up with for those last lines lol love and hugs Jayne x x x

Wafi

16 years 7 months ago

Thanks A Lot Jayne,

Thanks a lot Jayne, my friend, for reading and commening. Loved your lovely comment. So glad you enjoyed it. Hugs, Wafi "Culture, location and beliefs; All vanish with love!" ~Afzal Shauq~

Candlewitch

16 years 7 months ago

=0

Much, much better and I love the new ending. Always, Cat

Wafi

16 years 7 months ago

Thank You Cat

Thank you Cat, for the reread. Glad :) Sincerely, Wafi "Culture, location and beliefs; All vanish with love!" ~Afzal Shauq~

seabhac

16 years 7 months ago

Like it on the second read

Read it first earlier and had loved it till the old last section ...came back for another look and was delighted with the change...it really rounds the whole poem up to the level of the first portion My words are too small… My promises– too weak… Trust not any of them! Cage me… Cage me In the cage of your arms… Enslave me! Tie my heart With the threads Of your breaths… fresh new look at a common subject ( if Love can ever be called common) Glad you changed it . Definatly 5 star

Wafi

16 years 7 months ago

So Glad

So glad you read and commented on it. Thanks a lot for the appreciation. My pleausre you liked it. Glad it is better now. Looking forward to reading your work. Sincerely, Wafi "Culture, location and beliefs; All vanish with love!" ~Afzal Shauq~

Rett

16 years 7 months ago

Wafi my friend

I enjoyed the poem to the very end. I do have one suggestion in the last stanza. Least, it, Like my small words And weak promises, Die… You used "least" as in smallest where I think you meant "lest" as in unless. Other than that I enjoyed it a lot. My best to you and your family. Respectfully, Rett: "Telling me Illegal Immigrants have a right to be here is like saying the burglar that breaks into your home, now has the right to live there with you." Rett

Wafi

16 years 7 months ago

Hi Rett, My Dear Friend

Hi Rett, my dear friend, how are you doing? Has been a long time, haven't read much of your work, must check it out. Thanks a lot friend for reading and commenting, specially for the "least>>lest". My spellings really are not doing well. So glad you enjoyed it... Sincerely, Wafi "Culture, location and beliefs; All vanish with love!" ~Afzal Shauq~

Rett

16 years 7 months ago

Hey Wafi

For probably most of us, English is our onluy language and we have trouble spelling. *LOL* My best to all. Respectfully, Rett: "Telling me Illegal Immigrants have a right to be here is like saying the burglar that breaks into your home, now has the right to live there with you." Rett

lyz

16 years 7 months ago

Dear Wafi

Excellent write, as usual, and I enjoyed it.The title, Loves Prisoner, instead of the o, an e. Lovely to see you and your beautiful writes back on the page, looking forward to reading more of your poems. Love Lyz. XX

Wafi

16 years 7 months ago

Thanks A Lot, Lyz

Thanks a lot, Lyz, for reading and commenting. Thanks for the "e" of the prisoner ;). So glad you liked it. Sincerely, Wafi "Culture, location and beliefs; All vanish with love!" ~Afzal Shauq~

Seren

16 years 7 months ago

Just leaving my mark Wafi

Just leaving my mark Wafi ... this is just beautiful had to come read it again ... and love the ending :) Love and hugz Jayne

Wafi

16 years 7 months ago

Thank You Jayne

Thank you Jayne, for the reread. Appreciate your thoughts a lot. Sincerely, Wafi "Culture, location and beliefs; All vanish with love!" ~Afzal Shauq~

Wafi

16 years 7 months ago

So Glad To See You Janice

So glad to see you Janice. Thanks a lot for taking the time to read and comment. Thanks for your generous appreciation. Appreciate your loving thoughts. Sincerely, Wafi "Culture, location and beliefs; All vanish with love!" ~Afzal Shauq~

weesh

16 years 7 months ago

wafi u r briliant on the

wafi u r briliant on the first time ven i read it i cant understand than i read it again and again i am marking u 7 starrrrrrrrrrrrrr cause the way u express the Love (hmmmmmmmm iam loving it).....

Wafi

16 years 7 months ago

Hey Weesh

Is that you Obaid? I guess you are. Thrilled to see you read it and yeah thanks for the comment. I didn't think you will join neopoet. Well welcome, my dearest friend. I hope you will enjoy the poetry of all the great poets here. Keep reading the great work of the poets here, and do comment on it if you like it. You can share the work of your favorite poets with others and if ever try any poetry then do share it with us. I am sure you will be appreciated and learn many new things, as I did in the company of my loving neopoet friends :) Hugs, Wafi "Culture, location and beliefs; All vanish with love!" ~Afzal Shauq~

hippiepoet69

16 years 2 months ago

Thumbs up

I don't use stars. I really like your work. It brought me emotion as I read it. That is my measure of a good or great poem. I'll add you as a friend but I don't know when I'll get around to reading more of your work. Take care my friend. huey

Wafi

16 years 2 months ago

Thank You Dear Friend

Thank you so much dear friend, for reading and commenting. I appreciate your thoughts a lot. Looking forward to reading your work. Sincerely, Wafi "Culture, location and beliefs; All vanish with love!" ~Afzal Shauq~