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doorman
doorman
Oct 02, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Fathers

New day's dawn where morning's long 

shades will recline another day's chore    

Sidewalk stores, yellow marquees, white 

awning unsprung, black doorways shadow 

shy skulls, heyday's failed goals, a barber 

pole, shut door, an office unlocked, red brick rays 

blind wood floor and curtains drawn


Random marks of hands belonged,   

in sorrow, hollow-cheeks, others still 

pretend to be owned, faint trust not forlorn

Windswept pavements state on oath all that's left 

Remnants bill your shortfall


Empty hand now held the stone

Children's lucky laugh, admiration gone and still 

I am your youngest son


— doorman, Oct 02, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: NOR

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Critiques

Cloudthings

Cloudthings

16 years 8 months ago

your brilliance, grinning cheekily from it's secure place of kno

You know, this one did not instantly grab me like your others have, I kept looking for your brilliance & finding questioning & ponderance... then I realised this is also a precious gift & when I got to the last line left, there was that gorgeous soft kiss of your brilliance, grinning cheekily from it's secure place of knowing... as it should.. heh, clever lad you are. Cheers Anni~ "The personal life deeply lived always expands into truths beyond itself". Anais Nin:
doorman

doorman

16 years 8 months ago

Thanks for wading through

Thanks for wading through this one, Anni. Due to all the things I had to stuff into it and the quite private theme, this was a cumbersome write, indeed. You mentioned something about comfort zones earlier, and this write was pushy. Your compliments, I don't know what to say. All I can give you is a sincere thank you. Thank you, Anni. Yours, Espen.
Cloudthings

Cloudthings

16 years 8 months ago

bravo for pushing through the cumbersome feeling & shaping this

Oh Espen, sorry I hope I didn't give the impression it was a drudge... no no no! It is amazing, I'm just mentally slow & I think a bit clumsy of late, I hope you'll forgive me (I'm hoping it will pass...zzzz... kidding). Anyway bravo for pushing through the cumbersome feeling & shaping this, I do love your writing. Cheers Anni~ "When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace". H.H. the Dalai Lama
I

Idlemindwondering

16 years 8 months ago

mmmm

I like the mystery and the nostalgic way the images are laid out. I am not certain as to the stone, my imagination see a broken window. I am, however certain of the love. very well done. ken
doorman

doorman

16 years 8 months ago

Thanks for reading.A broken

Thanks for reading. A broken window does add itself logically to the previous stanzas,-broken down, desolate city scape, but the stone is key to something else which I won't go into here. Thanks for your input, though. Made me think. I'll keep you posted should I make any changes. All the best, Espen.
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

16 years 8 months ago

Dear Sir

In reading your poem, I am much reminded of Sylvia Plath's unique style. My favorite lines are: Empty hand now held the stone Children’s lucky laugh, admiration gone and still I am your youngest son Always, Cat, a youngest daughter.
doorman

doorman

16 years 8 months ago

Good of you to come by,

Good of you to come by, Cat. I guess we're both last guests to a party that's gone overboard. Yours, Espen.
ID

Ink Dragon

16 years 8 months ago

Hi Espen,

this is an exquisite stream of consciousness flowing out of your pen. "Remnants bill your shortfall" is one of my favourite lines here, as is the almost casual "I am your youngest son". There is grief exuding from this poem, solidifying as a lump in the reader's throat. Yours, ~Nina
doorman

doorman

16 years 8 months ago

Dear Nina

Thank you for taking your time with this. The 'bill' line dropped in the nick of time. Glad you liked it. Yours, Espen.
L

lyz

16 years 8 months ago

Dear Espen

A beautiful write for any father from his youngest son. So soft it flowed and I enjoyed this very much. Excellent. Love from Lyz. XX
doorman

doorman

16 years 8 months ago

Lyz

Thank you for the kind words. Yours, Espen
Seren

Seren

16 years 8 months ago

Dear Espen

I am so sorry I missed this but its been a hectic week and i am just catching up ... you my friend have a talent and style that is unique as is this poem ... and so beautifully expressed as only you can ... great work .. congrates on spotlight my friend very deserved ... love and hugz Jayne x x
doorman

doorman

16 years 8 months ago

Jayne

No worries there. You're always there to back me up. No apologies needed, just an honest thanks from my side, dear Jayne. Yours, Espen
Bonitaj

Bonitaj

16 years 8 months ago

ah! the realities we must face

in growing up..."admiration gone and still I am your youngest son" Espen - a riveting write! as Nina says an exquisite stream of consciousness that you have created, which we can all share in! Your work continues to improve and enthrall - neither of which is mutually exclusive! Bonita j
doorman

doorman

16 years 8 months ago

Dear Boni

I'm very glad you liked this one, Bonita. Though trying, the 'family theme' is an inexhaustible one. Yours, Espen.
OM

odd molly

16 years 8 months ago

Dear Espen if your poem

Dear Espen if your poems could paint pictures and hang on the wall they would be the most wonderful and interesting canvas in all their light and shadows. I find this piece of yours very beautiful even though it has strokes of sorrow. Your writing always touch my heart. Du är en väldigt intressant och begåvad poet och det är en glädje att få ta del av vad du skriver. Tack så mycket. Thank You o molly ps.. Congratulations to the place in the spotlight !!