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Songs of Songs: Danae and Her Story

Song of Songs : Danae and Her Story [pt. 3] When the gold first began to fall, I thought my bright body had called it. I thought its clenched light Was drawn to my fist of light. I thought that god Must have spread my body Gently on the ground, And said, .....you are the gravity of gold, Gold will fall to you .....gold will fall into you. The shower tore into me like hail [Mary, we know, Each one of us Let him enter our bodies] And then the gold was inside me, And it was teeth and it was tongue, And it was molten [and I had been waiting So long for lava] And it was hands with holes. A shower of god. He died like a star And rained down on my bright body And the shrapnel tore into me like hail [Mary, we know, Each one of us Bore him and lost him.] .....I spread her body gently On the ground .....you are the gravity of god, ....I will fall to you, ....I will fall into you. I dream of you, he says. I cannot forget.... My hands still seeth with your shape. My heart wrestles an angel All night long. Many years of this.... The inside of my chest Is beaten gold by now.
— Diatom Shells, Oct 01, 2009

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Seren

Seren

16 years 8 months ago

Dear Shells

Another awesome read ... but again by reusing words like clenched you could possibley use gripped or viced ? there are a few other options ... but I loved all three of these and now .... I juggle stars till you edit LMAO ....like blackmail or encouragement hahaha take care huni Love and hugs Jayne x x x
D

Dalton

16 years 8 months ago

Response

Dear girl I love all the poems that you have submitted to the Neopoet site.Especially your 'Song of Songs' series. It is so refreshing to see an artist who composes her work with such emotion and such zeal without stooping to cliche. your poetry shimmers, a gift to the soul of the world. Please never stop writing. Dalton.
DS

Diatom Shells

16 years 8 months ago

hi

thank you seren and dalton, Seren I went through and changed those few words for u hopefully that sounds a little better. Dalton I don't think we have ever met. I appreciate the encouragement to keep writing sometimes I get discouraged and won't write for years but I think I am on a roll lately but no time to submit things and respond sometimes. so thank you
D

Dalton

16 years 8 months ago

Dalton

That is the way of things. In my case due to a personal trauma I have not written for the past three or so years apart from a few snippets. But I am finally getting back in the habit. Past what I might call my wilderness years. Anyway goodluck with getting into again all writers go through dry spells I think. You know where your going. With respect Dalton.
DS

Diatom Shells

16 years 8 months ago

dalton

yes I do know where I am going but sometimes I think I have a one track mind lol. but I like it. thanks for reading my stuff u actually read all of it? that would be a a lot. well I would hope it is worth it. I feel it should be. thanks -diatom shells
WF

Worldwide Freeride

16 years 8 months ago

All that glitters is not gold...

Diatom... There comes a time when gems cease to sparkle and gold loses its lustre and all we have left is the love for another... be it friends, family or lovers. You have got an absolute stomer of a poem going on here... such vibrant, soulful wording and the excllent repeating refrain that really make the rhythm of this poem so very good indeed. The melting point of gold is exceedingly high (around 1900 degrees fahrenheit) and so the explosive nature with added incendiary napalm and molten magma sizzles and dazzles the page with volcanicity. It tears all our hearts apart and yet ninds us all together. So very cleverly written Diatom. Excellent write! Dale :)
DS

Diatom Shells

16 years 8 months ago

dale

you are so good with feedback I appreciate it immensely! this little series of mine was fun to write I haven't ever done a series 'type' of poem so it was nice. thank you! -shells