Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

M

My Abbreviated Vision

I listen to instrumentals to get a beat into my mentalso i can burrow deep into another soul with my lyrical abilities that you need indiscreetly within your lifeor you start to feel tingling strife which only you can decide on how to make the feelings start to subsideand for me its to light, stride, ride, and never fight but for others lie, fight, hide, and never try to feel happinesscause ignorance is bliss and some just cant handle the opposite of itbut for me i legitimately feel no need or necessity to hate on other living beings because we all feel differing needs that are uncontrollably taking control of you and me without any negotiatingso we all are living, debating on the world and many times hating due to unfair tragedies that logistically just don’t seem to be true functionalities that should need to happen and let that question be filled with the nonsense of heaven or a reverend who claims to be helping thembut we all know the informalities within the functionalities that are hindering in mobility of human beings thinking which is destroying destinies of righteous communities breathing freely with sufficient mobility unlike our societies that were all living in

 but the future we can save if we start trying today without enticing horrible things but rather bringing exciting new ideas that speak to the children cause we have to fill them with proper knowledge or else were just killing them like our heritage due to stupid kidsso how can we stop this is the next the topic that I’m going to drop for all you kids who tell me to stopBut i don’t listen cause i have vision like the bush administration to lead this unwilling nation no wit patience so heres the abbreviationFirst, stop with the hatredSecondly, hold some patienceThird, give proper educationJust these three things could bring less degradation to our civilizationSo i stress to be the best at making money so i can help someone hungry or starving for proper nutrition or mental acquisitionCause its a sad place we live no matter who the person
— mdehe, Oct 01, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

More from this author

Critiques

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

16 years 8 months ago

hello

I agree with the message/theme of the poem and think that you get your ideas across relatively well. I would suggest that you break the longer lines into shorter lines and get some help on punctuation. Here is just one link on some of the basics: http://www.grammarbook.com/ You can look up punctuation by googling the subject with a google search engine. I hope that I have been of help to you. Good luck and keep writing. Respectfully, Cat
M

mdehe

16 years 8 months ago

hey

thanks for the comment i appreciate it. i hate it i dont get enough to know anything about my abilities ahha. buuuuuttttt yea i am a good writer when it comes to stories and articles and such - i even write for digitaljournal.com buuuuttt when it comes to poetry i have no idea how to spread it out, how to punctuate it, or anyhting else about it. ive never been taught anything bout poetryi just love writing verses that mean something to me lyrically with rythm and rhyme.