Orphani

Sep 30, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

i was the sailor of your heart

leaping jade
October sea... tipping Ivory's
dancing moon
raise the mainsails heart from home
to sail the twilight dream
to stars

true north deceived
to wreck upon an ebbing tide
the sailor of your heart
that knew your spray of hair
the wind flung back
where love the stars revolved around

your eyes the dreaming dolphins held
beyond the wake of sail or sea
beneath the depth that lovers raise
to crash upon the pounding shore
where you lay brown
and i the bones of sailors found

— Orphani, Sep 30, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Critiques

lyz

16 years 8 months ago

Dear O

What a peaceful write, ahh a sailors life for me, was not that a song?, a touch of romantics, the call of nature and an vividly worded piece. Very nice.I cant say which stanza I like best, they all read and sound awesome. What to do? I loved it, Lyz. XX

odd molly

16 years 8 months ago

This is written magic.I have

This is written magic.I have come back and read this several times with no right words to justify a decent comment. I love this one so very much. o molly

Seren

16 years 8 months ago

Dearest Barry ,I think there

Dearest Barry , I think there maybe a touch of the warlock in you lol but hun this is wonderful I was spellbound in the words ... wonderful poem seriously one of your best ... I like Molly will be back its just one of those poems you have to read again and again ... love and higgest bugs Jayne x x x

Nordic cloud

16 years 8 months ago

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh what a title and a poem:-

As we sail the dark seas of night and glimpse the wonders of the skies, held captive there, our eyes, our ears alert to every sound and sight, the waves break on the shores of life's seas and softly caress us in our dreamed realities, and with the sea we heave and sigh near die in it as you become a skeleton and she disguised as sun, as beauty personified, pure love, the sky's apprentice robbed you of your life, alone you lie your one left eye contemplates the moon, so round and full when all you feel is just a fool. Love to you Barry from Ann of Nordic waters.

ziggy

16 years 7 months ago

hi this sound s

hi this sounds wonderfull , fav line is " true north deceived to wreck upon an ebbing tide " i reaLLY LIKE THAT v good write i must of missed this first time round ,,,,,,ziggy

Orphani

16 years 7 months ago

Thanks Zig, Having a lot of

Thanks Zig, Having a lot of trouble with this one. I'm really dissatisfied with it .It's not saying what I want to convey.I learned you need a strong basic concept to begin with which I didn't have with this poem. Iv'e been trying to salvage it, but I might have to scrape it, and start from scratch.I like that line to, but the poem as a whole is very week.A good poem drops your jaw and this one just drops.See you soon.........o

ziggy

16 years 6 months ago

i was a sailor

dear o,,,,, i think it would be a mistake to scrap it if you want to rework it i am sure you don`t need to be told how lol ,,,,, what i always do is keep my fav lines in my head and eventually something always to mind i have found if i try and rush a piece it never helps but always ends up in the bin would you be your own toughest critque lol , i know i used to be but i have to try and have patience or else it takes the fun out of it for me but having said that everyone is different which makes a workshop like this so great chat soon ,ps i still like it ,,,,,,,,,,,,,ziggy````

Orphani

16 years 6 months ago

This one was to contrived

This one was to contrived for me Zig. It was forced out. And I come back to it from time to time. Did you know Robert Frost worked some of his poems for thirty years or more before he published. Doubt I have that long. I agree with everything you say 100%.Iv'e been writing since I was a little kid butI wasn't focused or serious. Everything I ever wrote all those years was just disgarded. man would I love to have them now. what a dope I was. But thats life among the stupid. Hope to check out some of your writes soon. keep it fresh and thanks for the thumbs up dude. Later, Barry........o

Cloudthings

16 years 6 months ago

sounds like a siren spell for sure my friend, but sirens are mos

Wooowie... as always you have me smiling & proud of you, so warmly regarded, you write such wonderful poetry of love... ah & I am such a sucker for an ocean tale as well, sounds like a siren spell for sure my friend, but sirens are most misunderstood, I believe! Ahhh I love to bask in your lovely imagery Barry, love the way you are so softly soothing in your lines & style, a sadness, even so, but so much of what we write is called by sadness I think. Just LOVELY!!!!! leaping jade October sea… tipping Ivory’s dancing moon raise the mainsails heart from home to sail the twilight dream to stars Cheers Anni~ "When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace". H.H. the Dalai Lama

Orphani

16 years 6 months ago

You know I had an idea to do

You know I had an idea to do a sailing poem and I just tried to force this one out and I don"t like the feel of how it came out.It's got a couple of good lines but that's about it.It's due for a rewrite.I'm Learning more each time.and somtimes you learn more from your failures than your successes.Now tell me what you don't like when you see it.I deeply appreciate your feedback. love ..........o

Orphani

16 years 6 months ago

How on earth can you wear

How on earth can you wear that make-up with a streight face. were you auditioning for lion king dear. I just hope thats not tatooed on. I keep telling everybody I don't like this poem very much and it gets the focus go figure. thanks for the support anne

pointless 08

16 years 6 months ago

it reminds me of the good

it reminds me of the good relationship i never had thank you for that beautiful piece

Orphani

16 years 6 months ago

The best relationship is the

The best relationship is the one you have first with yourself There is a bird no eye has seen.It is the most beautiful of all for being so rare.The most precious gold is that which fills the heart with wealth and the pockets with dreams. Pointless is that which has no love within not without. I don't like this poem. I'm keeping it around to keep me humble. ......................o

Kailashana

16 years 6 months ago

castaways… we’re nothing

castaways... we're nothing but castaways..dreaming ourselves into shipwrecked poems...break open our heart of hearts... lovely courageous poem, dear Poet. ~A "...when it agrees with reason and it will benefit one and all, then accept it and live by it." ~ Buddha

Pumpkin123s

16 years 6 months ago

Hello

love your poem!!! it really was great because my friend husband works at sea and i showed her this poem and she fell in love with it!!! thank you

aeron

16 years 6 months ago

So cool! You rattled my

So cool! You rattled my bones with those last lines, always, Aeron