You

Soft and subtleUnspoken but heardYou found my beautyTrapped beneath my skinIn onionised layers.You peeled with great skill,With great gentlenessAll the while revealing to yourselfYour own beauty.Scale for scale matching my growthSurging ahead,Trailing behind.We wove our paths togetherOur soul goal the same

— seabhac, Sep 29, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

Critiques

hugo la rosa

16 years 8 months ago

Dear Seabhac:

This is a wonderful poem, dear Seabhac. It's heartfelt, and it develops the theme with choicest words. I love this poem, and it has the sound of truth. My goodness, you are becoming better and better, every minute! Sincerely, Hugo

Candlewitch

16 years 8 months ago

hello Liz

This poem hits the spot, and the spotlight, I'll wager! I loved the imagery and the outcome. favorite lines are: You found my beauty Trapped beneath my skin In onionised layers. You peeled with great skill, With great gentleness All the while revealing to yourself Your own beauty. great lines, hit my imagination just right. Always, Cat

weirdelf-test

16 years 8 months ago

I agree with Hugo and Cat

though, if I may humbly submit, the onion skin layers metaphor is a bit overused kind regards, Jean, meow, bite, purr, yowl and perfect body language express all

seabhac

16 years 8 months ago

I agree

Jean and Jayne I think you are both right about the metaphor being overplayed. The soul of the poem is there but I feel it is not the best write I have had. I think it is very important that people respond honestly and I think it does show that spotlight is no real indicator of a good poem just more people who get the option to view it. Every write and every single comment teaches me something new. As with all things in life sometimes in that learning process two steps back is just part of it. Thank you both for saying what you felt and I appreciate it all the more because I respect and admire your work. Please Seren I need to know about the Aussie explaination of onion skins.....sounds like it needs to be a private message though... Hugs to you both Liz

weirdelf-test

16 years 8 months ago

you can't believe you mean that, about admiring my work

Maybe my comments, I am well read and know quality, but I taught schoolkids for 40 years and am only now trying to express myself... perhaps I would have been a better teacher... I have always been more passionate about causes and beliefs, which is why that rotten little lazy ratbag, weirdelf, finally persuaded me to join this site. kind regards, Jean, meow, bite, purr, yowl and perfect body language express all

Seren

16 years 8 months ago

Dear Liz

I loved this poem but I have to agree with Jean the onion layers has been overused ... and here in australia ....it has a seedy conotation to it ... wont go in to it here but if your interested message me and Ill explain though trust me its yuck lol .... beautiful poem though hun but as always its your baby Congrates on spotlight huni much deserved again lol your pen is on fire at the moment :) love and higgest bugs Jayne x x

Kailashana

16 years 8 months ago

Ha! Parsnip personality. I

Ha! Parsnip personality. I love parsnips as long as they aren't persnickety. My *onion* poem was the first poem I read out loud at Borders Bookstore during our monthly poetry readings. Mine, however had to do with truth, though one and the same with *soul goal*. Deserving of spotlight my dear. I resonate with your poem. ~A

lyz

16 years 8 months ago

Hi

a wonderful write, Fave lines, last 2, and I I really enjoyed reaading. Great. Love Lyz. XX

Hooded Stranger

16 years 8 months ago

Onions

I really like this piece and actually like the onion peeling image. Thought provoking as usual. Great last line...summed it up perfectly. Nice job, HS ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth and yet nobody sees me".