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D

Melisenda (Part 1)

She saw it as fine comicry
As the dew of my eyes betrayed me
My word hath made thee as comely
As the night before dawn
And like the snow melting in the field
Was our love conceived
My love made you
What you could not be

As a creeping vine I aspired
Serpentine to the place
Where you were sleeping
As a moth I lighted
Upon the pliant curvature
Of your shoulder
Beneath the dark waves
Of your hair, black as the moor

You bit my lip and tasted wine
Your spell has driven me
From the living, your love
Has turned me to stone

In her flesh she awoke
She stirred from her bed
I lighted upon her window arch
As her eyelids fluttered in the dawn light
My heart was bid to silence
By the fluttering of her lashes





















































— Dalton, Sep 29, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: The Celestial River

Favorite Poets: Shane MacGowan, Dylan Thomas, Qays ibn Al-Mulawwah, Wallada bint al-Mustakfi, Rumi, Khalil Gibran, Yona Wallach, Arthur Rimbaud, Paul Eluard, Brendan Behan, James Clarence Mangan, William Blake, Tom Waits, Charles Bukowski, Forough Farrokhzad, Thomas Chatterton

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Critiques

Kailashana

Kailashana

16 years 8 months ago

Loved the poem. in *her*

Loved the poem. in *her* flesh she awoke? Imo, the last sentence, needs to be stronger. Perhaps: My heart was bid to silence" the last sentence. You already spoke of *as her eyes fluttered in the morning light* in the previous sentence. Just a thought. ~A
D

Dalton

16 years 8 months ago

Reply From Dalton

Thankyou for yor criticism. The line "in her flesh she awoke" is probably a little obscure. If not arrogant on my part. It's just a stylized why of saying she arose naked from her bed. and as for the repetition in the final stanza it appeals to me, I'm probably wrong, though others I've asked disagree, it's a matter of taste I suppose. Thankyou again, Dalton.
Kailashana

Kailashana

16 years 8 months ago

Dalton, dear, I was speaking

Dalton, dear, I was speaking of a missing *e* in her. Only. ~A p.s. I still think the last sentence is redundant. And it would be a much stronger, more powerful ending without it. But that's just me.