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From Rage To Passion

Blood soaked body
Flesh filled claws
Slashing, crashing
Through the forest brush
Smell of smoke and burning slut
That stupid bitch should have
Kept her mouth shut

To lair she flew
Feet barely touching dirt
Going to rip that bastard
From his shirt
Inside the open mouth
She stood
He waited in contempt
Surly face, hair unkempt

Face to face
They stood
Seething, bleeding
Droplets of betrayal
Splattering the floor

She reaches out to slap his face
Raking one lone claw
From eye to chin
As the socket dangles, she grins
He'll think twice before looking again

Grabbing her by the hair
He pulls her down
Looking at her with a sinister frown
Four eyes flaming red
As her tears hit their bed

Dragging her to the feaux mattress
Of leaves and twigs
Angrily she fights
Biting his fingers, chewing them with her fangs

He throws her down and stands over her
In all his masculanity
Rudely she spits his own flesh
Dead in his torn up face

As he crouches in front of her
Tearing already mangled clothes
She punches him in the nose
Bones cracking
Such a sweet revenge

Hands to throat 
She cuts his oxygen off
Quickly remembering
He is undead

Rolling, battering and screaming
The battle plays on
Violent drums beat a vicious song
When finally he pins her
Pounding and shoving
She takes it all in
Chanting curses
As he gives it to her again

The night has ended
Tempers somewhat cooled
Will they ever be the same
Or are their emotions just fooled?

From Rage To Passion, when Love and Hate hold hands.....Can this raw and violent union be saved...only the Devil knows....ask him if you dare.....



— hardcorechick28, Sep 29, 2009

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Critiques

Geezer

Geezer

16 years 8 months ago

Much Better...

I think that is about as graphic as you need to get. I 'm not sure that it would make them any better, to be any more descriptive. You kind of dropped off from the rhyming here and there, but it still flowed pretty well. I guess that she got a few licks in before she gave in. LOL Much better! ~ Gee
H

hardcorechick28

16 years 8 months ago

thank you.....

I am slowly working at it. Was never a big rhymer and being half drowsy certainly didnt help...LOL. She did get a few licks in and gave in reluctantly. LOL...
press

press

16 years 8 months ago

Carrie

Hey I am keeping up with the saga . My only comment is these last two poems , where really long I would have combine them into one poem. That way you could have covered more ground . And be done with the cat fighting or bat fighting. And free to write new chapters of this saga with the next poem. I know your tired from your full time job. And to write these super long poems I feel for you Carrie , [ Only my suggestion ] PS I have a lot of plans for Hammer I also think it cool now that their are new players like Killer .But we need more woman involved [ once again only my suggestion] PRESS
H

hardcorechick28

16 years 8 months ago

if i was...

to combine these two poems, wouldnt that be a little long? could it possibly lose the reader's attention? By splitting them in two, it made the reader want to read more, to find out what happens next...good suggestion but just a thought...i could be wrong.
L

lyz

16 years 8 months ago

What a ride

you have shown, great write and I dont dare ask the devil,lol. Well done on the descriptive side as well. Love Lyz. XX
H

hardcorechick28

16 years 8 months ago

thank you very much

I have been working really hard at developing DeMona. I have never been strong with rhymes so I have to becareful when trying. Always a work in progress...thanks again
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

16 years 8 months ago

=)

She certainly deserved her revenge on her faithless lover. I hope he learned his lesson this time around. in this line: She cuts his oxygen off would it sound better if it were changed to: she cuts off his oxygen? just a suggestion. Always, Cat
H

hardcorechick28

16 years 8 months ago

yes she did....

deserve revenge. She has as much tolerance for infedelity as her creator does. I try to include a little personal experience in each of my DeMona poems, since DeMona is a part of me. Thank you for your suggestion, as always ,it is valued and appreciated.
P

Pumpkin123s

16 years 4 months ago

Hello

Wow very powerful poem. Really enjoyed reading. I felt your angry which is great, i felt like i was their. Great Write!!!